RA pregnancy & beyond

gemz10

Hi all not been here for a very long time mainly as I can never log in lol I'm useless at passwords. Anyway I'm just after some advice. My husband & I are considering a baby, however with my RA (currently controlled) the potential issues withdrawing from Mxt & his ill health - depression & anxiety are we nuts for even considering it! We tried before but my flares were bad so after 6months had to get back on meds. The potential effects from the demands on both physical & mental health, mixing crying (mainly the baby lol) & anxiety, sleeplessness & joint flares not to mention our ages late 30's & late 40's Vs the love & joy from a child. There seems so much against us & everyone always says you will cope, but what if we don't what if we can't. We do have friends & family around but that doesn't change the fact that sometimes hubby just has to go to bed or I have to have a rest day. So wish we could have just left this to chance a long time ago but these damm meds make you have to plan & then totally overthinkink & confuse everything!
Sorry for going on just wondering what other people's experiences are
Thanks in advance for any advice
Xx

stickywicket

First of all I think it's great that you're thinking in advance. Please excuse me for being brief. My tablet's battery is dying.

I'm wondering who told you you'd cope. Do they have arthritis? Or depression/anxiety ie do they kmow what they're talking about or are they just trying to be kind?

I promise you it's the hardest thing you'll ever do. And the most rewarding.

But babies and small children really don't care if you need a day in bed. They only care about their own needs and scream day and night to have them fulfilled.

My own two sons are the best things I ever did but , knowing what I now know, I doubt I'd be brave enough to do it again.

I do wish you all the best with whatever decision you make.

dreamdaisy

Arthritis and children lack one useful feature: an off switch. Both are noisy, demanding and insistent, one can be controlled with drugs but you shouldn't really try to do that with the other. I too wonder who said you would be able to cope - there are many times when the healthy can't.

I decided aged sixteen not to have children, a decision I do not regret; my genes are a poisoned chalice. I am the lucky beneficiary of auto-immune bullets that missed my parents but scored direct hits with me. I was born in 1959 when genetic ignorance was bliss. My parents got their wish and I've paid the price. DD

gemz10

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply. It's such a difficult decision at least it is now with RA etc! Growing up I always thought I would have children, then wasn't 100 sure I/we could/wanted to & before u know it exams career wedding then instead of a baby I got RA! Already hurting with jaw & shoulder pain tonight before ditching the meds.
Hubuy also has chronic back pain & hasn't been doing great lately we can go out for 3-4 hrs max on a good day and on a very bad day he literally can't get out of bed without help.
My head is definitely saying no but my heart can't decide....
To tired now to write a better post but will be back soon xx

stickywicket

Hello again.

ARUK has a big section on Pregnancy and Arthritis which, if yoi follow the links at the bottom of each page, deals with loads of stuff including after the birth. You might find it helpful so here it is. https://www.arthritisresearchuk.org/arthritis-information/daily-life/pregnancy-and-arthritis/planning-for-a-baby.aspx