Hello new member

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Linsiom
Linsiom Member Posts: 2
edited 28. Nov 2023, 14:04 in Living with arthritis
Hi I’m Linsey I’m new to the online community I’m 37, live on the Isle of Man but am originally from just outside Edinburgh. I started having issues with my joints just the right knee at first when I was 19 and was diagnosed with RA. I have a 12 year old daughter. I was rediagnosed in 2011 with AS and now have symptoms in all my joints, psoriasis and I am blind in my right eye after uveitis. I had to give up my full time work in an insurance brokers last August as I just couldn’t keep going every day it was exhausting and trying to keep up with the house work. I felt guilt for my daughter as I couldn’t wait to get into bed. The relationship with my husband is breaking down I find it difficult to talk to him about anything he has his view and that’s that. My family don’t live close so it’s hard at the moment my husband feels they have left him to get on with me as his problem but everyone has their own lives I try to see them as much as I can and when we can afford the travel but he doesn’t understand that people can’t just drop things at the drop of a hat and afford last minute flights just because he decides someone should be here with me on a bad day. If anyone would like to chat or share their experiences I’d be happy to chat

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  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 3,635
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Lindsay Welcome to the forum.
    Sorry you are going through a lot at the moment we understand what you are going through as everyone here has a form of arthritis, we are also very friendly and sympathetic. The forums are just what you need to chat and be replied to it won't take long the most popular forums are Living with Arthritis and Chit Chat
    All the best Christine
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,719
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Linsey and welcome from me too.

    I was diagnosed at 15 (Stills Disease at first but then RA). I'm much older than you but I, too, had to juggle family (I have two sons) and health issues and it's by no means easy. I managed to avoid uveitis but because I was diagnosed before modern DMARDS became available, I also developed OA and have had two hip replacements and three knee replacements.

    So, do you have AS and Psoriatic Arthritis? What medication are you on? It doesn't sound to be working too well if you have days when you need someone with you. I get by well, these days, on methotrexate and hydroxychloroquine. In fact, I had a blood test this morning.

    I never managed to work since my elder son was born but that can be very isolating so I've always kept my hand in with bits and bobs of voluntary work and I've met some lovely people that way.

    I've also been very lucky because I don't think my husband regards me as a problem, except in the way that all wives and husbands are problematic at times :roll: , though he did used to annoy me when he went off for walking holidays and insisted my sister stayed with me for the couple of weeks. I felt very 'nannied' but, as I think it's good for married couples to get away from each other from time to time, and as he needed the reassurance, I put up with it and we did have fun albeit not in ways I'd want to replicate once she'd gone home. There are only so many jigsaws and so much Scrabble I can take :lol:

    It sounds very sad if your marriage is breaking down. Communication is difficult when one partner has arthritis. We don't want to be forever moaning and yet they can soon feel shut out if we don't tell them – without moaning – how things are. They can also feel impotent because their instinct is to help us and, often, they can't.

    Do you still do things together which are enjoyable for both? I sometimes find a good old heart to heart over a bottle of wine can help. Sometimes our husbands / partners feel they can't bring their own problems to us as we have so many of our own to deal with but I don't buy that. I need to feel useful to him and he needs to feel I'm there for him.

    Do you think it would be useful to give our lovely Helpline people a ring? You could talk things over in much more detail than you can here though, of course, we're always here too.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright