Seeing it in black and white

Slosh

Yesterday I got the letter from my Rheumy consultant (I am discharged), supporting my application for early retirement. That's good as it will be key in my application. However it's not good to read, and see in black and white, that I have " degenerative spine disease" and that my most recent MRI shows " further progression of her disease".
I know things could be so much worse, and it is also hard to see in writing (although I already know it), that things won't improve and I'm no longer fit enough to teach.

It's that seeing it written makes it feel real, and, if I'm honest, scary.

dibdab

Just hugs, lots of hugs ((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))). Though we know logically it's time to walk away, it's really hard when you've enjoyed your job and had all those marvellous interactions with children.

Deb xxxxx

Slosh

Thank you for the hugs and understanding

bubbadog

Oh Slosh, I know you had a feeling it was going to be time to give up work but to be told and see it in black & white is a huge kick in the stomach. And as you say to have it on paper your diagnosis and to read it's getting worse...I can't think how I would feel. I just want to send you huge (())'s and lots of sfl sfl2

dreamdaisy

It is so completely and utterly final, isn't it? That important, vital part of your life has gone and seems to have taken so much with it. ((( )))

My circumstances were / are very different, my working life dwindled over the years but was always in my control which made a huge difference. It was a lonely life in some ways, for example not having colleagues to chat to or bounce ideas off. The end of term relief didn't exist because I worked through the holidays but that meant the luxury of working during the day which made things a great deal easier.

I have no doubt that you will continue to develop new skills and interests - I still think consultancy work could be an option, done on your terms - but that's for the future. Now it's time to take stock, get used to the lack of work demands and pressures and I hope that has a positive impact on your overall health. ((( ))) DD

Slosh

Thank you both.
I'm not sure about consultancy work DD, I would have to update my AMBDA reg which needs me to do more online training but I have a while to think about that (end of Sept) or I could look at more general work around reading. I am due to meet up with a friend who is an Assistant Head/SENCO so will talk to her about this.
At present I am focussing on my craft business and learning about selling on-line which is keeping my brain active. I also got a boost for this as the William Morris Gallery (get me!), are going to start selling my Morris themed jewellery.

I'm also making some simple gemstone jewellery for my daughter to sell to help raise money for a play she is co-writing with a friend who writes & produces plays on the theme of endometritis.

The bottom line is I can't be an effective teacher anymore and if I had stayed with the changes coming in due to budget cuts + new head I would be earmarked for redundancy anyway. At least this way I have some control.

stickywicket

((( ))) One day at a time, Slosh. You've done brilliantly so far. I see no reason why that should change now.

TheLordFlasheart

Seeing this must of come as a shock, as like you said it's become real. From what i've seen you are a fighter, who will never give in.

Best of wishes

Alastair

Slosh

Thank you all, things feel better today, I've also got the date for my next OH assessment at the end of the month so will be asking for pocket duties (again) then.