How is this fair

Holland66
Holland66 Member Posts: 2
edited 12. May 2021, 16:48 in Living with arthritis

Hi I have had quite bad health issue since my early twenties. At about 29 I was told I had degenerative disc disease and it had a great impact on my life. By the age of 40 I had two big operations on my back. These helped abit with the pain but in a short amount of time my back started further up to lose a disc in different places. I was in constant pain and on heavy duty pain killers. Because of my back I was weaker on my left side and I walked funny putting a lot of pressure on my right. I few years ago my right knee started getting bad and I was told I had arthritis I was I so much pain my life became hell and I tried all sorts of things to cope , I did at least 3 pain management courses which were no help in fact made me worse because I lived so far away be the time I got there I was in so much pain I cried. Anyway a few years on and having no life I was told I now had arthritis in my left knee. The pain is just so bad to be fair most of the time I just don’t want to live. I am over weight not though over eating because that couldn’t be further from the truth but because since my twenties I have be barely able to move. For years I have been to see doctors about having my knees done because I can’t walk really at all and use crutches to get around the house but using them have caused my back to get worse. I have tried to lose weight but where u only have one small meal a day because that’s all I want it’s hard to cut down anymore. I don’t smoke or drink or even eat fatty foods but can’t lose weight and on top of everything I have liver disease and very low iron count and have had iron transfusions. I have been lots of times about my knees but the doctor has been rude and dam right horrible to me about my weight. I sit there in tears trying to tell them I don’t over eat but can move so the weight just doesn’t change. They don’t listen they talk over me almost call me a liar and refuse to do my knees. When I go about my knees of course it’s a different specialist to the one I go to about my back and so the knee specialist irgores me when I try to tell them that it’s not my knees that makes walking almost impossible. They never join the dots. I don’t lose weight because I can’t move and they won’t help me move because I’m over weight. The pain is something that never gets any better and the list of pain killers and antidepressants I take would take me forever to list. I at this point in 54 years old and for the past twenty plus years haven’t lived but just existed . Most of the time I want to go to bed and never wake up and the only thing that stops me is the fact I have a 18 year old son who has ADHD and mental health problems and wouldn’t cope with the loss of me. Sorry for the rant but surely I can’t be left like this for the rest of my life I have even asked them to take my legs off to stop the pain from there although I still would be left with the back pain

Comments

  • YvonneH
    YvonneH Member Posts: 1,111
    edited 13. May 2021, 11:04

    Hi @Holland66

    Great to meet you. I know from our conversations that you are right at the end of your tether but that you are not intending any harm to yourself. I'm sure our members will welcome you as much as I do. I'm glad you have found us.

    You have sent 25 years dealing with pain in your spine and then also in your knees. Because of this you have little mobility but you are keeping going because you have a son who needs you. You are angry with the medical staff who are being uncaring, lacking understanding in how you can lose weight given your corcumstances.

    If you want to talk to someone on the phone we do have Helplines 0800 5200 520 between 9am–6pm.

    Take care

    Yvonne x

  • YvonneH
    YvonneH Member Posts: 1,111

    Hello again @Holland66

    I have thought of a group that might be able to help you. They are called Dial UK they say 'our primary goal is to provide adequate information and support to individuals living with disability throughout the United Kingdom.'

    Here is their web address

    We are here to give you support and to walk alongside you to share the journey. We have all sorts of problem solving skills to help you day to day. Just let us know what you need help with first.

    sending you a bucket 🪣 of strength and some gentle cuddles (((())))

    Take care

    Yvonne x

  • Jona
    Jona Member Posts: 406

    Hi Holland66,

    You are really having a nightmare and I’m so sorry that you are but you must be strong to have gone through this for such a long time and I’m glad you have your son and your right he needs his mum

    have you thought about asking you dr to refer you for talking therapy I’m sure you need someone to talk to there is supporting minds you could contact when you feel low

    Anyway just to let you know your not alone here on this site there are a lot of lovely people who can help just take care of yourself and stay strong because I think you are dealing with all what you do

    take care

    love Jona 😊💪

  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 28,211

    Hi @Holland66

    I am so so sorry you are having such a tough time. It really does sound awful. I am taking it (sorry if I am wrong) that you are also a single parent and doing it all alone with a 'child' with his own problems? I also think this because I never go to the Dr without taking someone with me. For some reason they treat you better if you aren't alone. Obviously I am not saying all Drs are horrible gosh no, but they are in the position of power and I feel powerless when I go.

    I know backs too - had surgery myself so understand totally how awful it is. It's just it affects all of you doesn't it? You can't even use the loo without agony😕as for coughing or sneezing😣

    @Jona is right you are absolutely not alone we are all here for each other on this site. We all know and understand pain and none of us would judge anyone by anything else, weight included.

    Over the years I have heard a good few people on here judged by Drs over their weight and surgery being delayed because of it. I don't know the answer, but someone once told me eating not enough can be as bad as eating too much. Maybe you could just try to eat a little more often even if it's only something small?

    Anyway please do stay have a look around the site and join in anywhere everyone is really nice and friendly. Distraction helps with pain a lot and many of us use the site as much for that as for tips and advice.

    Take care and keep posting!

  • Loggiemod
    Loggiemod Member Posts: 114

    Hi @Holland66 I can understand your frustration with Drs and all the pain you are in. I think that doctors tend to specialize and sometimes do not think of other causes to problems. I have had similar in the past and find that you need to keep persevering to get results and eventually you get somewhere. I've also been in a bad place with all the pain but found forums like this where you can chat about the issues and others on the forum are very supportive. As @frogmorton says keep posting and look around the forum. Some discussions are about conditions but others are just people being friends with each other and this helps distract form the pain.

    Take care

    Peter

  • Jona
    Jona Member Posts: 406

    Hi Loggiemod,

    hope your feeling a little better you know I always used to say I’m big, I’m bold but I’m beautiful I eat little and often seems to work for me 😊💪🤗

  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 28,211

    Like that @Jona

    Beautiful!

    I was also checking in to see how you might be doing @Holland66 ?

  • Jona
    Jona Member Posts: 406

    Ooops that comment was for Holland66 duurr just keep saying to yourself I’m big, I’m bold but I’m beautiful xx

  • sunnyside2
    sunnyside2 Member Posts: 131

    I believe you. I am too heavy and because my knee is so painful I cannot exercise. It makes it very hard to lose weight- but it is possible.

  • Jona
    Jona Member Posts: 406

    We are what we are, we shouldn’t put too much pressure on ourselves tbh it is better to lose weight healthier for everyone and takes the pressure off our joints in some cases but I do believe we shouldn’t make it too pressured

    love Jona 😊💪