Depression ??

ouchinghipandknee
ouchinghipandknee Member Posts: 8
edited 28. May 2017, 04:21 in Living with Arthritis archive
Hello every one I posted a couple days ago on the hello board
I posted after a upsetting apointment with my doctor who made me feel like a total inconvenience and a moaner
Since Friday I have found things really hard to cope with I'm starting to think I could be depresssed but I'm just not sure ( could I just be feeling sorry for myself ) I went to the doctors as I was aware I am not coping very well with the pain In my hips and knees from the arthritis and recently I have devolped symptoms in my elbows and hands but to cut a long story short since Friday or maybe even before I have just found every thing to be such a struggle sleeping working interacting all seem an effort despite the fact I'm a very sociable person and I love my job I'm crying at silly things finding it an effor to enjoy time with my beautiful two year old granddaughter who I totally and utterly adore
I dare not go back to the doctors s I don't want to seem if I'm there moaning about something else
Is this normal ? Is it possible to feel like this or am imaging it I know pain can do strange things to ones body
I ha e read the links about coping with pain and I found these to be useful but I guess I'm looking for anyone else who as found there selfs in similar situation ?
I can talk to my hubby he just doesn't understand as he sees no physical marks or symptoms he just tells me to pulll myself together :(
Can anyone offer me any advice the people on the hello board have been very kind but I still think the more advice I have the better I can arm myself with
Sorry I have a tendency to ramble on abit
Thank you in advance to you all

Comments

  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,094
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello do you mind me calling you ouch.. :)
    This really is normal, my story is I was training to be a fitness instructor, after many years at the gym, then my knee started to hurt then hips..a long story short I have had both Hips replaced ..but other joints have joined in...
    Right back to you , go back to your GP,not easy I know, many of us have had battles with them over Arthritis ..make a list and say what you want to say, never mind you dont want to be seen has a moaner pain is pain..I was put on antidepressant in the early days and boy did they help me through a real bad patch, , believe it or not you do sort of get used to it ..and you do need help..good luck let us know how you get on..
    Love
    Barbara
  • daffy2
    daffy2 Member Posts: 1,713
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Short answer is No, the feelings you're describing are not normal, and the GP needs to know.
    Pain can cause depression and it becomes a vicious circle as being depressed makes it even more difficult to cope with the pain.
    When you speak to the GP I suggest you focus on the crying and feeling unhappy all the time and that this is a new experience for you. There is a tick list you can fill in which the GP can use to assess whether you need to be taken seriously(sorry to sound a tad cynical there - let's face it a good GP shouldn't really need to use a computer generated diagnosis sheet,but if it gets results.... ) which from what I recall having done several you should be.
    Please remember that it's not for you to worry about what the GP thinks of you, it's for the GP to try and help you deal with what is causing you difficulties in coping with your health situation.
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,558
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I think you are displaying some of the classic symptoms of depression and need to see your GP. I was diagnosed with depression back in 2011 when the OA was confirmed, I happily accepted taking anti-depressants with the ambition of coming off them after a few months but my rheumatologist disagreed; her reasoning was that if I was mentally stronger I would cope better and I have to agree. I take a small daily dose of Citalopram, maintaining my mental health is vital given the physical challenges I face. Please make an appointment and chat things over with your doctor - and let us know how you get on. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,252
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I have to agree with the others. I know you hate going to the docs but sometimes it just has to be done. Is there a different one you can see?

    It's no wonder you are depressed. You are trying so hard to keep juggling so many aspects of life. Something has to give. Don't let it be your mental health. Get some help with it.

    As for your husband - it is, indeed, hard for them to understand just what difficulties we face. I've had RA for all the time I've known my husband of nearly 50 years yet he stills just doesn't get it at times. We actually have to support them in their understanding of how things are for us by explaining, as necessary, what we can't do and why we can't do it and - the hardest bit - why some days we can and some days we can't.

