Back in January I was referred to an exercise class at my local hospital run by physios. I attended the first session and was welcomed by the rehab assisstant who I worked with for eight weeks about 3 years ago. I was one of the youngest in the class, and the only one on crutches. The exercises included standing up from sitting, stepping up and down, lifting "weights" etc and it was a circut with 3 minutes on each activity plus a warm up/cool down. The physio assistant I knew went round with me, and every exercise, even the warm up and cool down had to be adapted for me! The following week the class was later, I spent the morning feeling very anxious about it, and when I had problems parking went home. As I was busy the next two weeks I contacted physio and said I would not be able to continue.
I have been re-referred and due to go tomorrow, and I have been getting more and more anxious to the extent of feeling tearful. I found it so hard to deal with emotionally and that was the hardest part, not the tiredness or the payback but having things that I can't do because of my stupid body pushed in my face. Generally I'm in a good place emotionally at present, making the most of retirement and not getting bored! I feel like such a coward about this class. I just don't want to go tomorrow and feel so useless again. I hated having to have things made easier for me. I hated that everyone else could do more. I hated the way my stupid body was letting me down.
I hate feeling useless and I hate being made to feel like this.
He did not say you will not be storm tossed, you will not be sore distressed, you will not be work weary. He said you will not be overcome.
Julian of Norwich