What is the correct way?

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stickywicket
stickywicket Member Posts: 27,713
edited 7. Dec 2016, 14:01 in Community Chit-chat archive
To address an envelope to two people who are not married but in a long term partnership? Especially if you are unsure whether they are determinedly NOT Mr and Mrs.or might prefer others to think they were.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright

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  • daffy2
    daffy2 Member Posts: 1,636
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Not sure there is a 'correct' way Sticky, and are we talking Christmas cards here?
    For several years I had various permutations of this conundrum, and tended to be guided by my relationship to said people, and how they referred to themselves when sending to me.
    An old schoolfriend would get the envelope addressed to her, and partner included in the card greetings, as I'd never met him, but knew they were an item, and that carried on after they were married as she kept her own name for professional reasons. A more recent friend has a partner I know to talk to but don't consider a friend as such so again envelope addressed to her, greeting including both.
    For my son and daughter I would quite often put just christian names on the envelope(and that seems to be how they do it as well), or christian and surname of both but without titles. Order of precedence was my child first...(so could also be the person you know best?)
    I suspect I caused problems for people as I didn't use my married name and in any case spouse was away so much that many folks where I lived never really got to meet him, so I would get cards addressed to me, including him in the greetings if they knew his name, and(much easier!) the children.
    So, not much help I'm afraid!
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,281
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Not easy is it, I was looking for a card for a couple we know that were married then not and are now thinking about going to the alter again.. :o
    Love
    Barbara
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,426
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I'd go for:

    D. Smith and A. Jones
    65 Whatever Rd.,
    ...................

    When my Dad died their bank started addressing her envelopes initial and surname only without her 'title'.

    Apparently to protect her as being a woman alone???
  • daffy2
    daffy2 Member Posts: 1,636
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Apparently to protect her as being a woman alone???/quote]
    It's recommended that a listing in the telephone directory should be done like this as well, for the same reason, if you don't want to opt for no listing at all.
  • applerose
    applerose Member Posts: 3,621
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Depending on who it is, I sometimes only put their first names.
    Christine
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,426
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    daffy2 wrote:
    Apparently to protect her as being a woman alone???/quote]
    It's recommended that a listing in the telephone directory should be done like this as well, for the same reason, if you don't want to opt for no listing at all.

    It's a good idea, but a shame is necessary isn't it? Daffy :(
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,713
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    It is a shame but not, I think, a new shame. I remember women doing this years ago.

    In the end I just went for Mr & Mrs as I suspect, in their new home, people might be allowed to believe that they are. With others, in the past, I've adopted various solutions. There doesn't seem to be a one-size-fits-all one.

    Thanks to all who offered ways round it.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Well that's me Sticky, been together 20 years next Summer and not married. Usually its Mr. R.M & Ms. E. S. and I think the Ms is important.

    Elizabeth
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • GraceB
    GraceB Member Posts: 1,595
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    John and myself were together for 25 years. Post came to us as "Mr J xxx and Ms G xxx" or "Ms G xxx" & "Mr J xxx" depending which side of the family/whose friend it was sending the correspondence.

    I agree it is difficult these days as everyone is so aware of the need to be politically correct and not cause offence.

    GraceB
    Turn a negative into a positive!
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