    Do keep in touch.
    "The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain." Kahlil Gibran
  • Slosh
    Slosh Member Posts: 3,194
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I agree to, one of my meds doubles up as helping to reduce my neuropathic pain and as a mild antidepressant. I have also had some counselling (I know it's not for everyone), as while the depression does still push through at times I did go through a very bad time about a year after neck surgery which had not given the results I had expected, it did really help me understand and work through things that were feeding my depression.
    He did not say you will not be storm tossed, you will not be sore distressed, you will not be work weary. He said you will not be overcome.
    Julian of Norwich
  • dalek
    dalek Member Posts: 32
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I am shocked at your GP response.
    Have you tried italk, free counselling service.

    Sent from my Signature Touch using Tapatalk
  • ouchinghipandknee
    ouchinghipandknee Member Posts: 8
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you to everyone who replied to my rambling post
    I came to do an update
    After a return visit to my GP today I feel none the wiser to why I feel so low
    I felt very panicked at the thought of sitting in his room explaining my self and my symptoms so I rushed everything out in one long babble I don't think I even took a breath ( think I was waiting for him to tell me to shut up and stop moaning ) did ask to see another doctor but there was no locum on call at the surgery
    All the while I was talking my doctor was staring at his computer screen so I'm not sure he even heard a word of my panicked babble
    He responded with I have increased your pain patchs what more do you want me to do ?
    He suggested my mood could be due to the menopause ? I'm 52 ? Not even sure if I'm post or pre menopause
    He as referred me for blood tests
    Then he suggested I need an MRI ( not sure we're that came from ) was he reading my notes from my last appointment while he was staring at the screen ?
    I tried again to explain my load mood the crying at silly things while he looked at me and started coughing ( he apologised and said he was himself feeling under the weather)
    He then suggested I go home consider my life style options ( working socialising etc ) and If i was still feeling low to go back and see him in 3 months ( don't think I have the energy or the strength to put myself through any more appointments which leave me feeling lower than when I entered his room
    I don't know what to do all I want is to go back to enjoying my life ( I accept people have far greater issues in life to cause pain than me ) I just want to feel myself smile I want to lift this weight I feel myself dragging around so why can't I do this why do I open my eyes in a morning and my first thought is how do I get through today
    I'm tired of feeling this way and I'm tired of my family suffering for it
    Sorry for my moaning
    I think every one on here is amazing I don't think I have ever felt so able to talk and express my feelings without being judged or critiqued or moaned at when each and everyone of you have your own struggles to bear but you take the time to read and advise on some ones else's
    Thank you to you all
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,558
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh my word. What an insensitive clod, oaf and twerp, I am so sorry you had to undergo another negative experience with the medical profession. There is one GP at our practice whom I utterly dislike, he has all the charm of a vomit-covered pavement (and the social skills to match) so is always available for appointments.

    In your shoes I would write a letter of complaint to the Practice Manager but I completely understand how much of a challenge that will be both to do and follow up. I am fortunate because, living in a fairly large town, I have the choice of practices but realise that others are not in the same position. You certainly deserve and need a more empathetic GP, can any friends recommend one? I'm sure others will be along soon with much better ideas and suggestions. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • Slosh
    Slosh Member Posts: 3,194
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I'm with DD in terms of considering a complaint, that response is unbelievable and with any ongoing health problem having a supportive and understanding GP is vital.

    It might be worth investigating any local adult counselling/mental health services. Where I live there is a free to user service which you can self-refer to, is there anything similar where you live?

    You mention a job, do they have an occupational health service you could request a referral to? They can signpost to counselling services and the report would be useful to show a GP. Some employers also offer access to a freephone helpline.

