Lactulose and Wind.

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(Lactulose is an OTC product consumed to ease 'blocked drains' and that is wind as in blow, not wind as in clock.)

Due to the vagaries of the public stockpiling things they never usually buy (but they want 'just in case') my hunter - gatherer has been unable to source (in modern parlance) either the figs or prunes upon which his good lady wife relies to ease the passage of her passage. Once we realised this was an issue I ordered two large bottles of Lactulose to keep things moving. Now I recall why it and me do not get on.

I am jet propelled. There is no other way to put it. I find myself traversing our hall in half the time it usually takes. I bent over to unload the dishwasher and found myself entangled in the clothes horse. The bedcovers flutter in my breezes. I am merrily emitting the kinds of noises that small boys adore (and yes, I admit, reduce me to tears of laughter). Mr DD is sporting the nose clip usually worn by those underwater dancers. Thank heavens for the warmer weather because we can open the windows. DD

Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben

Comments

  • BettyMac
    BettyMac Member Posts: 211
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    Thanks for that wonderful picture, DD 😂

    It made me giggle - and we need all the humour we can get.

    I do hope your innards adjust to the new regime.

  • Mike1
    Mike1 Member Posts: 1,992
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    Britain's Got Talent is coming up soon, perhaps you could put together a bit of an act!! 😁

  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,490
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    Oh dear me!😂

    Poor poor Mr DD!!

    I am assuming from your description that you can't pretend it's not you?  

    One of my kids always did this very red faced though...


    Still better than having blocked drains as Mellman always said!!

  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
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    Thank you, everyone, for your comments and I am pleased I was able to raise a smile. Mr DD found some prunes - hurrah! - but as I need a fair few on daily basis they didn't last long. I'm back on the Lactulose . . .

    Mike, that's already been done by a Frenchman called (I think) Le Petomaine. Fire was involved . . . . Our predecessors were just as bawdy !

    Frog, it might be time to get a dog, we both need another living being to blame. 😁 DD

    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • Mike1
    Mike1 Member Posts: 1,992
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    Hi DD, yes I know about Le Petomaine, I was thinking more of inflating balloons and maybe making some animals out of them! 😁

  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,719
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    I wouldn't like to be around when the balloons popped.

    Am I right in thinking Le Petomain played tunes? May I suggest the 1812? You could be the cannons.

    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • Mike1
    Mike1 Member Posts: 1,992
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    Tunes and fire apparently!

  • phoenixoxo
    phoenixoxo Member Posts: 625
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    Sorry about the shortages, DD.

    I had a spot of bother myself when the just-in-case brigade started buying a lot more fresh fruit and veg than usual. My back-up plan is Fybogel, but downing the stuff often leads to explosive times. Once I tried clenching to lessen the volume and I ended up making a violin sound. It was really rather charming, as these things go 😊🎻

    I hope you're able to get your daily fix of figs and prunes asap, and that you're comfortable, if rather raucous, in the meantime 👍️

    Best wishes,

    Phee

    PsA (psoriatic arthritis) and other things since 1990. Happy to help when I can :-)
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
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    Phee, my middle name is Raucous - once, when at Latitude and in the middle of around fifteen thousand people, friends located us by following the sound of my laugh.

    Mike, I think balloon-inflating and twisting is asking a great deal of both my inflationary capacities and my arthritic fingers. Regarding the 'arson' 😎 aspect however, I ensure that I am nowhere near lit candles. Just in case.

    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • Airwave!
    Airwave! Member Posts: 2,466
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    We could always Put you at the back of the jet? 😁


    On a more serious note, my wife make her own Easy Yo yoghurt which has a good regular affect and assists things along and is a good deal less explosive! I find that a good binge on the yoghurt and then stopping for as much as a year before a need to restart. It’s only a matter of helping the culture in your gut after all!


    its a grin, honest!