New relationship

GraceB Member Posts: 1,595
edited 21. Feb 2018, 14:01 in Community Chit-chat archive
Some of you will recall how in February 2016 I lost my partner John thanks to a pulmonary embolism? John and I had been together for 25+ years. Since then, I've been focussing on getting through life one day at a time and slowly - ever so slowly - getting to grips with John's loss.

Last August - with the encouragement and help of a couple of friends of mine - I felt that the time was right to see if I could meet someone else. So, I joined an Online dating forum! I took loads of safety precautions re my profile name, my profile and setting up a non-identifying email etc. And I got to work. I'd taken out 6 months' membership of this site and last October I connected with K. We initially were talking via the site's messaging service (as that's monitored) and then I switched to my non-identifying email.

After a while, we decided to meet up for a coffee in a local garden centre. Again, I had security measures in place - one of my friends knew where I was, with whom and I texted her to let her know I was safe.

K and I have been getting to know one another. He knows how I lost John and eerily enough K had known John through his work.

Things are progressing slowly but surely. K knows I need to take this slowly and respects that. He's aware that John's 2nd anniversary is coming up next month.

K has joint issues himself (spinal fusion), although is more mobile than me most days, so is understanding regarding my joints and mobility challenges.

I've told my family and friends in the last week. It came as a surprise to most of them (especially the online bit!) but the reaction has been positive from everyone, which is lovely. So it's now time that you, my Arthritis Care Forum family, know as well.

Introductions to family on both sides are about to begin which is rather daunting for us both. Poor K is aware he's likely to be interrogated by my family and friends, but he understands why they'll want to have a chat with him. We've joked we both need to get our interview garb out!

There'll never be another John and I'll never, ever forget him, but I felt the time was right for me to try and move on with my life. And I know it's what John would have wanted for me.

I still have my bad days - probably will for a while yet - but the future is looking brighter for me, I'm pleased to say.



  • Numptydumpty
    Numptydumpty Member Posts: 6,417
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Congratulations Grace!
    I hope things work out for you, it's about time you had a little happiness in your life.
    I can imagine it's all a bit daunting, but exciting too. You're very brave, I don't think I could do the online dating thing, I'm pleased it's all worked out well for you.
    I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world.
    Numpty x
  • dachshund
    dachshund Member Posts: 8,414
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Congratulations Grace
    all the best to both of you
    enjoy it
    joan xx
  • GraceB
    GraceB Member Posts: 1,595
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you both for taking the time to reply and for your good wishes.

    I thought long and hard before doing the online dating. I took the view that 95% of me felt "ready" and if I met someone that would reinforce that 95% of me. My family have only ever known me as part of "Grace & John" - and now they'll have to get used to me being with someone else.

    Neither of us are in a rush - we both want to take things slowly. I've always firmly believed that before you can be anything else in a relationship, first you need to be good friends.

    Thanks again.

  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,276
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Grace... to say I am happy for you is an understatement..has you well know life is to short not to move on and John would be so pleased for you, he certainly wouldn't want you to be on your own..yes its good to take things slowly for a while and really get to know each have made my day... :D xx.. t4591
  • Slosh
    Slosh Member Posts: 3,194
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    What a lovely post! I am so happy for you.
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 28,072
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Aww Grace!

    What fabulous news :)

    fair made me well-up though :oops:

    I am thrilled to bits for you and very glad to hear how sensible you were with the whole process.

    Without a doubt there will never ever be another John, but there is absolutely a future out there for you and I am certain he would be happy for you.

    t4591 t4591 t4591

    With much love and a big SMILE :D

    Toni xx
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,100
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    You've had quite enough grief for far too long. I hope this new relationship will represent a turning of the corner for you :D
  • GraceB
    GraceB Member Posts: 1,595
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you for your good wishes.

  • lindalegs
    lindalegs Member Posts: 5,371
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Grace,

    I just popped into the forum for a quick look round and your post caught my eye!

    This is such a heart warming story and I do hope you and K have many happy times together.

    I think this post will inspire people who are not in relationships that arthur is not the end of the world and there are many singletons out there waiting to meet up.

    Sending love and best wishes. t4591 t69044
  • GraceB
    GraceB Member Posts: 1,595
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thanks Linda. I appreciate your good wishes. I think it helps that K has health issues himself because of his spinal fusion so understands when I'm on a bad day; likewise I understand when he has bad days.


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