Arthritis and talking

David1984 Member Posts: 2
edited 28. Nov 2023, 14:05 in Living with arthritis

I've had arthritis for a while now, and it just seems like no one gets it I'm 35 married and have two young girls aged 5 and 7. The youngest had a disability which has taken all my attention she has on average just over 1 medical appointment a week which is tough in itself. However I have been putting my arthritis to the back of my mind and it's only now I'm just realising what it has taken from me from things like washing up now takes twice as long to things like building furniture hurts my hands and getting up in the morning is really hard. But the things that most break me is things like not being able to run round a soft play centre with my girls or taking them down a waterslide teaching them how to ride a bike all because arthritis prevents this.

I guess I'm finally ready to talk about this but I'm not quite ready to have the conversation with my family, is there any support groups around the Portsmouth area it would be nice to talk to people who understand.

Regards Dave


  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 3,635
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Dave

    Welcome to the Versus Arthritis online community on behalf of the Moderating Team. I am very sorry to hear you are a Dad, with young children, who also has arthritis to contend with.

    It sounds as though, with your youngest having a disability, you haven’t said much about your own difficulties to those around you. This is so understandable given her needs – all parents want to put their children first.

    I am glad you are starting to feel ready to talk about your own needs. If you take a look at this link:

    You might want to ring our helpline if you get 5 minutes with two little ones.

    This is how you locate services near to yourself:

    Should it be there are none near enough for you to get to easily please do use the ‘contact us’ button and let them know. Having said that I am reliably informed that each time someone looks for a service in an area it is registered as a potential need.

    Please do keep talking to the members on here too come over to one of the other forums and join right in. It is incredible how much the support of peers can really really make a difference.

    Best wishes

  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,489
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi David

    Welcome to the forums from me too. I am also sorry to hear about your Arthritis and can see why you've largely had to ignore it. Someone once said look after number one (you!!) or you can't look after numbers two, three...etc

    Sounds like it's time you opened up I have to agree with you. I personally have been to my local group (then it was Arthritis Care) along with two ladies from this very forum. The group wasn't for us, but we are still very much in touch with each other.

    Having said that I have had phenomenal support from people on here who I have never even met in 'real life' some I have spoken to on the phone etc. What we have in common with one another is pretty unique and the relief that we are not alone is enough to drive you to tears.

    Oh I also went on one of the courses they run (I rang the helpline for this - might be different now) it was called something like 'How to managed your long-term condition' it was so helpful I learnt a lot of tips which I still use today.

    Please do come on in and join us now you have introduced yourself. Living With arthritis and chit chat is where you'll find most people.

  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello, I began my first arthritis when I was 37 (it turned out to be psoriatic) then osteoarthritis was diagnosed when I was 52. I am now 60.

    I have to admit it's not a hot topic for discussion in my household but times do occur when it has to be talked about: we are currently going through one of those times as the psoriatic is flaring with some gusto and has been since the beginning of January. There's nothng to be done but ride it out so that is what I am doing and I am fortunate I can.

    Arthritis affects us and the people around us. It affects our relationships, our ability to work, to parent, to be a son or daughter, everything. It has certainly changed the way I live my life but I am more than the disease and always have been. I have met arthritics whose only topic of conversation is how miserable they are and others who rarely mention it: they are much more fun to be with.

    Over the years my husband and I have worked out a code, when I say things are grim he knows to up his game and he does so without fuss or fanfare. Part of organising life to work better for me is I am deliberately childless so I cannot help on the parenting front but it is essential that your partner is informed about the disease and how it affects you. Two useful web articles are There's a Gorilla in my House and The Spoon Theory, both are good introductions to the vagaries of living with a long-term chronic condition.

    Gotta go to sleep now. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben