Feel like I've been fighting my corner for so long

GraceB
GraceB Member Posts: 1,598
edited 3. Jul 2016, 13:15 in Community Chit-chat archive
I was told Tuesday this week that we are finally at the end stage of sorting out John's (my late partner's) estate. For me, this has been a huge struggle to deal with whilst I've been struggling to accept that he's gone. One executor withdrew legally from doing the executorship even before John had passed away. The executor left took the task on, but has done an appalling job and made so many mistakes. (By the way, he runs his own business and I feel he's let John down by doing such a bad job).

Legal documents weren't sent Recorded Delivery so got lost in the post and had to be re-done. Other documents were sent requesting signatures/witnessing but hadn't been completed. He lost documents I gave to him in person and then denied ever having had them in the first place. I had to generate second copies of these documents, get to the Post Office, queue up and send Recorded Delivery.

The executor didn't seem to understand why I wanted (and needed) weekly updates. I asked him to email me "nothing's happened this week" if there was nothing to report, but I didn't even get that courtesy. He wouldn't return my weekly calls and, in short, made this whole miserable process more drawn out and stressful for me.

I gave up trying to get information from the executor in the end and started dealing with the Solicitor who was sorting out the estate. This will have pushed the legal bill up, but I needed to know what was going on. He returned my calls, explained things and kept me informed.

My cousin Tony has been helping me through this. He was a Solicitor before he retired. Without Tony's support in this matter, I'd have gone potty I think.

It was vitally important to me that John's wishes were carried out exactly as he wanted and I wanted this done as quickly as possible. I know he'd have done the same for me and I felt it was the one last thing I could do for him.

When I re-write my Will in the coming months, I will be checking with my proposed executors that they truly understand the nature and depth of the work they'll be undertaking for me. I was executor for my late Father when he passed away in 2013 and I documented everything, paperwork was sent by Recorded Delivery and I kept the other family members updated regularly. If I could do this, why couldn't John's executor?

GraceB
Turn a negative into a positive!

Comments

  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,558
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I wonder if it's because he was unprepared for the work involved in being an executor? We have appointed two, my BIL and one of my cousins: my cousin has been involved in the process on three occasions (his parents and his brother) whereas my BIL has no experience at all. I won't be around to care.

    Dealing with the aftermath of any death is something which we are never truly ready to do; the grief is overwhelming and then comes the avalanche of necessary administration. I am pleased that you have had some decent support from the solicitor and your cousin but even more pleased that John had made a will, that is so essential but people can be very unwilling to confront reality. We did ours as soon as we married, it made sense.

    You are to be commended in the way you have dealt with all of this, it's been a very difficult time for you but I think you have coped very well with all the challenges. ((( ))) DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • daffy2
    daffy2 Member Posts: 1,713
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    It's difficult enough dealing with the aftermath of a loved one's death but when the 'admin' side doesn't go smoothly it becomes a real struggle. As DD says I think perhaps the person involved didn't realise how much had to be done, and perhaps was not the methodical and organised type of person best able to deal with it all.
    I'm glad you had help to call on to get things finally sorted, and that you can now put that bit behind you.
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,091
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I was going to say the same has DD..my brother was an executor to a good friends will..and boy was it a long drawn out one and very complex...not sure if that was down to the solicitor that drew it up..
    Grace it must be awful for you having to go through this ,and also having to pay extra for a solicitor, but glad to hear your cousin is helping out...its so lovely that you are determined to carry out Johns wishes..he will be so proud of you..x
    Love
    Barbara
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,240
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    GraceB wrote:
    It was vitally important to me that John's wishes were carried out exactly as he wanted and I wanted this done as quickly as possible. I know he'd have done the same for me and I felt it was the one last thing I could do for him.

    That's a lovely thought, Grace. I'm sorry it was so difficult but glad you raised the point as I'd no idea. I was executor for my Dad but he simply left everything to my Mum. When she died Mr SW was executor but as she was on income support and had nothing to 'execute' it was a simple matter of taking the will to her bank and dividing what she had in by three. It sounds as if it can get horribly complicated and I'm sorry you had all this on top of everything else. At least you have the satisfaction of knowing you gave John all you could to the bitter end.
    "The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain." Kahlil Gibran
  • GraceB
    GraceB Member Posts: 1,598
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you all for your very kind replies.

    The executor has fulfilled this function twice before - for both his parents. He was asked right at the start was he able and willing to still do this? He said he was. He runs his own insurance brokerage business, so should be familiar with how things should be done properly.

    When I had to undertake my executor role for my Dad it was imperative to me that I did what he wanted to be done, in the way he would have wanted it to be done. I did that and I was proud he'd trusted me to do it for him. That was my first time of being an executor.

    I feel sad that John's executor has, in my eyes, let John down. John asked him to do this as he thought the executors of his choice would do a good - and proper - job. They haven't. I am thankful however, that the solicitor dealing with the estate and most especially Tony have been with me all the way along.

    Having gone through this sad process, if anyone says to me they've been asked to be an executor I'll ask them are they prepared for the work involved and do they know the responsibilities they'll be undertaking?

    I am extremely grateful to have had the extremely sensitive support of all my friends on this Forum. I will continue to need this support for some time to come but, I know without even asking, that the continued support I need is here - on this Forum - and it'll be provided by a group of true friends I've sadly not had the pleasure of meeting in person, but to whom I am extremely grateful.

    GraceB
    Turn a negative into a positive!
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,558
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Grace: you care about us and we care about you, end of. ((( ))) DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,240
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Seconded. ((( ))).
    "The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain." Kahlil Gibran
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,091
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    and another..we are always here Grace..xx
    Love
    Barbara
  • GraceB
    GraceB Member Posts: 1,598
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you ladies - that means a lot.

    GraceB
    Turn a negative into a positive!