Time to stop being an ostrich

Slosh

I have spent the summer very much within my comfort zone, emotionally as well as physically but that is now coming to an end and I need to get my head out of the sand. I know until the last week or two I haven't been as active as usual here but just felt a bit overwhelmed by everything.

I was physically exhausted by the end of term, and then the all the emotional stuff I have been through in the past year hit me too. Enter pain, fatigue, depression etc.

I pushed things away and tried to ignore them.

I did things I wanted, when I wanted, I built a new website for my craft "business " and set up an online shop - (but this was more physically challenging than I expected), I just saw people I wanted to see, spent time with my daughter and grandchildren and just tried my best to ignore less pleasant things (and people).

The trouble is its now coming to an end. I really have mixed feelings about going back to work, mainly because this year I know how demanding of me it can be, and also as I will be sharing my office with someone who has been less than supportive of me and who does not respect me. I also find it hard going back and not being "better", it just throws everything in my face again.
Then there's my appointment on Monday, and due to problems with sleeping which the GP (not my usual one) attributes to stress it's back to counselling again, though I have to admit this is probably a good idea especially as there has been an issue with my ex and my sister is not communicating with me at all at the moment.

I know I will get through this because that's what I do, but in the meantime I feel I'm back to taking things day by day and not planning too far ahead.

Just needed to get this off my chest to people who understand, now time to get back to polishing and repairing my armour ready for Thursday.

dreamdaisy

((((( )))))

I don't think you have been an ostrich, I think you have had a taste of life as it can be lived without the stress of work, and I know it can make a great difference to how we cope with our varying conditions. I began my little business in 1995 but within two years my PsA began; I had no idea how useful being my own boss would be as it progressed but it meant I could call the shots concerning my time and how I used it. I was also fortunate in that my husband was well-paid and, no matter how I challenged him with my health, he is still.

I am in no position to offer advice but I can - and do - offer support. DD x

hileena111

Hi Slosh
You are not an ostrich. Not by any means.
You've gone through a lot and to be going back to someone who is unsupportive is not something anyone would look forward to.
I'm in no position to offer advice either but like DD says I'm here for any support you might need.
I was lucky in as much as when my arthritis really took off my kids were grown up so didn't have children to cope with. I didn't need to work either.
I did the same as DD for a long time.....self employed.....Child Minder and it was a big help but gave up when I felt I needed to.
So we are all here for you Slosh

Love
Hileena

Slosh

Thank you all so much, I still feel I have been hiding away but perhaps we all need to do that sometimes. I did experience some very unlikable feelings of jealousy as well, which upset me as I hated feeling like that, I did tell my daughter about this and she reassured me.

It's really only been the last week or so that I haven't needed to go and have a siesta so I think I did need the rest. I can access counselling through my school's sickness insurance policy so hopefully it won't be too long to wait.

dreamdaisy

There's nothing wrong with feeling jealous, surely that is a natural and human response to your straightened circumstances. You have had so much to deal with since you joined our 'merry gang' and you have done so with grace and positivity but - believe you me - both qualities wear thin every now and again. Learning how to thicken one's resolve is the sternest challenge we all face because it's not a one-off event. DD

theresak

I can well understand your apprehension about returning to work - you are not being an ostrich at all. You have had time, in the holidays , for yourself - no deadlines, no pressure etc. You know this will not be the case at work, and you have other things with which to contend as well.

Re the unsupportive colleague - for years I taught in a department where the HoD 's wife was also in the department, which was small, and believe me they could ( and did ) make life very difficult. I'm not by nature ' thick - skinned,' but I had to learn to stand my ground on many occasions. However, I was well at the time - RA hadn't yet entered my life. I'm not sure how I'd have coped had that been the case.

I wish you well - take one day at a time and look after yourself.

stickywicket

There's nothing whatsoever wrong with an occasional spot of ostriching. Sometimes the only reasonable reaction to life is to bury one's head in the sand and let others get on with things for a while. To be honest, that's not even decent ostriching if you're working on a new website and socialising with daughter and grandchildren. True ostriching requires that, before burying your head in the sand, you fully extend your spikes (My ostrich has porcupine genes) to repel all boarders.

