Hello... I am scared and alone.

Kitkatie15

Hi everyone,

My name is Katie. I've recently been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis within the past month. It's been a few months that I've been living in pain it wasn't until the swelling of my knuckles that I finally decided to see what was wrong. I have terrible health anxiety... And this new diagnosis definitely isn't helping. I've been on Methotrexate for a couple weeks now and I think I'm seeing some progress but I'm scared of where this disease will lead me. I am so young and I have dreams, bigger than what I am now. I feel hopeless I'm afraid to leave the house. I go to therapy regularly because I'm not mentally well either. It's just really overwhelming... I have a physically demanding job on top of it that is hard to do some days but it's my dream job, it's the last part of me that is good and still exists and it's heartbreaking thinking I might have to give that up someday. I hate struggling to get out of bed in the morning... Or even a chair after sitting. It effects my fingers and my knees. I cried trying to open a can of soup today... I know I need to adapt this is part of life now and I need to accept it. I have the worst quality of life and I just wish it would get better. Can you tell me how you've overcome this? I lack hope nowadays. Perhaps some of you can shed some light. I know it's not going to be easy. I miss the old me, one who used to hike mountain trails and climb over rocks. I get so frustrated with myself. How do you live now that you have RA?

Thank you all for providing a caring community ❤️❤️

Lane

Hello @Kitkatie15 welcome to our friendly community.

I understand that you have recently been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. Please see the attached links which may be of help to you:

https://www.versusarthritis.org/about-arthritis/conditions/rheumatoid-arthritis/

also

https://www.versusarthritis.org/about-arthritis/conditions/hand-and-wrist-pain/

https://www.versusarthritis.org/about-arthritis/conditions/knee-pain/

I see that you have connected with others and do continue to keep posting.

All the best.

CrazyrunningDog

Hi Katy I was diagnosed in September it is hell. There have been times when I just wished I would die. I know how you feel and just reading your post made me cry yet again. It is really scary and depressing .

I spoke to the helpline yesterday and cried my eyes out and moan and ranted. It did make me feel better.

I like you loved long walking holidays climbing mountains etc did an hour of yoga every day cycled to work etc. 8 weeks ago I couldn't walk going to the bath room was agony. I am on Methotrexate and it has had some success but I am still uncomfortable and it hurts but the flare ups are less intense and I recover sooner than before.

I understand that it can take 3 months for the full effect to kick in and there's the option of increasing the dosage or trying other drugs.

I had side affects when I started, feeling sick and being really hot and unable to sleep but after 8 weeks the MXT doesn't affect me now. I just saved up loads of films and had snacks ready to go on the evening I took it to try and make it as bearable as I could and knew the following day would be a write off.

I miss the old me I am hoping that the meds will help bring something of myself back. Crying really helps me so I do it when ever I feel like it and **** everyone else they'd cry too if they knew what its like.

Yesterday I was really low and wished I was dead but to day reading your post made me cry and hope that just knowing you are not the only one going through this sort of helps. There is a support group near me which meets once a month and I have decided to go to it as I really cannot manage this on my own.

The help line was really brilliant and I am so pleased I called it kind of made my day.

You are not alone, it will get better, there are other options, and you will be yourself again.

It just takes time. I Really understand how you feel I am still there myself and my heart goes out to you.

There I go crying again.

Much love Martyn

Woofy

https://community.versusarthritis.org/discussion/59027/hello-i-am-scared-and-alone

Hi Katie.

you are not alone. I was diagnosed with R A this year.

I have been through the same emotions as you have. I am 64, so a lot older, but in a way feel the same way as you do about what to expect. I feel cheated in some ways, as my retirement isn’t far away, and I really hadn’t planned it quite like this.

I take things now day at a time. Some better than others. I try to stay positive, although it isn’t always easy.

are there any support groups near you for other young Arthritis suffers?

I do hope you find the strength to go forward. Be kind to yourself.

CCM

Two thoughts that may help you.

Modern treatments for Rheumatoid Arthritis has greatly improved so that now when properly managed patients lifestyle is not greatly impaired. Gone are the days a century ago when patients with severe rheumatoid had to take to their bed and stayed there for the rest of their days.

This an extract from a post by another member:

"Also I noticed that when I focused my mind too much on my fears or negative predictions about my future dealing with the arthritis that I suffered more, both pain wise and sadness-wise. It is a known fact that your emotional state and how you think about your pain can either increase or decrease your suffering from it. When you have thoughts about the pain never going away or getting worse over time, tell yourself "The pain may get worse but my ability to cope with it is getting better every day." To increase your ability to cope with it there are some good books about managing pain from a psychological standpoint out there - look around and see if one of them is of interest to you or you could also try a few sessions of therapy with a good pain management therapist as well."

Look for the positive. Don't regret the things you can no longer do, but rejoice in the new things you find as substitutes and the joy of finding them.

CCM

Kate1701

Hi Katie,

your post could’ve been mine, so I completely hear what you’re going through. I too am recently diagnosed, though a little older than you at 44.

I miss the old me too, a year ago I was a powerlifter and lived for exercise and being strong and healthy. And like you the pains in my wrists and hands make even the simplest task seem like a mountain.

So although I can’t reassure you about your future with this disease, please know you are not alone. If it’s any consolation today I just cried all day - there is an element of grief I think that we are allowed to feel. I suffer with my mental health too, particularly ptsd and anxiety.. and being a single mum, there are days I literally have no idea how I will cope to get all the bills paid and provide. But as others say, just one day at a time. That’s all any of us can do.

your post really touched me, so just know it’s ok to feel how you are feeling. It’s of course important to try and have some positivity too, but how you feel now is valid, and try and be as kind to yourself as you can.

Sending my best wishes and hugs

a fellow Kate x