sister steamroller strikes again

daffy2

Some of you may remember that my younger sister gatecrashed my 60th birthday weekend, and made it memorable for the wrong reasons.
Now she is at it again. For reasons that aren't relevant here I have her and her eldest daughter's new British passports here and she was talking of coming over to pick them up and making a visit of it. I was finding ways to get them to her via other family going abroad, but no, she wants to visit. So I suggested a couple of dates, one of which is OK with her, but blow me she now says 'Oh I'll ask R(her OH) if he wants to come'.
Nooooo. I'm not moving out of my bed(spare room is a single) and I still don't have a fully functioning kitchen so catering for more than one is a headache. I've replied to explain I need to sleep in my own bed now that my back is so troublesome, but I have a suspicion she'll not take any notice....
She and I have always been very different, and in the past that hasn't mattered too much, but all the issues with our late mother, coupled with her children now being grown up, seems to have made her needy about contact with family members, and also not very tolerant/aware(I'm not sure which it is) of differing wishes and the need to respect them.

barbara12

Oh daffy this is a dilemma..but no way can they expect you to give up your bed..so thats that..just be straight with them...this is family's I suppose, not everyone gets on with there siblings..I do hope it all works out for the best...

stickywicket

I'm sorry I've been so late getting to this, daffy, but my reason for tardiness makes me very empathetic to your cause. We had some old friends to lunch on Wednesday then, Thursday - this morning - other friends staying. They were good, thoughtful, helpful guests and Mr SW is always at his most helpful in such situations but I am now shattered. For you, there would, presumably, be a less-congenial guest, more work and far more stress.

Sisters are difficult as they think they know us. But it ain't necessarily so. Mine either assumes I can do things I can't or insists on doing things for me that I can. And locking all my doors all the time :roll: She's actually very kind-hearted but......

I guess it's not, in itself, a bad thing that yours wants closer ties with you but to take for granted that you will decamp to a single bed to accommodate her and her OH is a bit much. Could you arrange to meet up somewhere equidistant for a meal? Must she actually come and stay?

I'm sorry, I'm sure you'll have already been through such possibilities. I hope you can come up with something that makes things a bit easier and less stressful for you.

daffy2

Thankfully things have moved on somewhat in that BIL is working on the weekend in question so he can't come. The daft thing is that I have a small double bed which sister and her daughter had to share when they descended on me 18 months ago, BIL is 6'4" and has his own back issues so she should have known that wasn't an option, but I suspect that as is her way she hasn't remembered or thought about that.
As she lives abroad and travels the world for work it has always been the case that she says when she can visit on the basis it's easier for us to fit in with her than the other way round. Does mean that she's got used to assuming that what suits her is OK by us.
The past few days I have been not at all good on the OA and other ailments front and the prospect of such a visitation threw me into a real tizzy - hence the post. I'm not one of these people who enjoys having visitors to stay nor am I all that keen on making visits to others, which I know sister doesn't understand.Having done a good few years of dealing with OH inviting his friends and not telling me, assorted family visits, and hosting foreign students when the children were at High School, I've done my bit and now I am happy to pull up the drawbridge!

stickywicket

Oh pull up the drawbridge and prepare the boiling oil, daffy An Englishwoman's home is her castle

Well, it looks as though your bed and your BIL are incompatible. How sad 8)

I think your sister probably does feel that it's up to her to arrange visits. Mine too. Admittedly, I can't access her first floor flat but it does sometimes irritate when she says "I won't come next week." I am tempted to reply "I didn't invite you" but her heart's in the right place.

I hope the visit isn't as bad as you fear. Please don't run yourself ragged.

tupney

:sun: Family, who would have them?. Many years age I found that I had type 2 diabetes, and my helpful(!?!) sister-in-law took it apun herself to tell me 'you can't eat that, don't even look at that!. I'm sure that she thought she was being very(?) helpful. It all came to a head one day when I told her a few 'home truths' that she did'nt like,but she stopped telling me what to do.
If you rarely see each other, that's good,but you have to have a 'quiet word in her shell-like', and not be pushed into something. She should be putting you first not her.
Be calm, think 'it will pass, it will pass'.
Tupney.

daffy2

Just when I thought(silly me I should know better by now) it was sorted I've now had an email to say she's been offered concerts that weekend with UK rehearsal on Friday so she'll "come to me earlier". That'll be the Thursday I'm currently already double-booked with two overlapping engagements....
I'm not thinking about it as nothing is definite yet and one of the Thursday happenings I can miss if necessary. I've let her know what the situation is and I'll wait to hear.

stickywicket

Oh daffy. Just say OK but you can't do the Thursday. She's not the only one leading a busy life, is she?