Not sure how to feel

GraceB
GraceB Member Posts: 1,598
edited 29. Jul 2016, 09:52 in Community Chit-chat archive
My late partner's estate has finally been resolved, following his death in Feb this year.

The property was transferred in it's entirety to myself (he'd bequeathed a percentage of his share of the bungalow to his adult children and I've had to buy them out). I am relieved this has reached a conclusion, but it was so sad coming back in after getting that call realising that the bungalow is mine in it's entirety and how this has come about.

I've had major issues with his daughter and how she's been towards me - can't go into details as it'd not be appropriate - but suffice to say that she's no longer part of my life. John's son on the other hand has been polite and courteous to me.

My situation still doesn't feel real to me to be honest, but I hope that the bereavement counselling I've just started through work can help me to deal with the residual issues I've got surrounding John's death.

I've been fortunate and had the support of good friends and family. The support I've had on this Forum has been tremendous. I'm not through with this very sad journey yet and suspect it'll be a long time before I can say I've got through everything, but I can say for certain that without my friends, family and my "ARC Forum Family" I don't think I'd have managed. Thank you.

GraceB
Turn a negative into a positive!

Comments

  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 26,748
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Aw Grace!

    There is no need to thank us lot. Everyone on here is so lovely and as you say like an extended family who 'get' each other :)

    I feel very sad that John's older kids aren't supportive, though the son is polite with you. It might well be jealousy and some resentment, but you have his niece I know and she is 'his' family too.

    John would be very pleased that you now own the bungalow outright, but that he has 'done right' by his children.

    If he can be he will be smiling down on you, knowing you are secure in your home now. One of my best friend lost her husband, (also called John), at 44 to cancer and she was able to secure her/their home due to life assurance. She cried many tears herself at that time though as, no doubt like yourself, she would have far rather had him still.

    I am glad you have a good network of family and friends around you supporting you. Bereavement counselling can be really good too Grace, you are wise to have it.

    Love and strength

    Toni xxx
    Love

    Toni xxx
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,271
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Grace, there is no 'ought' with feelings. We feel as we feel.

    Of course yours are still in some turmoil despite your amazing efforts at living life as normally as possible. They will still be very raw and very easily disturbed by new and awkward situations.

    I'm sure that, because he loved you, John would be only too pleased that the house is now yours. With families, whether our own or other people's, we can only do our best. If that's not good enough for John's daughter then that's her problem not yours. We are all aware that our own beloved children are not paragons of virtue.

    Things will settle, Grace, but unexpected things will always come along to expose raw emotions again. This is normal and natural and we will be here whenever they do because that's what we- including you - do on here, isn't it?
    "The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain." Kahlil Gibran
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,104
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Grace mixed feeling are very normal. hopefully you can now relax a little..you certainly deserve to..xx
    Love
    Barbara
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    There is nothing like money to bring out the worst in people but glad the house issue has now been resolved.He was a good man to provide for his children, as not all do, but no doubt there were issues about value and other costs associated with the transfer which maybe she didn't fully understand.

    I hope the bereavement counselling will continue to help, it may take some time and there will be good days and bad days.

    I agree there have been some lovely people on AC supporting you and long may it continue.

    Elizabeth
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • theresak
    theresak Member Posts: 1,998
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Grace, it's still very early days in the grieving process for you, and as with weddings, deaths/funerals unfortunately can bring out the worst in people. You've carried out John's wishes, as he would have wanted, and that is what counts.
  • GraceB
    GraceB Member Posts: 1,598
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thanks for all your very kind replies.

    My main concern was always that John's wishes were complied with 100%. It would have been so wrong for anything other than that outcome to have been reached.

    GraceB
    Turn a negative into a positive!
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 26,748
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    GraceB wrote:
    Thanks for all your very kind replies.

    My main concern was always that John's wishes were complied with 100%. It would have been so wrong for anything other than that outcome to have been reached.

    GraceB

    Precisely Grace and you ensured that was done.

    ((()))

    Love

    Toni xxx
    Love

    Toni xxx
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,558
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I understand that this may not seem to be true for you but these are still early days; the practical repercussions of death reverberate amongst those left behind be they husbands, wives, partners or children (in this day and age familial ramifications can be even more extensive). A blessing is that John had the foresight and wisdom to make a will, many lack the courage to do so. Death can bring out both the best and worst in people and very often does. I hope that you now feel secure house-wise even though it must be difficult.

    There is no right or wrong way to feel after the death of a loved-one. Everyone grieves in their own way - I've experienced the deaths of his parents and mine (today is the 15th anniversary of his Pa's death, he was the first of our four) but am fully aware that, if Mr DD goes first, I haven't really begun to comprehend the impact of loss. For what it's worth I reckon you are doing OK, just take it one day at a time and the sharper edges will become smoother. ((( ))) DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben