listening ear please

polly123
polly123 Member Posts: 96
edited 18. Jun 2017, 14:19 in Living with Arthritis archive
Hi Guys,
Feeling a little sorry for myself - can i tell you???
You may recall I take Meth for PsA - been on it since 2009, but had a 6 month break last year due to recurrent pneumonia.
Had a bit of a flare up and after careful consideration it was decided to add in sulphasalazine, as apparently this is more chest friendly. Well after 2 weeks I have a bad chest infection again, although not pneumonia. On second week of anti-biotics, and have stopped meth and sulpha.
After a long discussion with my ~GP and consultant, I have to accept that I've found my personal limit, in terms of living with and treating my PsA - I'm much more fortunate than many, since diagnosed at 49 and still working part-time. However it's a bit of a blow for me, as I had hoped to apply for my managers job when she retires next year, and had upped my hours to 30 and started a management course (gradually, not all at once) Am accepting that this is not going to happen now, as I cannot work full-time, so shall go back to 20 hours/week once my two 5 hour projects are finished, and have cancelled the course. Have been advised to stay off meth for as long as I can manage to allow time for my chest to fully heal, and to think carefully before adding in a second med. So, I've decided to bring in my barriers, not to push my limits all the time, and hope to continue with 20 hours a week and to go back on meth, hopefully managing a couple of months without if possible.

A further blow is that my partner lives and works in England, I'm in Scotland, and since i tire easily we're drifting further and further apart as we don't see as much of each other as we did. He is very healthy, and very active - I'm much less so these days. It's shaping up to be a tough year again - and I feel like we're more friends than anything else these days - lovely of course, but a loss.

Ugh!!!!!!!!!!! Not sure what I want you to say, just wanted to get it out somewhere that i'm feeling cheated, anxious about money/debt (which I am managing, but is a constant concern for if my health deteriorates anymore), and have lost my positivity!!

I guess I'm looking to get my peace of mind back!

Thanks for listening, Polly x

Comments

  • daffy2
    daffy2 Member Posts: 1,636
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Goodness Polly, what a lot to be having to deal with. I'm not surprised you wanted to 'get it out somewhere' (get it off your chest as that's got enough to cope with?!) You may feel you've lost your positivity, but actually that's not what came across when I read your post. You've looked at a difficult situation, got your facts together and reached a decision. It's not what you wanted but it is a way forward, rather than getting bogged down.
    Long distance relationships are never easy, even without the added difficulties posed by your condition, but if as you say your partner is healthy and active there could have been strains even if you were living closer or together that might have resulted in a drifting apart. Better perhaps to stay friends than part on bad terms? Not an easy thing to face though at a time when you are in need of support and encouragement to cope with the health and work situation.
    I do hope your chest improves, so that you can look at the options longer term for dealing with your PsA and life in general.
  • polly123
    polly123 Member Posts: 96
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Aw thanks Daffy, your post makes me feel better :P I guess I feel like life is running away without me just now - really need to find my peace of mind.

    Yes I agree, and actually mostly I prefer not to be with him when times are bad - I always feel like I need to minimise how I feel and that's exhausting. He's a lovely bloke, just not really able to talk about things like this, which I guess says loads about our relationship. Mostly I just accept that it is what it is.

    Hope things are settled with you, x
  • palo
    palo Member Posts: 240
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    polly123

    You show remarkable stoicism and fortitude, as well as some bracing good sense.

    Don't give up on him yet, just see what happens, somethings take men time to adjust and you might find he re-evaluates what he wants from life.

    There was a time when I thought we would split up, well actually at least 3 in the last 28 years, over really major issues that we had differing views on, things that significantly affected both of us. He was not as articulate and capable of understanding what I was going through but somehow we did actually get through them, and he did display empathy and understanding sufficient that we were both able to move on in some fashion. They all revolved around my health issues/challenges.

    Good luck though, rough seas are part of life I have found.
  • polly123
    polly123 Member Posts: 96
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thanks for sharing Palo, we're having a few days away up north next week so we shall see. At the minute I don't feel we can talk about anything meaningful, and I'm not feeling sufficiently resilient for chat. I'm not going to be able to do as much either, so we'll see how it goes.
    Polly x
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,623
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh Polly, what can I say? You're a wise woman and have already sussed out what you probably need to do and what is possibly going to happen as a result.

    Of course you may talk to us. That's what we're here for and what we do best. If we can't empathise who on earth can?

    This is a vicious disease which takes so much away - usually at very inconvenient times. One thing it certainly hasn't taken from you, and I suspect never will, is your self-respect and dignity. Your pragmatism shows that self-pity is not in your armoury. That's a great thing.

    Two things occur to me.

    One is, have you never been offered biologics? It might be that you have and they don't work for you and if you've already told us all this I apologise.

    Two, despite all I've written above (and I stand by every word) might it help to give our Helpline people a call? Sometimes I think just talking things over with a sympathetic 'ear' enables us to think laterally. It might just help. (But I won't expect you to say whether or not you are doing / have done etc etc.)

    Please, if this is helping in any way, don't stop.
    ((( )))

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