    Finally, you can always call the Samaritans if you just want to talk to someone, they are not just there for people contemplating suicide and are there 24/7.
    He did not say you will not be storm tossed, you will not be sore distressed, you will not be work weary. He said you will not be overcome.
    Julian of Norwich
  • Jam84
    Jam84 Member Posts: 6
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi

    I starting feeling this way earlier this year and still very in the midst of the feeling. I went to the Dr's and basically just let it all out. She gave me a number for self referral counselling and I am starting CBT in June. I have young children and found/find myself snapping over the smallest things, especially at the end of a long day and that among other things was getting me down and the same as you I simply couldn't focus on anything, my work suffered as well and I gave up my new job and moved back into my old one as it was easier to do than try and put energy into learning a new one at this time. I went out with friends in February and they had to send me home early as they could see how much pain I was in and wanted me to rest. All that combined just got on top of me.

    I reached out for advice and it was just "go and see your Dr and speak about it". So I did. Feel better knowing I have taken the first step. They did talk about anti depressants but with all the meds for the arthritis I decided against it.

    Hope you find a way to take it on and start dealing with it.

    James
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,252
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I think it was very brave of you to go back to your GP when you clearly didn't want to and were so worried about it. Well done you!

    You say 'I feel none the wiser to why I feel so low'. I think, to the rest of us on here, it's very obvious why. I can give you several reasons – (i)You have arthritis. That's quite enough all by itself. (ii) You ' work long hours and it's quite physical work' (iii)You are taking strong pain relief (the patches) and they can cause depression (iv)It sounds as if your OH is not really on board with all this. That will create tension between the two of you and make you feel very alone with it all. (v) You may be menopausal. Those are just some perfectly valid reasons which spring to mind.

    Your GP doesn't sound to have the perfect bedside manner but I'm going to play devil's advocate here so please bear with me and also bear in mind this is no criticism whatsoever of you.

    He 'started coughing ( he apologised and said he was himself feeling under the weather)', If he is alone, with only locums, he must be finding life very stressful himself and would feel under pressure to come into work when he didn't feel well enough. (Just like you?)

    'All the while I was talking my doctor was staring at his computer screen'. This is not good practice. I guess some people, even docs, are uncomfortable with eye contact though he should make an effort. Maybe he was trying to think, quickly, what he could do for you. To be fair, as he has referred you for both blood tests and an MRI, those are both pretty good results. Many people on here have to practically beg for either so at least those will help to shed some light on things.

    You say 'He suggested my mood could be due to the menopause ? I'm 52 ? Not even sure if I'm post or pre menopause'. To be honest, what does the cause matter but, really? You don't know if you've been through the menopause? I don't think many of us post-menopausal females can say that :lol:

    I wonder if you actually asked if he'd think anti-depressants might help.

    'He then suggested I go home consider my life style options ( working socialising etc )' He has a point, you know. You do a hard, physical job and work long hours at it. If you read other posts on here you'll find virtually all of us have had to do fewer hours, go part time, change jobs and / or give up working completely. There has to be a work / life balance and, if we don't constantly work hard (pardon the pun :roll: ) at it then the arthritis and / or the meds will take it all away. We have to be adaptable – keep giving up some precious things in order to have a life and the time to take up other things which may or may not, eventually, become equally precious and hard to let go of.

    You can, indeed, go back to enjoying your life but it won't quite be the same life as before. Sometimes we just have to take a leap (not that we can :wink: ) into the dark. There will always be pain but it eases quite a lot when we stop pushing our poor, beleaguered bodies to the limit every day.

    You can't have your old life back. But you can have a very good new one and we'll help as much as we can.

