In translation

stickywicket

As some of you know we are house-hunting right now and the experience (after nearly 40 years in the same place) has widened our language skills. Here are some of our observation on Estate Agent Language:

'Breakfasting kitchen' – The kitchen has either a tiny table for two or a couple of bar stools.

'Kitchen with dining area' – Pull the table away from the cupboards when you need to access them.

'Kitchen / diner' – There's no dining room.

'Dining room / 3rd bedroom' – There's no 3rd bedroom / dining room'.

'3rd bedroom' – walk-in junk cupboard.
'Magnificent views' – 'Middle of nowhere plus very steep drive after you've driven up the hill.

'Compact' – Bilbo Baggins would struggle here.

'In open countryside' – isolated.

'In need of some renovation' – In need of some demolition.

'Versatile' – There's a small, oddly-shaped room which hardly any piece of furniture would fit into.

'The property is much larger than expected' – The property, in a small cul-de-sac between two main roads, has been extended virtually into the A6.

'Completely refurbished' – flooded last year.

'Decorated in a modern style' – Wear sunglasses when viewing. Not for anyone with epilepsy.

'Easily maintained garden' – a couple of flower pots on the concrete.

'£20k below Home Report estimate' – You must work out why. We're not telling you.

'Price reduction. Part Exchange Available' – owner getting desperate.

'Master bedroom' – In a bungalow this will always be the converted loft that you can't access.

'Floorplan' – If they don't give one it's because there's something they'd rather you didn't see.

'Room dimensions' – If they don't give them it's because they don't fit two people at once.

theresak

barbara12

Oh SW I needed this laugh that is brilliant.. we have been here for 41 years and will have to move soon , so this will come in handy...hope you find somewhere near perfect..

Airwave!

Oh, and 'Executive House' = no garden!

The thought of moving fills me with dread, we still have boxes unopened from the last move..........

Turbogran

oh Sticky you really gave me a laugh with this you have brightened my morning ha ha

ichabod6

Hello sw,

Are you leaving Yorkshire?

stickywicket

Yes, we're on the move. A little reluctantly but it makes sense as both our sons keep telling us. If Mr SW became incapacitated I'd be unable to do much for him and one, or both, of us could end up in a nursing home far from family.

So, we'll be heading for the Scottish Borders – a beautiful area but just a tad hilly

ichabod6

Why not hop over to the bright side of the Pennines?

stickywicket

Well, on the huge assumption that it was brighter , because we'd stay approximately the same distance from the 'Scottish' bits of the family and knock a mere 100 miles or so off the 5,000+ to the Los Angeles side.

(Neither of our sons could bear living in the same country as us – but we're getting our own back )

ichabod6

Dont mess about sw.
Come to the bright side and whizz up the m6 through the beautiful
Lake district on your way to the land of the haggis bashers; alternatively you can nip down the m6 and m61 to Manchester airport when you wish to fly to the land of the free and the home of the brave.
Also a certain party would return to his native county and could dine on tripe and black puddings - not necessarily on the same plate.
Are you tempted?

bubbadog

Before Arthritis decided to say hello I worked for an Estate Agents, so I can say yep your fluent in Estate Agent!!