Angry.

dreamdaisy

That's one word for how I am feeling, it's not a DD thing is it?

Today is my cousin Aileen's cremation. She died as she lived, efficiently, with no fuss or bother. Her attitude always was to roll up your sleeves and get on with it and she did.

The heat has been taking its toll with the PsA being very active but I was determined to go to the service and see the family. Today I have decided that it is not an option as I am too ill. That's not a DD thing either. Our bedroom did not drop below 25 last night despite the windows being open and the fan quietly whirring away. Enough - the heat is affecting everyone so boo-hoo Daisy: the journey is at least two hours each way and has the unlimited potential to be longer as the major roads involved are the A12 and M25 (both are mentioned in Dante's Inferno )

I will ring her daughter with my apologies, and my aunt (who is also Aileen's aunt) too. She is 91 and distraught, the rest of the family are very shocked because it was so quick and I know I should be there but the disease forbids and I lack the resources to overcome its demands.

I have put candles and will go to the Garden of Remembrance at my local crematorium at 2pm, the time of the service. That is a mere five minute drive so possible. Maybe I'm not as beaten down as I thought. Yeah, right. DD

stickywicket

Anger is so not a DD thing I'm struggling with the concept though I do, totally, understand what has given rise to it - the disease, the exacerbating heat, the frustration, the ridiculous guilt at being unable to do what one feels one should do.

You have an excellent Plan B. Arthritis does lead us to perfect Plan Bs, does it not? We should be the Plan B Group. Whereas most people occasionally have to resort to a Plan B, we occasionally manage an ecstatic Plan A.

I shall be thinking of you at 2pm.

daffy2

The 'should' and 'ought' are irrelevant DD. You would if you could but you can't and I can well understand your anger at the situation. Your private act at the Garden of Remembrance will serve the one who died, and when the weather and health allow you can remember with the living.

Mctricky88

Sorry to hear of your Aunt passing away DD, it's a frustrating time when you can't do what you feel you'd like to do.
It's a bit late in the day to check but more and more churches and crematoriums are installing webcams to transmit services to folk who cannot attend for whatever reason.
My partners cousin sadly passed away in December last year and another cousin who lives in Canada was able to watch and listen to the whole service as we requested that the webcam be switched on.

Obviously not the same as being there but it helped in our case.
Your idea to pay your respects locally is a fine one and one your Aunt would appreciate I'm sure.

We're currently in Turkey where it's 15.45 (2 hours ahead of UK) so I'll think about you in a short while. Hope you're feeling alot better later and you can get a breeze through the house tonight.

Mctricky

dreamdaisy

Thank you for your replies, they are much appreciated. We went to the Garden, sat and chatted about Aileen and watched goldfish struggling in the very warm and murky water of the pond. She was one of life's vigorous people, the sort who can make you feel tired just talking to them but the change in her voice in our last telephone call was marked. She rang to tell me she was terminal in her usual matter-of-fact way (a character trait inherited by her daughter who rang me to tell me she had died: no fuss, no drama) but the usual vigour and energy was gone. That quietly spoke volumes in itself. We unfussily established she did not want flowers or visitors, she was at home, died in her dining room looking out over her garden, with her husband and three children keeping her company. Amongst her last words was the phrase 'This is perfect.'.

Our bedroom hit the giddy heights of 32 yesterday (briefly 33 around 4pm, which I am sure is the hottest point of any day) then, in the evening, came the blessed relief of a terrific thunderstorm. The lightning was so bright it briefly stopped my solar lights (they thought it was daylight!) but today is at least ten degrees cooler which is helping matters. I plan on still taking things easy, my jaw has eased but the rest of me is not happy and somewhat itchy too but, in the grand scheme of things, there's nowt much wrong with that, is there? DD

stickywicket

Aileen sounds to have been a pretty impressive woman and deserved the 'kind' death which she seems to have had. I think you, too, coped very well with the whole situation. Funerals are hard for anyone, harder for those of us with creaky joints and, even harder, missing them because of the latter. We feel we are letting people down though we have no option. I hope you feel satisfied that you did your best for Aileen and her family. I think you could have done no more.

dreamdaisy

Thank you, Sticky. She was a tremendous woman (her daughter's eulogy makes that clear) and I know she would have understood why I wasn't there.

It's cooler here so my sinuses are jammed thanks to pollen. The fun never ends! One toilet roll demolished since 4.30am but luckily I have another eighteen to hand. Should be enough. Sometimes it's hard work experiencing the gift of life and the joys it has to offer. DD

ted48

My deepest condolences on the passing of your cousin Aileen's passing it must have been very hard not being able to attend the funeral she seemed a very mater of fact person would understand.
Best wishes
Ted48

trepolpen

My deepest condolences as well , in April this year I had the same thing , My Mother-in-Law died on her birthday aged 82 , she been suffering for three years after a major stroke that took everything away from her , my Wife & Son looked after her for that time with carers help

On the day of I knew I could not make it & would have been a liability , do feel sorry for you but if done for the right reason your family will understand ,

take care & get better

dreamdaisy

Thank you Ted and Trepolpen, you are very kind to take the time to reply. I'd like to say that I am feeling better - I was so met up with an arthritic friend for lunch: she's gone home to bed, I have to stay up for the chimney sweep! I've set myself back but it was worth it. DD