Feeling Rubbish

Trees

Hello, I’m 57, have RA/OA/Fibromyalgia and Anklosing Spondylitis, I work part time and recently employer just seems to not understand when I’m struggling at work, case of if you aren’t well enough don’t come in attitude. Last week there was a bit of an argument, not on my part I just sat and took it, but things aren’t getting better with my health and the stress of work is getting me down and having to go into work and make out life is just great. I worked full time since I was 16 and only went part time when illness started over ten years ago and am beginning to wonder if life is worth it as quality of life isn’t always good as get so fatigued and in days off can’t do much. Sat here today feeling rubbish due to Methotrexate injection last night, some weeks ok but this week not, sat here worrying about everything and have always been known as such a positive person but feel I’m not anymore.

Lilymary

I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time at the moment. I know something of how you feel, having battled through at work with two bouts of ME, without telling anyone, and although I’m self employed, my clients were not remotely interested in my OA, they just wanted their work done well and on time. I just had to tough it out. While recovering from THR, I haven’t been able to work much at all, so they’ve just had to put up with that!

It’s really hard to get across to people who are fit and healthy just how debilitating these conditions are, including the effect of simply being in pain all the time. Would it be possible for you to have an open conversation with your boss, maybe direct them to some of the links on this site that describe your various conditions, so that they can better understand what you’re dealing with on a daily basis. You could perhaps say you want to do the job in the way that your boss wants, but that maybe you could do with more support? This may just mean changing the way you do things, how often you can rest, get a better seat etc etc. (Hard to be specific without knowing what you do - you don't need to tell us but hope you know what I’m getting at).

Meanwhile, when not at work, be kind to yourself, prioritise how you use your energy so you don’t burn out, schedule in quality rest time, and try to make time for things you enjoy rather than just getting through the basics like shopping, food prep etc. (Cleaning? What’s that??). When you’re not working, your second “job” is to nurse yourself.

I hope you find some of the information in these links helpful.

https://www.versusarthritis.org/about-arthritis/managing-symptoms/managing-your-pain/

https://www.versusarthritis.org/about-arthritis/managing-symptoms/managing-fatigue/

https://www.versusarthritis.org/about-arthritis/living-with-arthritis/work/

https://www.versusarthritis.org/policy/our-policy-positions/employment-and-work/

Take care. We all know on here how hard this can get. It’s ok to not feel ok about it from time to time. LM x

frogmorton

Hi @Trees

I am so sorry you are having such a tough time😕

Is this a new manager? If the company is big enough maybe get on to Occupational health? Or maybe better still have a chat to ACAS they are there to support all working people.

I hope today is a better day and this was partly 'Sunday blues' getting to you - the thought of another week at work and the MTX being so yukky yesterday ((()))

Oh and have you thought about ringing the helplines here? They were so kind and helpful the time I rang them.

Take care

Brynmor

Hi @Trees

As @frogmorton says, you might like to chat to someone from our Helplines team on 0800 5200 520

Calls are free and the lines are open Monday–Friday, 9am–6pm. They are really good to chat to when feeling a bit rubbish and are very helpful in helping sort out problems.

Trees

Thank you all so very much for your kind words and thoughtfulness, yesterday was so rubbish and I felt like I was the only one dealing with this, which I’m not. Sat down with my husband yesterday and he suggested that maybe I should consider giving up work where it is structured as when I have a bad day instead of struggling into work I could try and find something more flexible or home secretarial work as a lot of companies have office staff working remotely nowadays. So I think I will start to look at those options as I don’t feel ready to give up work just yet, but want to be happy working. He’s always saying be kinder to myself too and to stop going around saying I’m fine all the time and have more quality time in between work, so after final taking stock and listening to him and reading your messages I think I need to think about myself a bit more. I feel a lot more positive than I did yesterday and thank you again for your messages, can’t tell you how many messages I started to write then deleted, glad I eventually sent one.

Take care all of you xxx🌻🌻🌻🤗🤗🤗

Lilymary

Sompleased you are starting to see a way forward. And having a supportive partner makes such a difference. Do keep us posted, and feel free to come on again when you next need to have a moan or need a bit of support. We all know how rubbish this can get.

Jona

Hello Trees,

Just to let you know your not alone, I like you went part time couldn’t take my medication and drive the 40 mins to and from work put myself and others at risk got home took meds then bed then shower bed and work no life I was just existing I was getting things wrong at work some part of me was always in pain but realised that apart from work and pain that was all I had so I decided to stop, I have no other means of support at 62 and on my own it’s really scarey

you wouldn’t believe how I’ve been treated by the medical profession working in that field but it has not been a nice one nor to mention navigating the benefit system treated much worse I’ve even been called a liar and made to feel like I’m past my sell by date classed as non compliant as medications give me more side effects and I refuse to add to my already long list of problems I’ve not give up but I’ve given in so I’ve applied for ill health retirement and that has been a challenge 4 drs reports later and cross examined like being in court has been a real eye opener as to how much the govt care about it’s ageing population so I’ve realised no one cares about me so I’ve started caring about me being able to take medications that do work, rest when I need to and be kind to myself has made a huge difference I still don’t know how I’m going to support myself but as covid has shown life is short so do what’s right for you stress only adds to pain funny really if I won millions on the lottery I bet I’d have a lot of people wanting to care about and for me

take care

love Jona 💐💐💐