Arthirtis and relationships

TheLordFlasheart Member Posts: 302
edited 3. Jan 2017, 20:09 in Living with Arthritis archive
So I've met someone recently, and I asked how she feels with me having arthritis, and it seems like she is not to bothered and does ask how me knee is.

My worry is that when im having a run of bad days (even more now its winter), it will come across as been negative.

How do you manage this balance? Is been open and honest the best way to go?
"Stoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast"


  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,560
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Great news :)

    How lovely - a new relationship just before Christmas.

    You've told her already and she's ok with it. That's a good start :)

    In my opinion I wouldn't mention it too much now, (don't want to become an arthritis-bore and see her eyes glaze over :wink: ), but would have plans in place for when you are feeling rough for more than a day or so. Such as...maybe film-nights in...takeaways (delivered of course).

    There will be times when you have no choice whatsoever but to mention it of course. I hope not too soon or too often.

    I am so pleased for you :D



    Toni x
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Don't hide it but don't bang on about it - arthritis is a very tedious subject to those who are subjected to too many 'Oh woe is me' recitals. It is a fact of your life and, if this relationship is to go further, it will become a fact of hers. I wonder if she knows others with the condition such as other friends or relatives?

    We married in 1997 just as mine was beginning so he has witnessed my steady decline over the years; he always says it is 'our' problem which I suppose it is: the trouble with me is I think it's mine, I'm very possessive about it. :wink: DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • Kerrsa
    Kerrsa Member Posts: 233
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    My OH is very supportive and accepts my aches and pains as part of me. It was him that suggested I started swimming when I could no longer play tennis.

    I do think he sometimes gets tired of me being tired all the time though, although doesn't say it. As I work long hours, he helps around the house a lot.

    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,725
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    dreamdaisy wrote:
    Don't hide it but don't bang on about it

    I'd heartily endorse that.

    I had RA before going to uni and meeting Mr SW. I tried to make it as small a factor of my life as possible but there were times I couldn't do things and times when I was laid up.

    It is what it is. Pointless to try to hide it as if it's something to be ashamed of but equally very off-putting to others if we allow it to define us.

    Good luck with the relationship :D
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • pot80
    pot80 Member Posts: 109
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Full marks for disclosing your situation right at the start. I think that the hardest thing to get across is the dreadful feeling of lethargy that that takes over from time to time as there is nothing visual to show for it. Your friend might like to read some of the Arthritis Care pamphlets relating to your particular problem at a later date. Hope that it all goes well for you together.
  • TheLordFlasheart
    TheLordFlasheart Member Posts: 302
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thanks for all the support/tips, really appriciated.

    We haven't actually met in person, as we met online and have just been chatting onlien/texting for past 3 weeks, but she seems very understanding about my arthritis (I think with her been in a healthcare profession helps).

    Thanks again for the advice :D
    "Stoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast"
  • hileena111
    hileena111 Member Posts: 7,099
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Well I agree with everyone else about "banging on" about it but at the same time don't hide it.
    My OH is very supportive. I didn't have arthritis when we married and gradually it has got worse and he's still here :lol: {almost 40 years since we got married}

    Tell your other half yes have a bit of a moan but come and have real moans to us.

    I do hope you meet up soon.

  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 0
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Good luck with the new romance!

    I've always felt its best to be honest. My approach is that I don't bring the subject up but will happily talk about things if i'm asked.