    And, just for the record, it's the easiest thing in the world to change your GP. Just rock up at the new one's surgery (preferably with a prescription to show what meds you're on) and they will do all the paperwork. You don't ever have to see the old GP again.
    "The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain." Kahlil Gibran
  • ouchinghipandknee
    ouchinghipandknee Member Posts: 8
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you again to all who have replied
    Sticky wicket I take on board everything you say I understand doctors can get ill too and I also appreciate the enmourous pressure there under but I don't feel this is an excuse to leave a patient a quivering bag of nerves about seeing them ( I don't go to the doctors until I know I'm no longer in a position of A managing my pain or B coping without sound medical advice
    I know I can come across as moaner I think it's not intentional
    I do work long hours and my work is physical and yes I know maybe I'm not helping myself by not reducing what I do but I feel right now this is the only part of my life I'm in control off I worked extremely hard to build my business and maybe if I'm honest I'm a little scarded to let it go ( right now despite everything and no matter how I feel it's the one thing that keeps me kinda going )
    I appreciate your comments about him referring me for blood tests and an MRI maybe I would find comfort in this if he had explained why he was taking this course of action
    Honestly no I have no idea if I have been through the menopause I don't self diagonse I have read countless symptoms of the menopause on line and yes I could fit any of the symptoms to myself but would this tell me conclusively that I have been ?
    I'm trying desperately to find enjoyment in my life I know it's down to me to do this so I'm trying to pick myself up shake myself down and look at the pisatives in my life and not the negatives hopefully I'll get there just might take a while
    I have been with my doctors practice 35 years so I guess the thought of changing is as scarey as seeing the doctor when he's not going to be in a pleasant mood :(
    I don't expect the doctor to look me in the face constantly I understand he might be reading my notes from any previous visits but could he not at least acknowledge me ?he didn't even look at me when I walked into his room on shaking legs
    Anyway this isn't about me delegating my doctor your right it's about me finding away to enjoy my life but in a different way
    They say change is good but honestly this scares me with each new change in my body I feel I'm losing a another bit of myself so to start changing how I work my entire days scares me even more
    But to be honest it coming here seeing how other people mange reading the replays to my ramblings that makes me know I can do this
    Yes it's not going to be easy and I might have days were I really can't cope but if I do I tell myself it's just a day not the rest of my life
    Your all pretty amazing the positively from every gives me the strength to do this so thank you
  • daffy2
    daffy2 Member Posts: 1,713
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    But to be honest it coming here seeing how other people mange reading the replays to my ramblings that makes me know I can do this
    Yes it's not going to be easy and I might have days were I really can't cope but if I do I tell myself it's just a day not the rest of my life
    Hang onto those thoughts. You have a great deal to cope with at present and seeing a way forwards will take time and energy that you don't have to spare just now.
    I'm sorry that your relationship with your GP is not as good as you would like and I can understand you not being keen to make a change, but it might be that both of you have got into a rut - on the one hand you can't express yourself clearly to him and you feel he has a negative view of you and your problems, and on the other he finds it difficult to sort out the best way to proceed as it's not clear which things you feel need priority(that may have been behind his comment about not coming in with multiple issues to discuss). It might be that seeing another GP(so that neither of you fall automatically into the existing unsatisfactory roles) and focusing on one issue - make a couple of notes if you like to keep you on track and enable the GP to be clear about what you want help with- (the depression as that seems to be to the fore in your worries just now) might get a bit of progress.
    Regarding the menopausal thing, it might be helpful for you to do a bit of fact finding, for various reasons, not least because at 52 it is an issue one way or the other. One is that women 'of a certain age' are too often seen by(male in particular) GPs as a collection of hormone related ailments which may block proper consideration of symptoms the patient is concerned about. Another is that even if menopause isn't directly/solely responsible, there is no doubt that it doesn't make things any easier when it comes to aches and pains and mood swings but at least you would have some idea about why you feel as you do! You would also be better placed to make decisions about whether you want to actively manage menopause through HRT for instance.
    Things can and will improve, although not necessarily as you envisage initially,so try not to overthink problems. Instead make the most of the things that do go right, however small. A smile, a flower, a stranger holding a door open for you, are things to bank against the rainy days.
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,252
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I would endorse all that daffy says but would like to add that you don't 'come across as a moaner' but as someone with real difficulties arising from her arthritis and possibly from other areas too. We all need a good moan from time to time but that doesn't make us moaners, only human beings.

    Oddly enough, I changed my GP practice six months ago after exactly 35 years with the previous one. I had to as I was moving house. It seemed very daunting. Unlike you, I felt I'd always been given excellent treatment by my former GPs, rheumatologist, orthopaedic consultant and podiatrists and we moved to an area where, effectively, there is only one practice so even more scary. Fortunately I've found the new ones every bit as good as the old ones. They do things slightly differently but still very well.

