Falling to bits


After my diagnosis in March, I have still heard nothing about any sort of treatment - I've been referred for steroid injection and hip replacement. After a chain of phone calls to different numbers, I finally got through to the right department to be told they're still not doing any appointments. I'm just one of thousands of sufferers around the world aspiring to actually be a patient while cursing the pandemic.

Meanwhile I'm watching the rest of my body suffering the consequences of a dodgy left hip. Now that my right leg is doing most of the work, it's decided to join in the pain party with gripes and frightening rifle-shot sound effects, I suspect just to remind me that I have OA in that joint too and it's feeling left out. My right shoulder, which gets all the grief when I'm out using my stick, is beating me up in the night, and my lower back is on strike due to the weird positions I have to get into to reach my left foot, or anything else on the floor.

Not only is going for a walk of any description out of the question due to the pain, both during and after, but I can now only walk at half speed and even then I'm exhausted by the time I've got to the village post office. I managed better when I had mild ME. Going away when lockdown is over will be a waste of time, as I can't even go sightseeing round visitor attractions, never mind our usual trekking and fell walking activities. From hero to zero in four months.

The future feels rather bleak at the moment. I know I'm lucky that I can still work (it mainly involves standing still and staring at buildings trying to work out why it's leaking, or sitting at a desk writing about it), we live somewhere lovely, and I have lovely supportive husband, family, friends and cats, but it looks like it's going to be a long downhill slide till anything constructive happens. I hate this. 😦


  • KazandNoo
    KazandNoo Member Posts: 129

    It's not like you to be down Lilymary,although I completely understand why you are today.

    I know when I broke my foot in 2 places about 3 years ago I had a lot of pain lots of pysio etc ,it took what felt like ages before we could go for a walk again (getting upstairs to bed was an achievement for a while) but it did heal and we did go,so hold on,you will get there.

    I wish I could help in some way,apart from empathy (not sure if that's the correct word, but kindly meant) for what you are going through and the hope that some day soon you hear of an appointment to help fix you and get you back on track again!

    Fingers crossed and be kind to yourself.😘

  • Mike1
    Mike1 Member Posts: 1,992

    It is sooooooooooo much easier to fall further when one is feeling down rather than grabbing hold of one little positive thing to help pull you up. Look on the bright side, as you have said you have a job, live somewhere lovely, you have a lovely supportive husband, family, friends and cats. (Obviously with the emphasis on cats!) Some of us only have a cat.


    According to Buddha, you must forget your worries and move forward. Each morning is branded as a new chance for you to feel better and become stronger. Therefore, each day presents you an opportunity to gather your mental strength and maintain emotional stability.

    I am a devout Atheist but the above quote makes sense. Cheer up petal.

  • Lilymary
    Lilymary Member Posts: 1,742
    edited 4. Aug 2020, 18:27

    Thank you KazandNoo, it's hard to be a happy bunny full time. It’s been bad enough adjusting my life round my decrepit hip, but watching the rest of my body going south while I wait for the NHS to recover is what I’m finding hard to deal with. Life keeps shrinking, and sometimes it hurts to have to accept that..

    I'm sorry to hear about your foot, but glad it healed up ok. I think it was a foot injury about 20 years ago that is the reason my left hip is so much worse than my right (injured chasing the cat to rescue a bird, obviously). Walking oddly soon took its toll on my knee, and it just kept moving upwards. Still, I managed some stonking walks in that condition. Looking forward to one day trying one or two again, hopefully before I'm too old anyway.

    Thanks Mike, I've a lot of time for Buddhists. I follow the Dalai Lama on FB for a bit of occasional enlightenment. He's so down to earth, "life can get rubbish, but make the best of what's in front of you now, have a chuckle, and be nice to everyone". Those that I met on my travels were wonderful people. I do like that quote you've offered. Thank you.

  • stellabean
    stellabean Member Posts: 307

    Lilymary I am so sorry you are feeling down things can seem so dark at times. I had a spinal injection a couple of years ago, it didn't go well the Dr hit a nerve and I spent over a year in agony. I lost a great deal of mobility and my walking was altered due to pain. I went to see a physio (sports injury and rehab) she sorted me out with crutches so I walked more central and supported, acupuncture ( I wasn't keen had it at Gp's on my neck and it made it worse) but she knew what she was doing and it worked, exercises and help to walk properly again. It took at lot of work and a couple of years but it was possible for me to walk but not like I used to before my injury. But I can enjoy a walk now not treat it as a painful necessity to get somewhere. I am not as fast but now I have time to spot the wildlife and flora. I have had to accept I can no longer walk the fells but at least I can still walk I was told 20 years ago to just sit in a wheelchair by a neurosurgeon ( what a wally).

    Keep your chin up and I hope you feel a bit more up beat soon.