Acceptance

HannahB

Hi everyone! I have been following this group for some time but have only just built up the courage to post! I became really ill, literally overnight, back in October 2019 and I am still really struggling with the ‘new me’!.

I developed RA suddenly overnight back in October 2019. I was a working, 39 year old active, fit, independent single mother. I went from going to the gym 3/4 times a week to moving in with my parents and using a zimma frame. I’m still under investigation for other autoimmune diseases, maninly Lupus, but at presents doctors seem quite baffled as to what it is I actually have in addition to RA, as am I!

I’m finding it hard accepting the ‘new me’ and letting go of the fit, active, independent me .

I get jealous and envious of everyone who walks or runs past my house! I even get jealous of my sister when she calls to walk my dog for me, take my 3yr old out to the park or even simply jogs past my house. That’s not right!

i feel I’m grieving for what used to be and struggling to accept what is now!

im sorry this isn’t particularly an uplifting text but I was just wondering if there was anyone else out there like ‘me’?!

Mike1

Hi Hannah, don't beat yourself up, it is natural to feel something like mourning for the "old" you. I have had OA for around 20 years and it has degenerated to the state that I am a wheelchair user and unable to do much really, relying on a weekly home help. I went from a fit ex-serviceman, martial arts, weight lifting, jogging, rugby playing motorcyclist to what I am now, I have even had my driving licence withdrawn on disability grounds. Strangely enough I occasionally get down about what I can no longer do and have even withdrawn from some acquaintances which remind me of my past life. The trick is to find something that you CAN do and get enjoyment from to replace things you can no longer do. It appears that you do not find it easy to accept help and neither do I! Chin up!

Ast

Hi Hannah

This is really hard, you sound like me...I was really active and am pretty ok ATM but not back to normal. That's not want you want to hear ...I know ...x

I have been an acute nurse all my career and switched to a slightly different role few years back, had a lot of stress, and then one day June 2019, I woke up and my neck was so so stiff...pain was awful, feet killed and hands and could hardly get about, I was so miserable. Weeks and weeks of struggling, my right big toe turning in....aches all over my body, sometimes I couldn't walk and everyday would need to put feet in warm water cos they hurt and ached so much...pain killers, meds, and the tiredness was crazy...Started on Meth inj. Reluctantly, but after some add ins and increases I am now so much more stable. I'm so much better than I was, can't really run but I manage, better days than others...I have more energy but nowhere near what I used to have. I do get down and try not to think too hard that this is potentially as good as it gets...Im 44 now...last year I couldn't garden at all...really depressing ...literally no energy, stamina and the garden went wilder an wilder...thank goodness I have some family I can point at things to help me...this year I am better than before and hope to get out and do a bit more. I'm wondering if your meds are right for you and whether you need further adjustments... To get more stability..

When I was really bad it did evoke a lot of thinking and self reflection...and thinking about the future, it's really scary...I didn't know if I was going to improve...it took almost a year before I got any sense of control... I'm still on celebrex, paracetamol an codeine ad-hoc. My rheum keep telling me STILL it's early days...bit hard to swallow.

I don't have answers and probably not much help...one thing I keep being told is 'pace' ... hahaha it's like asking you to drive backwards all the time or something...it's really hard to not just do what you are used to doing...I'm rubbish at it, and often spend one or two days a weeklike a zombie or sleeping too much..

I hope you can find some support from here, I've onlyposted a couple of times but people are kind, supportive and there is that common understanding that really helps

take care xx

Ast