    Change is often very scary but, with arthritis, it's something we have to get used to as changes will come whether we initiate them or not. We can aim to stay in control by arranging our lives differently, anticipating what is clearly coming and learning to prioritise and let go of the bits that don't matter so much. Or we can try to hang on to all what we have. That latter just doesn't work. It gives the disease free rein.

    I so understand when you write ' with each new change in my body I feel I'm losing a another bit of myself'. We old hands (I've had RA for over 50 years) frequently joke about 'another bit dropping off'. My maxim is 'adapt and survive'. I've adapted so many times I'm dizzy :lol:

    You say that your business is 'the only part of my life I'm in control off'. I'm certainly not going to pry into your private circumstances but maybe you might ask yourself which areas you feel not in control of and how you could change those areas for the better. No matter how 'unchangeable' they may seem I'll lay a pound to a penny that they they are not as intransigent as arthritis.

    As for the MRI and blood test(s) – the latter might be for all manner of things. Blood tests can give an indication of whether or not your iron / Vitamin D levels are low, whether your arthritis might actually be inflammatory in nature and a whole host of other things depending on what tests are done. An MRI scan will show up damage done by the arthritis much better than a simple x-ray. If it has progressed far enough then surgery might be an option but, there again, it might not. It's always good to know the score though, bearing in mind that damage done doesn't necessarily bear a lot of relation to pain perceived.

    The menopause. Well, even if you haven't experienced the dreaded hot flushes, night sweats, reduced sex drive, mood changes, headaches etc etc, the classic give away is that our periods stop and I guess that's pretty conclusive. It's another thing that your GP might be testing for in the bloods.

    I can ónly reiterate that we do understand and we will be here for you. And you are not moaning: you are worrying and trusting us with your worries. It's quite different.
    "The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain." Kahlil Gibran
  • ouchinghipandknee
    ouchinghipandknee Member Posts: 8
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you so much again
    Today I have sat down and willed myself to write down excately how I'm feeling when it started and what could be the triggers
    I'm hoping this will enable me to make a. More positive step at the next GP appointment If i find the bravery and energy to make one
    Coming on here as most certainly helped me to focus and stop over thinking everything from reading each and every one of your replies
    I think I need to accept my life is changing and I can't stop that I have to change and adapt with it
    After much discussion to day with my dearest and best friend and work colleague I have decide to reduce my work load this scares me greatly but I have to come to terms with how much demand it puts on my body
    I know i have a long way to go and I know I might still struggle I feel drained after today both physicaly and mentally but I also feel lifted if that makes any sense
    My best friend was amazing and totally surportive she as known I'm not feeling myself but she didnt know how bad I was feeling I just couldn't quite bring myself to tell her everything think I guess I felt I would be burdening her but obviously she didn't feel that way and said I can talk to her anytime
    It's good to have someone else to turn to who knows me personally
    I know I will still need to come here and let myself out I think because I don't know any of you personally I can open up ( I don't know why I feel that way and I don't care if it helps me that's what matters ) but I find it easier to write on here all I think and feel
    Each and everyone of you have given me advice and helped me I do keep re reading everything I think it gives me comfort
    Hopefully I will find it a little easier each day and if I don't well get ready everyone to give me a much needed kick up my message box to stop feeling sorry for myself xxx
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,252
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I think you've made a brilliant start :D

    There is no substitute for a good, honest talk with a good, caring friend and I hope there'll be more of these for you as yours does sound like a good one. There's truth in the old saying 'a burden shared is a burden halved'.

    It must have been very difficult for you to decide to cut your workload but, again, I think it's a good move.

    It's also true that, sometimes, it's easier to talk to complete strangers whom we'll never meet. Please do come here whenever you feel it might help. And, even if you don't need to chat with us beforehand, do let's know how the blood tests and MRI go.
    "The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain." Kahlil Gibran