Help for my mum

My mum & I both have arthritis in different form mainly in our knees. My mum walks with 2 sticks at the moment & I spend every minute of my spare time at her bungalow. Me & my husband are thinking of either putting a garden room building in the garden so we can live there or selling both our properties & move in together. I suffer with depression & psoriatic arthritis in my knees & struggle to work & look after her. I don’t know what the best thing is to do. It’s tearing me apart trying to run 2 houses.


  • chrisb
    chrisb Moderator Posts: 664

    Hi @SallyC74 and welcome to the Versus Arthritis forum.

    So, both you and your Mum have arthritis mainly in the knees and you also suffer with depression and psoriatic arthritis.

    It must be very hard work and stressful having to run two households so I can see why you’re considering alternative living arrangements.

    I hope that the following links to our website are of use to you :

    I’m sure that other forum members who have similar conditions will be able to share their experiences and offer you some tips and advice.

    You may also wish to call our free Helpline on 0800 5200 520, or email [email protected] (Mon - Fri 9:00am – 8:00pm) if you ever feel they could be of help.

    Best Wishes

    ChrisB (Moderator)

    Need more help - call our Helpline on 0800 5200 520 Monday to Friday 9am to 6pm

  • Mike1
    Mike1 Member Posts: 1,992

    Have a chat with Adult Social Care at your Council, they may be able to offer help or advice for both of you, at the very least they will be able to advise about aids around the house to help you both out and, as in my case, may be able to provide the aids as well. It may not be the solution that you are looking for but it should certainly help.

  • Lilymary
    Lilymary Member Posts: 1,739

    You may struggle with planning permission for a garden room, and it will be much more expensive than you’d imagine, as it will need to be Building Regulations compliant with issues like insulation, services etc. I think your best bet would be sharing one home, if you can't find a way to make the existing arrangement work. But that’s a big step, so as Mike says, have a word with your local Social Services and see if they can help.

  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,687

    Hi Sally,

    Like Mike and Lilymary, I’m just an ordinary forum member but I’m sure the Helpline team will be around tomorrow.

    This is a very big decision, isn’t it? I think you’re absolutely right to seek advice before taking it, both from here and, as Mike and Lilymary have suggested, from Social Services. (Did you know you can just find their number for Adult Social Care on your local government site and ring that?)

    There are so many questions to think about. Would the idea be for you and your Mum to care for each other or for one – probably you – to care for the other? That’s a huge responsibility to take on when you have PsA however you deal with the very awkward, expensive and stressful house situation. Are all three of you in agreement about it?

    I’m wondering how much help both you and your mother have as it is in terms of accessible bathroom, loo etc and useful gadgets like cordless vacs, kitchen tools, grab rails and a host of other things.

    Do you spend “every minute of my spare time at her bungalow” because she is unable to care for herself? That must be incredibly tough on all three of you.

    Do get help. You can't shoulder this alone. Why not give our Helpline people a ring on Monday?

    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • SallyC74
    SallyC74 Member Posts: 3
    Thanks for replying, mum doesn’t want to move so I think we are looking at extending her bungalow. I have emailed occupational health in our area to see if we can get a wet room in as she can’t get over the bath to have a shower. She’s also put in for attendance allowance as she can’t get any other benefits as she’s a few pounds over the limit which I think is wrong but hey ho it is what it is.
    I do try to work 3 days a week to give me a bit of normality xx
  • Dear Sally C74


    Thank you for your posting on the forum. It sounds as if things have been very difficult for you running two homes and dealing with your own arthritis and working as well. This can all impact on your feelings and we have information on how you can look after your emotional wellbeing on the link below. You can also speak to your GP about support for depression.

    As the responses to your post have already suggested and I see that you have already emailed occupational health for support and your mum has applied for attendance allowance.

    We also have information about aids and adaptations and this includes information on financial help for these (Please see the link below). I am aware that you have already received a link to our information on psoriatic arthritis and there may be some information that can help you in the management of this condition.

    As you are also working we do have information about your rights at work and the support you can get when you have arthritis. This may help and I have put the link below for this.

    ·  Emotional wellbeing

    ·  Living with arthritis - your home

    ·  Working with arthritis and support


    I hope that this information is helpful to you. You are very welcome to call us here on the helpline If you require any further information or would just like to talk things through with one of our helpline team. You can contact us on 0800 520 0520, Monday – Friday 9am – 8pm.

    Kind regards


    Helpline Advisor

  • MarzMac
    MarzMac Member Posts: 47

    Dear @SallyC74

    I just wanted to add that you might benefit from a chat with your local carers centre, which you can find here

    It sounds like you have a caring role for your mum and as such, there may be local support services as well as benefits, grants, etc that they could help you find out about. At the very least you are probably entitled to a support plan/assessment that can help determine how life could be made easier for you.

    You can find more information about the process, which will depend where you live, here

    Best wishes