Feeling sad

Wobbly
Wobbly Member Posts: 58
edited 5. Jun 2017, 13:37 in Living with Arthritis archive
Sorry to be a bit of a whinger but u guys are the ones that understand. I am bidding on a mobility scooter and am proper hacked off that this is what my life has come to. Am 48 in a few wks and I feel robbed of my golden years the time we had planned for us the kids are all grown up and we're pretty free. Don't know how long I can continue working am just struggling with everything and the realisation that I really do need this scooter has hit hard. Hubby just doesn't get it he is very good husband but he just doesn't get it. I know many of you are in a far worse state than me n I should be grateful but I just feel pants today.

And who am I to moan abt a bit of athritis when all those poor people in Manchester have had death n devastation all around them
Think I should just go n pull myself together n stop being stupid where's my chocolate??? :shock:

That is for listening

Wobbly xx

Comments

  • TheLordFlasheart
    TheLordFlasheart Member Posts: 346
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi wobbly,

    Sorry to hear your having such a hard time lately, we all understand what your going through.
    I too have latley been struggling at work, i'm only 36 and my OA in my knee is only getting worse (i'm going for my 2nd steroid infection).
    Theres nothing wrong with feeling pants, we all go through it one time or another, and don't feel bad about moaning after what happened in Manchester -I work not too far from where it happened.

    Go treat yourself with that chocolate :D

    All the best

    Alastair
    "Stoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast"
  • Rach101
    Rach101 Member Posts: 165
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Wobbly, so sorry to hear you're having such a bad time, I'm struggling ATM too and keep crying all the time. I also try to tell myself how much worse it is for other people and as you say especially in light of what's happened in Manchester but I can't seem to lift myself out of it at the moment. Work is also such a struggle, I'm reducing my hours in July so just trying to hang on in there until then but it's not easy. ((Hugs))
    Take care rach xx
  • Wobbly
    Wobbly Member Posts: 58
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thanks for your replies. I have reduced my work hours from full time to part time im not normally like this i normally just get on with it but just like u rach am struggling tearful n a bit lost really. Maybe its finally sunk in that this is it and i mite never feel any better than i do now and that we wont do the things we had planned to do even holding hubby hand while walking is difficult as i have 2 sticks unless its just a few feet and then i can take his hand but its to keep me upright not just coz i wanna hold his hand n walk. I know this is so pathetic in the light of everything that has gone on in manchester but i cant shake it and i dont know why. I have a good life lovely hubby great kids 1 grandaughter and another grandchild on the way.
    Alistair my heart really does go out to you and the people of manchester i cannot even begin to imagine how you feel.

    Thanks for listening
    Big hugs to you both xx
  • bubbadog
    bubbadog Member Posts: 5,544
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi wobbly, we all have days like that, I had one recently I was feeling ruff and in pain and just wanted to go and hide from the world and cry. I was struggling with my knee and shoulder and hadn't slept very well. So don't feel like your moaning it's part and parcel of living with Arthritis. Hope your feeling better in yourself.
  • daffy2
    daffy2 Member Posts: 1,713
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi wobbly, I'm not surprised you're feeling low at the moment. Getting a scooter is one of those facing reality situations, marking the end of one bit of your life and the beginning of another. Such changes, even when positive(such as marrying, having a family etc) don't always come easy or trouble-free, so how much harder are ones that are 'negative'? Acceptance will take a while but when it comes you will be able to find more good things than bad about the change. The life ahead may not be what you had planned, but that doesn't mean it will be all bad, just different. After all you cannot know for sure that if arthritis hadn't thrown a spanner in the works there wouldn't have been something else happen to derail future plans.
    There are always people worse off, but that doesn't change what you yourself are feeling - in fact if anything it'll make you feel worse as you'll be adding guilt to the mix. Feel sorrow and sympathy for the victims of the Manchester bombing but don't use it as stick to beat yourself up with as that doesn't help either them or you.
  • Slosh
    Slosh Member Posts: 3,194
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I completly get it, my life has changed completely over the past 3 years, like you I was looking forward to time to do things I had always wanted to do but couldn't because of my daughter, I'm in my 50s and had so many plans and it does hurt sometimes when I see a close friend who is the same age to me doing the things I would have loved to do and I've reluctantly had to give up on work.
    Last year I invested in a lightweight mobility scooter that lives in my car, it was hard, but my daughter encouraged me.
    I am SO glad I bought it. It brings new freedom in terms of places I can go and no need to prebook visits to big shopping malls in order to get a scooter. My Grandchildren (2-7), think it's cool and want to ride on my lap and best off all I can take my daughter and the children out for the day and just ride around.
    I have called my scooter Freda, because of the freedom it brings me!
    He did not say you will not be storm tossed, you will not be sore distressed, you will not be work weary. He said you will not be overcome.
    Julian of Norwich
  • Kerrsa
    Kerrsa Member Posts: 233
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I know the feeling. I was eventually diagnosed last November and today is my 6 month Rheumy appointment.

    Although it mostly affects my fingers and hands, many things are harder to do. I've had to give up playing tennis which has been hard as I used to be a tennis coach. Have gone back to swimming to keep fit.

    Some days it just catches up with me and I become quite tearful. Can't pretend to be strong all the time.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,238
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    We each have to mourn what is lost before we can finally accept and let go of it.

    There will always be people much worse off than us (Those with arthritis 100 years ago or in a Third World country are those I think of when feeling sorry for myself) but that doesn't take away our own problems. As DD is wont to say, a dip in the pool of self-pity is fine, normal and natural – opting to live there isn't. I'm sure you won't do that.

    You had plans for the future. Some must be modified: others are lost. But yet others are there waiting to be taken up. Many of the things that give me most pleasure are things I would have stoutly resisted but for the demands of arthritis. If I hadn't had to give up playing the piano I'd never have thought of doing an OU course in composition. If I hadn't had to give up walking several circuits of my son's cricket pitch every week I'd never have thought of doing Riding for the Disabled. If I hadn't had to get a wheelchair I'd never have managed so many lovely country 'walks' where I ride some and walk some.

    I do feel for you on the 'not holding hands' front. I can't use walking aids so Mr SW and I hold hands all the time – well, not when he's pushing me in the wheelchair :lol: Can you hold hands when sitting watching TV? We also, automatically, hold hands briefly in bed when one or other has been to the loo in the night (a not infrequent occurence :roll: ) and are both awake. We hold hands and have a cuddle most mornings before getting up.

    Unfortunately, our loved ones rarely 'get it' precisely because they haven't got it :wink: But they do have to live with it too and that must be hard for them. Their future plans have also to be adapted and, I guess, they must always fear becoming our carers rather than our lovers. I find a good, occasional natter (always best over a bottle of wine :D ) on how things are impacting on both of us and what steps we might take to remedy as much as possible does help.

    Mr SW is soon off to France for a 10 day walking holiday. I don't mind not being able to do it and I certainly don't want to go and sit around the holiday let all day. It's good for us to be apart for a while and good for him to get away from his 'carer' duties. But, for his peace of mind, I have to have my sister here 'wife-sitting'. Oh the indignity! Plus, it will be ten days' worth of jigsaws and scrabble. Aaaaargh :shock:
    "The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain." Kahlil Gibran
  • moderator
    moderator Moderator Posts: 4,080
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi wobbly
    it is fine to feel sad although obviously not pleasant :( but you are having to face new situations and it is hard to accept that your expectations of how life should be are now drastically different. Life with arthritis likes to throw us all a curved ball from time to time.

    As others have mentioned after grieving and feeling sad you will find a way forward and work around situations so that life can go on. We have an inspiring section on our website all about this https://www.arthritiscare.org.uk/living-with-arthritis/emotional-wellbeing-and-arthritis
    It is not always easy so be gentle with yourself, with time you will see the way forward again. We are here for you so ask as many questions as you like there are generally solutions to most things and the community here are very good at coming up with ingenious ideas
    Best Wishes and gentle hugs
    Sharon
  • Wobbly
    Wobbly Member Posts: 58
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank u guys for all your replies.
    I have put my beating stick away now.
    Not gonna say am over it but have been actively looking for the ruddy scooter so am coming to terms with it in my own way.
    Feeling alot more positive so thank u thank u thank u
    Wobbly xx