From what you say you have had much to deal with on several emotional fronts during this supposedly 'rest period'. That would take its toll on anyone. And now a first rheumatology appointment plus the return to school and all the stress of both.

For what it's worth, I think you are, as usual, dealing with it all tremendously well. We all do or feel things, from time to time, which make us dislike who we are for feeling or behaving like that. You have been brave enough to honestly admit this not just to yourself but also to your daughter. That takes courage and it also diffuses the negative feelings so that you can now move on. It isn't 'you'. It might have been, very briefly, but not before and not now. It's gone.

I hope both the appointment and the return to school go well. As for the person sharing your office, you know the old trick for dealing with someone who is being less than pleasant – imagine them naked. And, in your case, imagine, also, all of us ready with our sticks, crutches, splints etc to give her a really hard time :swim-shark:

mig

Behave yourself Slosh you're no ostrich no more than the rest of us .Sending you some huge hugs and positive vibes. Mig X

Slosh

I see that in future I shall have to try harder at being an ostrich Sticky, I thought I had done a pretty good job of it!

I'm going to get some prints made of the days out I had with my family so I can renew the ones in my office so I can look at those as and when, and going to have tea and cake out tomorrow afternoon.

I will remember that trick with my colleague and also remember that when she complained about me to the deputy and head last year, (apparently by asking to meet with her to discuss why she was refusing to follow my guidance in regards to reading interventions, and pointing out that I did have a specialist qualification I was acting unprofessionally and causing her stress), in the meeting she was the one who came off worse so to speak!

You are all as wonderful and supportive as ever and it's helpful to know that feeling jealous because someone else can spend time with my family in the way I wish I could doesn't make me a bad person!

hileena111

Hi Slosh
I've just come back on to this thread and you sound so much brighter. I'm glad to hear you sounding like that.

It does sound as if you needed that time away...sticking your head in the sand

Love
Hileena

GraceB

Personally I don't think you've done anything you shouldn't have done.

Being around people at work who have no idea what it's like to live with arthritis isn't at all helpful. Perhaps this person needs to read The Spoon Theory and There's a Gorilla in the House?

Good luck with the rheumatology appointment, I hope it goes well. If you need pocket dwellers for this count me in!

And good luck with the first day of term when it comes, although you won't need the good luck wishes as you'll do splendidly well.

Take care,
GraceB

daffy2

You've not been burying your head in the sand at all as far as I can see, quite the reverse. You've made selective and intelligent use of your constrained physical and emotional energy, which if nothing else has given you some pleasant things to look back on. Much better than spending the holiday worrying about what's ahead and doing things you don't want to and that aren't necessary.
Oh and by the way - remember that ostriches are definitely not birds to be messed with, never mind where the head is.

Slosh

Thank you all, pocket dwellers welcome. Thank you for that Hilena11, I do feel more like myself, and while I may not have had the exotic holiday that some will have had, I have had the holiday that I needed.

That's a good point about the spoon theory, the last person I shared with used to ask if I was "ok" everytime I groaned/sighed etc.

stickywicket

Slosh wrote:

That's a good point about the spoon theory, the last person I shared with used to ask if I was "ok" everytime I groaned/sighed etc.

Which can be equally irritating

I think you can see from this thread, Slosh, that, even if you don't have confidence in your ability to handle this person, the rest of us do. The knowledge we gain about people on a forum such as this is, necessarily, partial but valid for all that. She might well be feeling a bit nattered herself having come off worse last time. Let's hope so 8)

Slosh

I often find the best way to deal with people like this is to kill with kindness! Many years ago I was the subject of some low level work place bullying, the two involved never spoke to me if they could help it, and would ignore me if they saw me. My policy was to say "Good Morning /Afternoon " with a smile, and be very polite.

There was an element of Karma, one ended up coverrng a very challenging yr 2 class I was teaching to give me some management time but by lunchtime she walked out saying she couldn't handle them, the other I did a two term secondment to cover her maternity leave and sort out her area of SEN before OFSTED came in.

So I will smile sweetly, offer use of my microwave and waterboiler and be sweetly suppotive of her!