Misunderstanding of Families

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Marcia
Marcia Member Posts: 84
edited 6. Jul 2019, 10:41 in Living with arthritis
Hello my arthritis family.
I have been going through a difficult time with a lot of stress and been very tearful. I don't really hear from my family much, anyway one of my siblings sent a message to me asking me if I was ok. I did not respond straight away; and then the next day late in the evening she sends a message to the rest of our siblings that all those in her contact that has little or no contact with her she will be deleting their number.
I responded and then last night I sent a message to my siblings that I have been going through a very stressful time, my arthritis and menopause makes me very tired, I have other challenges to deal with and that if I am not responding it's not intentional. Only 2 out of 4 responded to my message. My brother first and then my eldest Sister. The one who sent the message did not reply I guess she deleted my number and the youngest one did not reply.
The only place I get support, advice and empathy is on this forum. I had no support from my siblings when I had my operation. Only heard that they have been travelling a lot and very busy.
I just want to thank you guys for all your feed back and support.
So far this is the second evening with limited noise from the neighbour about as he council had written a strong letter to them so that is a bonus so far and my goal is to go twice a week to the gym to strengthen my knee and ankle and also help to sleep better.
Thanks everyone.

Comments

  • stellabean
    stellabean Member Posts: 307
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Marcia, I am sorry your family are as they are, my mum always said you can't choose your family but you can choose your friends.I have 3 elder brothers one hasn't spoken to me since 1992 when we moved here as he said I was not to ring him again he would ring me if I was going to be of any use to him I said don't bother.He hasn't apart from a cursory nod at each of our parents funerals his loss not mine he has very little contact with his twin.
    We know where you are coming from as we too have arthritis those who don't often don't think bout what we go through and they are tied up in themselves.
    There is nothing more draining than noisy neighbours I am glad your is being quiet for now.Ours is behaving himself at the moment too though I know he can go off the deep end at any time.
    I hope you enjoy the gym and remember to take it slowly at first don't be temped to do too much at first. It will hurt to begin with but just think of the strength your muscles gain.
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,710
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    That's tough but, as stellabean says. we can't choose our families. Oddly enough, I think large families sometimes do seem to form cliques and / or exclude one member.

    I'd suggest you just send the occasional, brief, light email. They're less intrusive and less immediately demanding than phone calls.

    Your family maybe all have their own problems. That's no excuse for bad manners but it might be a reason.

    As you so rightly say, you have us, your arthritis family, and though we may not be around to help on a physical level, we are always here to listen and share.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • Airwave!
    Airwave! Member Posts: 2,458
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    My sibling is quiet to the point of giving me a good ignoring for many years, didn't even want to see our parents when they were at the end of their days, that was hard to forgive.

    So there you are, your family is awkward too.
  • Marcia
    Marcia Member Posts: 84
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi all
    Thank you for your support.
    My sibling has deleted my number off her phone, it's so sad and heart breaking. Yethe she was not there for me when I needed her. Always travelling and closer to the youngest sibling and now siding with the eldest Sister. The greatest thing going is that I am back to work on Monday day and shall be sorting get out two days a week for exercise maybe one day hydro pool and another day the gym for cycling.
    Oh I must add that I have been making smoothies and brought myself a bamboo steamer to be eating more healthier such as fish and steam vegetables, less time spent in the kitchen and an egg poacher.
    I'm seeing the benefits. Just need to exercise more .
    :D
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,710
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Marcia, I steam all veg if we're having a basic meat / fish and two (or three or four :wink: ) veg meal. Obviously not with an oven bake. I find they taste better and I never feel the need for salt with steamed veg. And the steamer cleans easily. And I can sometimes put all the veg in one compartment anyway so, again, less work. I hope yu'll enjoy your meals.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I think that people can be divided into two kinds, drains and radiators. Drains sap the emotional resources of those around them by only thinking of themselves, radiators are warm, outgoing and think of others. If radiators expect drains to support them in time of need they're out of luck.

    Reading on here of others' family misfortunes I am thankful to be an orphaned only child. It simplifies matters no end. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • palo
    palo Member Posts: 240
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Marcia, so sorry your family is disfunctional, it is surprisingly common. Mine own find new ways to torment and hurt me and I am now 55, you'd think they'd run out by now..

    Totally agree with dreamdaisy, about 2 sorts of people.

    You are doing great, keep fighting.
  • Marcia
    Marcia Member Posts: 84
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi everyone
    Thanks for your encouraging and uplifting comments, I'm a radiator.
    Just an update. My you youngest Sister contacted me this week to see how I am. I replied with a positive response, I felt good in myself after that.
    I am keeping more in touch with my son than my siblings. Sad to say but they weren't there for me when I needed them.
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,710
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Marcia, that's brilliant. Well done!

    And I think it's a great plan to concentrate on your son. I hope it will deepen your relationship.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright