The hardest thing ever.....

Airwave! Member Posts: 2,458
edited 19. Jul 2017, 07:29 in Community Chit-chat archive
I find the hardest thing ever is to tell people that I have OA in most of my joints and I can't do things and the reason I can't often do things is because I don't work, haven't got any money and have to accept a lesser life, the reason just doesn't seem to get through to their way of thinking.

I often seem to be a self induced recluse, I'm often asked why I don't do this and that, I can't keep up, physically or financially with my peers. My family are ok with all this, mostly. This world is geared to those that can.

At 62, I have been out of full time work for nearly 20 years and find life a happy place but frustrating.

Or is this just another rant.........?



  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,280
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi its not a rant , just telling us how you are felling ..not easy when the money is tight, but you are in the right frame of mind can see the good things in your life.. :D
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,686
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I don't think it's a rant, Airwave, just a statement of fact(s). Disability hurts, isolates and is expensive.

    Luckily, if you can call it that, I do look disabled these days so I get more understanding but, when I was in my 30s, before any TKRs and before any very obvious deformities, it was a nightmare. People really don't understand and think you just need to be encouraged and cajoled into things.

    As for money, with just one wage, and him in the public sector, I used jumble sales a lot when the kids were young, and holidays were always self-catering (which meant no holiday for Mum until I introduced the rule that one meal per day had to be one that I neither prepared nor washed up after). Nowadays, our (all retired) contemporaries seem to be jetting off all over the place all the time. We have one month per year with our son in California but, as he gives up his bed and sleeps on the living room floor, we only have to find our fares at the cheapest time of the year. Our entertainment is watching our grandson play baseball.

    I think it's possibly harder for men. I think female friends (Friends, whom we can really talk to about all aspects of life, are vital) are more tolerant and understanding than male ones. Men often have a macho attitude to pain and disability - until it hits them. And don't readily admit they can't afford things.

    I think I find it much easier now than I used to though. Hopefully, when you get to my age, young Airwave....... :wink:
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • GraceB
    GraceB Member Posts: 1,595
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi, I can identify so much with your comments about "not looking disabled". People very often tell me I look well and can't always understand how bad my health is at times. One Occupational Therapist via my employer said to me " the trouble is you look well, no-one can see the damage to your joints or feel your pain. So sadly you'll have to keep reminding/telling people". Problem is, when you have to keep reminding others, it kind of rubs salt into the wounds!

    Mind you, I suppose you can apply that mantra to people suffering with other issues! My late partner John had M.E., (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) and would regularly have to decline invitations or only attend for part of an event. Every time we had to explain why he couldn't attend all or part of an event, it reinforced the challenges he faced.

    For those of use with health issues, all we really want is others to have some tolerance and not to question us when we say "I'm sorry but I can't attend". It's not much to ask for after all!

    Turn a negative into a positive!
  • Airwave!
    Airwave! Member Posts: 2,458
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thanks for understanding, I do appreciate it. I am a happy person and I am fortunate with my family and friends but it does get to me sometimes. I doubt if us blokes will ever talk as true equals, one or two of my long term friends do but due to distance we don't very often.

  • TheLordFlasheart
    TheLordFlasheart Member Posts: 302
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Airwave, I can too sympathise with how your feeling, and I get how been a bloke we don't often talk about our problems.

    Fortunately for me, my parents are really understadning of my situation, and are always there if I need to talk. My work colleagues also are a massive help (one of my colleague also has OA in her knee, so we often laugh about how bad things get!), and I can talk to them when things get

    I freely admit to at times struggling to cope with OA, as been only 36 and living alone it can get isolating. However, i'm slowly accepting I have OA and doing my best to get along.

    "Stoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast"
  • Airwave!
    Airwave! Member Posts: 2,458
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Flashy, yes life is different for us all, I appreciate what you're up against, I was first affected when I was young, at your age you still have a lot of hormones to work through!

    Acceptance is a curious thing and for me it changes its shape as time passes, I have written about it on the LWA forum. At present I am in my Churchillian mood, 'just keep buggering on!' except sometimes I forget my lines......
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank goodness for facebook and friends who message free and at all times, newspaper articles I can read, online books, music! music! music all for the cost of broadband.

    Elizabeth xxx
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein