First steps down a long road


Life-changing events are like being sucked into a black hole, or a nuclear bomb being set off. Once initiated, there's no going, back, destiny is set, and the only way forward is down one long rough road..

Unlike some of them that you freely choose, others land on you like a ton of bricks from nowhere. Being diagnosed with hip OA fully falls into the latter category, and a chain of events will now take its course.

The first step is PAIN. A first just a pain, that you try to ignore but then grows to the level of excruciating and the dawning realization that something is wrong.

The second step is the one you put off as long as possible until you can't stand the pain any longer - reaching out for professional help. At least in this part you get a choice. Due to the pandemic and what I guessed would be a GP practice swamped to oblivion, I wisely went for the Physio, and when he gave a diagnosis I felt incomplete, Physio 2. And that's when the life-changing bombshell got delivered!

Hip OA unfortunately requires more than one specialist, so with fatalistic eyes to the sky I did the one thing I wanted to completely avoid - contact the NHS, Physio's diagnosis in hand. First telephone appointment on Wednesday. This will be the start of a very long grueling process that will eventually, several years down the line, end with a metal hip. In the meantime there will be appointments and Physio - LOTS of appointments and LOTS of Physio. And pain of varying degrees throughout. I have better things to do with my life.

Fearing neither death nor eternal judgement, I would, if I were free of commitments, check out now. I've done all the things and had all the experiences I really wanted, so I'd be happy to go - I have the knowledge to pass quickly and painlessly. But that is precluded by the fact that I have loved ones who count on me, and because I love them I can't do incredibly selfish things like leave them in the brown stuff, effectively ending my own suffering only to pass it to them as a legacy. Bum. I'll have to carry on then - if suffering is the cost of loving them I'll do it. Down the long road I go...