When does push becone shove?

Airwave!
Airwave! Member Posts: 2,427
edited 27. Jan 2017, 08:23 in Community Chit-chat archive
I'm not coping with the demands of my elderly mother, something happens and she presses the careline button who then ring me and ask when I will get to her. The ambulance came from another county 6 hours later the other night, I arrive before them and have to lift her, ten falls in three weeks with numerous problems.

I've spoken to her doctor and explained the situation, we pay for a care visit and a nurse comes in on an adhoc basis, an urgent assessment has been asked for but this takes a week.

Meanwhile back at the coalface four gc demand and I haven't had a nights sleep for a few weeks. Soneone tell me there will be an end to this, I will believe them and fall asleep..........zz zzz zzzzzzz

Comments

  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,150
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Cant really help but I sympathise and send you some hugs (((()))) .Mig
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,242
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Every news bulletin is full of the dire straits in which our NHS and Care Services now find themselves. I'm not sure what you can do to help yourself there, Airwave but, as for the grandchildren, maybe their parents could take some of the weight off your shoulders.
    "The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain." Kahlil Gibran
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,558
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh Airwave, I am so sorry to read this. This must be so very demanding on you as you have your own health concerns. It's good that she has the emergency button but that is a high number of falls. How far away does she live and do you have anyone else you can call on to help out? I wish you both well. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • Airwave!
    Airwave! Member Posts: 2,427
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thanks for your thoughts, shes three miles away. I was just trying to quantify things with my oh, do I start finding a carehome and selling hers or do I wait for the professionals who seem to have no sense of urgency.

    Meanwhile back at the ranch I have just returned from another minor disarster and picked up from pre-school.

    :animal_busy: if only........
  • lindamay
    lindamay Member Posts: 112
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    You must be so very stressed out. I know they always say life wasn't meant to be easy but does it have to be so difficult? I wish you well in trying to sort out the problems......
  • daffy2
    daffy2 Member Posts: 1,713
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    This is the reality of the changing age profile of our population and the changing demands on family members. Unfortunately it's one that the politicians just haven't grasped. Those family members who in the past would have been the ones to look after elderly relatives are themselves committed elsewhere, working and/or helping their children by taking on childminding duties.
    A couple of things. As you are paying for some care at present would it be possible to increase that until a more permanent arrangement can be agreed?
    It would be a good idea to start looking into what residential provision there is locally, visiting homes to see what you think. It can be a lengthy(and difficult ) process. Some places offer respite care and this might be worth looking into in case of emergency - whether because you can't cope or because it gets too risky for your mother to stay where she is but a long term solution isn't available quickly enough.
    Do your children have alternative arrangements for childcare in case of emergency? If not they need to think about that. Quite apart from the effect on your health of trying to deal with everyone's needs, there may come a situation where you just cannot be in two places at once.
    UTIs, dehydration and possibly blood pressure drugs can cause falls, the first 2 are very common causes, so the GP needs to check on those if it's not already being done. It's hard on top of everything else but you will need to keep reminding those involved that you are doing your best to avoid your mother ending up in hospital or as a care emergency, but you need their support to achieve that.
  • daffy2
    daffy2 Member Posts: 1,713
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    These may help with getting information about residential care and other options.
    http://www.cqc.org.uk the Care Quality Commission - which does the inspections. You can look at their assessments on places you are interested in, although this should also be available via the provider's own website.
    http://www.ageuk.org.uk useful advice about what to consider, what choices etc
    http://www.nhs.uk NHS Choices(no comment!) look for the care and support section at the bottom of the home page.
  • Airwave!
    Airwave! Member Posts: 2,427
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I've been through the lists of actions and am getting up to date SS have stepped in on a temporary basis and there is no infection so the confused state has no physical cause.

    I shouldn't be but am still surprised that we don't have a system for dealing with old age, having been through this recently with my father, I am having to relearn the pro speak and its meanings aĺl over again and how to deal with the pros.

    My gs (my shadow) has learnt 'kisses' and wanted to shower me with them today, what a lovely relief from reality!

    Dunno where our snowfight smilies have gone, they would be appropriate today?
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 26,667
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh Airwave I am sorry :( I presume the possibility of meds causing the confusion was also looked into, along with infection, meaning she is stuck with it :(

    Such an upsetting situation to find yourself in and for you poor Mum too :(

    I am glad that SS are now involved and hope they will help guide you along.

    Thank goodness for your gorgeous GS, (AKA shadow), who must be making up for a lot with those adorable kisses :)

    Will this smilie help for now??

    d015.gif

    or this one? k035.gif

    love

    Toni xx
    Love

    Toni xxx
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I know you were looking after some/all of the GC's while their parents were at work. Did you look at tax credits where your Son or Daughter can get money for childcare? It does depend on whether they get tax credits of course and how many hours they do at work but it would give you both a break.
    Can't help with the care of your Mother as I have had no experience, only that an Aunt had to sell her house and fund care for quite a few years.

    I care for my autistic Son and get given a few pounds to pay for respite or a carer, which I am grateful for but it is different for the elderly.

    Elizabeth x
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • daffy2
    daffy2 Member Posts: 1,713
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I shouldn't be but am still surprised that we don't have a system for dealing with old age,
    No you're right, we have 2 systems and they don't work together, quite the reverse in fact, so the poor people needing help get dropped between the two.
    Various political pigeons are coming home to roost(with the inevitable depositing of ordure!) about the dysfunctional Social Care/NHS relationship, and the part that cuts to local government budgets have played in that.
    I do hope that you are able to sort out a reasonable arrangement for your mother's care, and I sympathise with the struggle you are facing.
  • Airwave!
    Airwave! Member Posts: 2,427
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Tax Credits were changed a year or two ago so the kids don't recieve them any more. Yes this is tiring but just part of life? I have taken a step back and let SS deal with mum, I go in just a couple of times a day at mo.

    I thought I'd done the right thing years ago, I worked hard up to 18hr days at times, brought a goood family home and taught my kids to do the same, they did and have been in negative equatity for years and can't move forward they need two of them to pay the mortgage, which is where we come in looking after the little dears.

    Only another 4 years and I get my pension, when I do I'm going to run away!
  • Airwave!
    Airwave! Member Posts: 2,427
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Push turned into an almighty shove a few days ago, mother will be in a care home by the end of next week, SS walked away from the problem, they won't even appoint a social worker, so I took the bull by the horns and its happy times care home for her.

    I told her what I had done and she leaned back and said 'oh thats a relief its over!' All that fuss and she really wanted to go, I could have saved myself all that anguish........parents, who'd have em!
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,092
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Airwave
    Sorry I am late seeing this..you have been having an hard time..its awful how the NHS system is falling apart..I honestly think we will end up paying.. financially.. I mean :roll: we more or less brought up 2 of our GC so I no how hard it is and you poor mum on top of that..I am glad she is safely in an home at least, and hope they look after her ..hopefully you can relax a little..
    Love
    Barbara
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,242
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Well done, Airwave. You took the initiative and did what had to be done for everyone's sake. I'm so glad your Mum approves.

    But it's not really Social Services' fault. They are woefully lacking in personnel and resources. When I moved here I had to return my bath lift to social services in Leeds and contact my new local ones for a replacement. I was told there was a 6 month waiting list for bath lifts and a 6 week one just to see a social worker and be assessed.

    (By the way, no need to peg your nose - I bought my own, guaranteed for life unlike my former ones which broke after 2 years.)
    "The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain." Kahlil Gibran