The QI Elves Nasty Cousins.

dreamdaisy

I'm sure you've heard of the QI Elves, the brainy bunch who research the odd facts that make up the Quite Interesting programme. Much as I would like to know them I am closer to their nasty cousins, the Arthritis Goblins. They visited last night and stuffed my soles with barbed wire, their idea of a jolly jape.

We went out for lunch yesterday and had a terrific Chinese-Malay meal. I didn't move too much (too preoccupied with my food) and the seating was somewhat cramped so by the end my hips, knees and ankles were neatly set into right angles which made standing up an interesting experience for me and interesting watching for others. I pointed out to my audience that for a sixty year-old I wasn't doing too badly, a favourite line to pass it all off as a joke. By the time we reached the car I was finally upright - a triumph for womankind - and then further jollities were enjoyed/endured in a friend's shop in Framlingham (and no, I didn't see Mr Sheeran, one never does).

Come the evening the toe cramps set in so I had the feeling that goblins were at the gate. I have to admire their technique, they don't wake me whilst they unroll the barbed wire, don't make a sound as they lay the double lining inside my skin and I am willing to bet they high-six in silence too, a feat of terrific self-discipline. Gotta love them goblins.

It's humira delivery day today plus two much more interesting parcels including a massive treat: a linen duvet cover. Maybe this will help the night sweats, probably won't though as they are internally generated but at least I will be stylish as I drip. I'm getting through now on just one hand towel a night so that's an improvement! Right, goblins willing it's time for tea. Actually, s*d the goblins: they dare to think they can hold me back from a cuppa? Dream on evil spirits. I may not be walking on sunshine but I will walk: altogether now . . . 'I'm walking on barbed wire, woo-hoo!, I'm walkng on barbed wire . . . . . and it don't feel good.' DD

stickywicket

Of course you brought this on yourself, ushering in the goblins with a day of enjoyment. When will you learn, DD

Keep swilling those cuppas, preferably prepared by the barbed wireless one. (Ooh, now that conjures up an interesting alternative for Mr DD )

I have no goblin antidote, I'm afraid. Just keep enjoying yiourself. It annoys them.

Juttle

I have to say a lot of that does sound familiar. I was at a family bash on Saturday late lunchtime, local pub, decent food, low ceilings and beams, I’m sure you can see it right now! Anyway, we’re all gathering around the scrubbed wooden table and the chairs are of the standard type ie, too close to the ground. One of the party did the usual thing and asked the staff for a higher chair, I probably don’t need to tell you what appeared as I’m sure you’re all way ahead of me, and the inevitable highchair appeared accompanied with raucous laughter and barely hidden smirks and snorts from the staff!

I work on the theory that if people are laughing at me they’re leaving someone else alone and I’m sufficiently thick skinned to handle it!

After a bit of shuffling around, I ended up on a recycled pew which was a little higher and screwed to the wall, another advantage. Perched on my pew for a couple of hours was enough time for the joints to set and when it was time to leave I couldn’t move! The table was moved and I eventually got my rear off the woodwork but that was it. I’m now moving slowly towards the door with my crutches in both hands but with the grips at head height. Picture the “king of the swingers” (no, Disney, not the other sort) trying crutches for the first time!

The entire pub is now laughing, or trying not to, my party are ripping the mick and I’m making very non PC comments about bl00dy crips cluttering up the place and everybody’s having a fine time as they’re convinced it’s all an act, but it’s not. I’ve always found it easier to give the impression that I’m part of the entertainment, but that’s just me!

Back home I eventually unwound myself but the pain was severe. I can usually live with it but not this time. The pain dealt with by far too much oramorph, I watched a few hours of wobbly TV and awarded myself an early night with Radio 4 and my headphones!

stickywicket

Thank you, Bob. You are a tonic and a perfect follow-up to my exercises.

We must never get together in a restaurant as we could easily cause choking and heart attacks.

Why are restaurant chairs so low? I always scan the floor before selecting a seat as a slightly uneven floor can make an appreciable difference one way or another. A friend invariably takes a cushion along. Another takes her own cutlery. Dignity? Wassat?

dreamdaisy

Thank you, Sticky and Bob, for taking the time to comment. I am pleased to say that after gentle stretching exercises for my Achilles tendon and other bits the barbed wire has softened to be more like brie with pebbles in it, i.e. stuff is easier and the ouchy bits more spread out.

I have always found humour is a good coping strategy, having been raised on The Goons, The Navy Lark and Round the Horn it's a natural response for yours truly. You have to laugh when you get stuck and are making a fool of yourself as a result, at least I can still achieve mobility (and even have mobility thrust upon me ) and I hope it reassures The Spouse that his old bird is making a good fist of things. I am by general temperament cheerful - it takes a lot to knock me off my happy perch - but I do fall from time to time and this morning was one of those times. I'm back on it now, though, the duvet cover is amazing, there was some good rugby on the telly and I've had a giggle or three with a friend.

How do you eat crumbly cheese? Caerphilly. DD

BettyMac

DD - something rang a bell when you mentioned Chinese/Malay food.
Have you noticed problems with monosodium glutamate before? I know it's an issue for some people.

Hope you're feeling better and moving more easily now

dreamdaisy

Hello, I apologise for the late reply. things are grim with me. I have a nasty cough and joint-wise well, 'nuff said.

I am not sure if it's to do with monosodium glutamate, Tuesday was more to do with sitting in a 16th century, cramped pub with hips, knees and ankles at right-angles for around ninety minutes. I have very similar food whenever I go there and things are usually OK but now it is autumn, I am not coping too well at the moment and the OA is progressing nicely: I think all of that made a difference. I love Chinese-Malay cuisine, the lady who cooks in the pub does everything fresh so one waits a while but oh boy. It's the kind of food you eat with your eyes closed to get the most of it. Mind you, it's a valid thought so I will keep a note over the next few visits, I know that pickles make things worse as the acid is so - ummmmm - acidic :oops: whereas my fishcake was not, neither was the nasi goreng. Or the pandang thingy which was reminiscent of a creme brulee. Oh happy thoughts! DD