Enough is enough, stopping work

Slosh

So first week back at school after the school holidays was last week. Worked Wednesday, had to take day off on Thursday, struggled through work on Friday. I also had a good chat with my headteacher which helped and confirmed what I was thinking in terms of the next stages of restructing, sorry can't spell today, that my post would go.
Went in today and when my head saw me he obviously saw I wasn't good. I said I would try and keep going for the day but that was probably going to be it. He just said not to worry and go as soon as I wanted.
I had a lovely pair of yr 3 girls to teach but it was so hard that I called it a day after that.
I saw the deputy and told him, and he was so kind and understanding that the tears came. Apart from that I just told one other colleague face to face and then sneaked out.

So, that's it. See GP next week and then once I have sick note school will arrange OH appointment.

Just feeling alternatively numb and tearful at the moment, just can't face thinking that my teaching career is over at present.

dibdab

Really feeling for you Slosh, I so well remember that mixture of relief and sadness. Hold on to this......it will all be alright, a different kind of alright, but less wearing and painful. You have given your all to many, many children over your career, but now it's time to take of you because you're worth it! Life is stages on a journey, for now you're pulling into a layby whilst you plan the next stage, and who knows what pleasures and excitements lie ahead.....what is for sure is that you can look back on the journey so far and absolutely know that you've given it all you have to give, it's given you satisfaction, but now is time to look forward safe in the knowledge that you have chosen the time and not been pushed in to it by restructuring or redundancy.

I hope the transition runs smoothly for you, but just take time to process that this isn't giving in or giving up, it's embracing truth and looking forward. Sending hugs (((((( ))))).

Deb xx

Rach101

So sorry to hear that Slosh, I lost my last job due to this disease and although I'm happy with my new job it is still a big struggle, thinking of you xx

dreamdaisy

I have no doubt that you have made the right decision, difficult though it is. In due course you will be able to reflect with pride that not once did you give up, that you adjusted and altered again and again and that this, albeit hard, is the right choice. Your daily needs, and those of your future health, are paramount. ((((( ))))) DD

TheLordFlasheart

Sorry to hear you made that choice Slosh, but it sounds like you made the right choice in the end.

Wishing you all the best.

stickywicket

It's a big decision but I really think it's the right one for you. You've given teaching your very best shot. You fought the disease bravely but fighting the system too is a step too far.

Good luck with the jewellery, Slosh.

Slosh

Thank you all. What truly amazed me were the lovely and sincere messages I have recieved from friends at work, not just the usual "sorry to hear that take care" messages but really thoughtful ones, from friends saying they weren't ready for this, were sad, and praising me.

My daughter phoned, and suggested I go over Friday, go with her to collect my two oldest grandchildren from school and then take them to KFC or wherever which is lovely.

I will be focussing more on my jewellery if only to boost my pension. Still I should have another 2-3 months of pay before it kicks in.

Just feeling very tired now, which I think is natural, and my last lesson with two lovely yr 3 girls had them telling me I was the best teacher in the school.

Starburst

Hello Slosh,

Not an easy decision to make but a brave one. In light of what's going on with your jewellery, it could end up being a pivotal time for you.

You've obviously made an impact on many young lives as well as on your colleagues and that is something that will always stay with you.

I wish you luck in the future. I believe that you have the strength to take whatever comes your way and make it with for you.

Sophie x

Slosh

Thank you Starburst.
I felt quite strange yesterday and I miss the children I was teaching and that I went so suddenly, but it wouldn't have been fair to them either to keep struggling through.

Sadly the education system is changing, and the member of staff who took over from me as SENCO etc is very different to me, part of a new breed of SENCOs who see children as something to fit into boxes, tick boxes against, and not see as individuals who need someone to fit for them, especially if parents do not understand the system.

I just don't have the energy to keep fighting anymore, but at least I know that I have done my best.

It does also seem that it might be time for me to focus on something new, and with my jewellery I can fit it in to how I am, and fit things around my body and pace myself properly.
I know that I have done the right thing for me and my family, and that it's time to put myself first.

bubbles

Hi Slosh - I must apologise, I do not give the forum as much support as I would like to. Time and family run away with you.

I am certain you have made the right decision, your words touched me and reminded me of when I had to leave my nursing career, due to ill health.
After giving so much, as you have done, seeing people as individuals and not as check lists or benchmarks, targets to achieve. The same applied to nursing in many respects, gone was the old training syllabus, everyone was full of theory and knew little of the reality. Those who worked with you obviously have great respect for you and sound incredibly supportive.

You will have time to do your own things and your own pace and as I often think now, there are not enough hours in the day.

Take care XX Aidan

Slosh

Thank you so much for that Aidan, and I agree that in a world of targets and checklists individuals can often get lost.

Since stopping work I have noticed that my stress linked sleeping problem (massive twitches and jerks of my body as I relax which have resulted in my hitting myself so hard I get bruises ), has stopped which tells me a lot about the pressure I was putting on myself.

Like nursing, teaching is a job where it is not possible to pace yourself, take rest breaks, or take things steady, and where you never know with certainty what the working day will bring....

I feel content knowing I have made the right decision.

Thanks again

stickywicket

I'm so glad you seem to be reaping the benefits of less stress. It's one thing for us, on here, to feel you did the right thing but quite another for the person doing it. I hope things continue to improve.

mig

Sending some hugs .(((())))

applerose

Such a big decision to make but obviously the right one. Now is the beginning of a new life doing things you can enjoy without the stress. Take care.

Slosh

Thank you. It was lovely yesterday to play "Granny" and do something I've never been able to do before which was pick up my two older grandchildren from school.
I just feel Arfur has taken away a lot, and that spending weekends and holidays just recovering from work is not the way forward. Who knows what the future holds? Just want to do some more of the things I want, and can do.

applerose

Have you seen the "More than my RA: Improving body image in women with rheumatoid arthritis" study. I'm doing this. It helps you think about the things your body can do rather than concentrate on what it can lo longer do. I've found it helpful. Can't remember where I found it now but will have a search and post the link.

applerose

Found it - http://www.nras.org.uk/more-than-my-ra-improving-body-image-in-women-with-rheumatoid-arthritis There is an email address at the bottom to contact the lady doing the study. You read what she says then answer questions. You also type up a little bit about how you feel.