Feeling badlylet down

lindamay
lindamay Member Posts: 118
edited 30. Mar 2017, 03:08 in Community Chit-chat archive
Just over 2 years ago my husband became ill with what our doctor said was urine infection. He was given antibiotics and he improved but 3 times it came back and doctors gave him stronger antibiotics. Eventually he went for a diabetes check and was told his kidneys weren't working. He was sent to see a consultant in May last year who examined him and said he needed a Turps operation and was put on the waiting list. He told him he would sort out his problem and things would be fine. Eventually after pestering the hospital for a date ( I was due to go in for a hip replacement end of November) they gave him a date and he had the Turps beginning of November. 2 weeks later a nurse at the hospital rang to tell us they wanted to see us as they had found cancer. We were shocked to say the least. After further consultations blood tests MRI scan, and Bone scan they told us he has advanced prostrate cancer and it has spread to his bones in 3 areas. He is now on hormone replacement injections which will not get rid of the cancer but hopefully contain it. He is feeling well at the moment. We were advised to write to PALS. This week we received a letter back from the hospital in the form of an apology saying back last May the consultant had recommended a Turps within 6 weeks and it was advanced cancer at that stage. Lots more things went wrong in between but too numerous to name. The hospital said if we wish to take it further to contact their legal department and wish him well with future treatment. We feel so let down. Our lives turned around. We are still trying to be positive and enjoy each day. Our family say we should pursue it. We have not yet decided but would hate this to happen to anyone else so we may go ahead. I had my op and am now well on the mend and gradually getting fitter and more active again. I was grateful to the hospital (different one) for how I was treated.

Comments

  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,764
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    What sad reading! I'm so sorry things have gone so bad for you but I laud your determination to makeathe most of things.

    Should you take legal action? I think you must do what feels right for you. Many years ago, when I had breast cancer, things kept getting delayed by bank holidays. MR SW wanted to take action when I'd had my mastectomy and the outcome was very uncertain but my view was that, if I didn't have much time left, I didn't want it taken up by acrimony and legal stuff.

    I don't kmow if that will be of any help or none but I'm afraid it's all I can offer. My best wishes to both of you.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • lindamay
    lindamay Member Posts: 118
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you for you kind message and support. We have just had a few days away and enjoyed the beautiful spring weather getting out and about. Next week its back to appointments. My husband spoke to the legal department from the hospital and all they say is please accept our apologies and wish you well with future treatment. When my husband was self employed lorry driver, if he did anything wrong he was punished. This consultant has changed our lives but nothing happens. They said just to make sure this never happens again.
    We WILL enjoy our lives while he is fit and able. We are so lucky having a good supportive family and lots of good friends.
  • Slosh
    Slosh Member Posts: 3,194
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    So, so sorry, and angry, to read this. Just don't know what to say
    He did not say you will not be storm tossed, you will not be sore distressed, you will not be work weary. He said you will not be overcome.
    Julian of Norwich
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 30,048
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Gosh Lindamay :shock:

    I am so sorry to read this.

    Oddly enough my very good friend went through something similar with her husband too. Like yourselves the problems started with the Gp delays there which could have helped him with an earlier diagnosis. His urine samples were almost pure blood and came back normal???

    I have often thought it should be a matter of routine for men to be tested (a cheap blood test) for prostate problems, but for some reason it isn't done.

    I am glad to see your husband is having hormone injections which should contain the cancer and should mean he stays well I hope for a very long time.

    Nothing can compensate for what you are both going through and of course the rest of the family.

    Take care I will be thinking of you ((()))

    Love

    Toni xxx
  • lindamay
    lindamay Member Posts: 118
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you again for every ones good wishes. This next week they are going to try to take the catheter out. He has had it in for over 12 months. We have to be at the hospital (35 miles away) for 8.30 am and will be there for several hours to see if he can go by himself. If not they put it back in. They have also changed his next appointment with the oncologist for 3 weeks later due to what they say are "none medical reasons". But still we keep smiling :sun:
  • palo
    palo Member Posts: 240
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    This makes me so mad at them and sad for you.

    I was always of the school, no don't sue, the need the money for other people, but I think there should be consequences for these mistakes and delays. It is not going to help you but the more those responsible are held to account the more likely that changes in laws and procedures occur to ensure that other families do not suffer the same.

    Whatever you decide good luck, and I hope you and your family all the best.
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 30,048
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Good on you both Linda for keeping smiling - a positive attitude is what you need in this sort of situation.

    Probably the oncologist wants to find out whether the catheter removal was successful.

    I will have my fingers crossed he can 'go'.

    Love and ((()))

    Toni xxx
  • lindamay
    lindamay Member Posts: 118
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you to all. I sometimes feel guilty because my hip replacement in November went well and I am doing great. I can walk much better now and without a stick. Will keep you posted on progress with my husband.
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,764
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh, Lindamay, no, no, no! Banish that thought. It's a well-known thing that those who eg survive a train crash feel guilty just for getting through something that proved very costly for others. It's very natural but serves no good purpose.

    Your op went well partly due to the skills of the surgeon and, in no small parr, due to your own efforts to make the prosthesis work. Be proud of what you've achieved. Your husband's bad luck is in no way due to you. ((( )))
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 30,048
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Please do keep us up to date if you don't mind - we care.

    As for you being lucky with you hip.....

    I felt so guilty when my 16-year old got cancer, I thought it ought to have been me. I had smoked years ago, drunk too much in my youth. She had done nothing, but the consultant explained that it was just bad luck :(

    Please take care of you too

    Love and
    ((()))

    Toni xx
  • lindamay
    lindamay Member Posts: 118
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hubby had the catheter taken out yesterday and at first it was difficult but today seems to be settling. Obviously the main problem won't go away but at least he is more comfortable now and slept better last night. Thank you to all. It does help knowing other people are there for :sun: us.
  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 3,635
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    thank you for the update on your husband and I am glad he had a better nights sleep without the catheter. Sleep well is such an important thing.
    Sending Best Wishes to you both
    Sharon
  • lindamay
    lindamay Member Posts: 118
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you.
    We are spending quality time away this weekend with our daughter and 9 year old grand daughter.
  • lindamay
    lindamay Member Posts: 118
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I think we have come to the decision not to go ahead any claim against the hospital. It would be too draining going through all the legal process. We are going to enjoy life and live it to the best of our ability. Anger is detrimental. He is gradually adjusting to life without a catheter, we joke about knowing where every toilet is if we are out and about locally and plan any journey to cater for this. Laughter is better than any medicine the doctor gives out!
    :lol::lol:
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,764
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Just a thought.

    A friend of ours was operated on for cancer of the rectum and, for some time afterwards, when he had to go he really had to go. In addition to his RADAR key for disabled loos, he was given a card which he had only to show in any shop, or other places, to gain access to staff loos if there was no public one. I don't know who offered him this but I thought I'd let you know in caae it might be of use.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 30,048
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    lindamay wrote:
    I think we have come to the decision not to go ahead any claim against the hospital. It would be too draining going through all the legal process. We are going to enjoy life and live it to the best of our ability. Anger is detrimental. He is gradually adjusting to life without a catheter, we joke about knowing where every toilet is if we are out and about locally and plan any journey to cater for this. Laughter is better than any medicine the doctor gives out!
    :lol::lol:

    Well done Lindamay - you and your husband have the right attitude there :)

    It would be time-consuming and just stir up negative feelings doing battle. You are right to enjoy life now.

    Oh yes laughter should be available on prescription!!

    Love and ((()))

    Toni xxx

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