Finding strength

vand

I am having a flare in my hip yet again, hurts no matter what I do, tramadol is helping, am just so fed up am in pain every minute of every day, of varying amounts.

I can’t plan because I don’t know how I’m going to be I have no friends locally as they have all grown fed up of me not being able to go out.

medically I keep getting infections, I am being investigated for womb cancer this is the latest joy.

this disease just keeps on taking and taking

im so tired of it all

Faithhope22

Hello vand sorry to hear your having a tough time l am recently new to this site it is horrible l have not long been diagnosed with knee arthritis and understand that people who don’t have it find it hard to understand it can be very isolating condition l seem to have flare ups at the end of the day it is very tiring Faithhope22

TLee

Hello. So sorry to hear that you are so low. I have felt that way quite often--sometimes I feeling like I just want to curl up & give up. I have always had a tendency toward depression, but I find that when I feel worse physically I can slip into a very bleak place mentally. The fact that you are dealing with health worries in addition to arthritis pain really doesn't help (I have COPD that worsens with allergy triggers, weather, exertion, or sometimes just to make things difficult!). It can be a lot to handle.

The biggest red flag that I see in your post is the fact that you feel you no longer have friends. I think it is common with depression as well as with pain or illness, to cut yourself off from others. You think, They're sick of hearing me complain, but I'd bet if you asked them they would tell you that's nonsense. I went through a rough time recently, even going so far as to tell myself that I'd be doing my family a big favor if I "went away". This was a scary place for me to be as I'd never had such thoughts before, even at my lowest times. It forced me to do whatever it took to pull myself out of that black hole.

The main thing is to reengage with people. I congratulate you for finding this forum, as having a friendly place to vent and also get advice and encouragement is a huge help. I also encourage you to contact friends and family and take part in their society as best you can (force yourself at first if you have to!). I recently took a weekend sightseeing trip with my adult daughter--even though I thought many times of cancelling on her. I did most of my sightseeing from the car, but it was a wonderful time. You CAN still participate in life, maybe you just need to modify how you do so, and I think you will find that people are very understanding. The added benefit is that it can take your mind off the pain for a while.

Finally, I know that it gets old having folks tell you to get help, but I do recommend investigating some form of therapy. I have been looking at the practice of mindfulness, and although I am no expert & have taken some of the lessons with a large grain of salt, I am going to say that it has been helpful. Mainly I just try to take a moment to be hyper-aware of my self & my surroundings and find peace in it. It seems to set me up for a brighter day somehow.

I still have down days when living with pain makes me sad, mad and tired! I just need to try and stay out of that really dark place. I wish you good luck as well. Keep in touch!

TillyBex

Hi Vand, so sorry to hear you are feeling so miserable at the moment. I'm also new to all this with a recent diagnosis. I agree with Tlee this illness can feel very isolating especially coupled with depression. But I'm sure your friends would want you to reach out especially if they knew how isolated you were feeling. I'm not a touchy feely mindfulness sort of person normally but these are not normal times. So perhaps try reconnecting with one friend at least maybe just a coffee and a catch up. Doesn't have to be an all day event. Small steps eventually add up. Keep talking on here, these are good people who understand and don't judge. We will all have had dark bleak times, but staying connected to life is vital. There will be better days ahead. Take care of yourself x

Lilymary

I agree with @TLee and @TillyBex , do try to reconnect with friends and family, even if just one at a time. It is very hard for non-sufferers to understand how this feels, so tell them. Tell them how the pain drains you, how doing stuff they take for granted is a major and painful task for you, (oh how I remember pre THR praying for a parking space nearest the shop entrance - every few feet made a difference), and how it makes you feel down and isolated. Ask for help, if there are things you need to do but can't. But most of all, tell them that you would like to do things with them, but that you need to find different ways to meet up. As TillyBex said, just coffee and cake at a cafe with a good car park, or come round to your house for tea and biscuits to watch a silly movie, just to feel you're part of the real world again.

I went through breast cancer 6 months after hip surgery, so I do get how you might feel overwhelmed at the moment, but these things will pass, keep your eye on the bigger picture when all this nonsense will be sorted. I remember a woman in my ward post surgery sitting up in bed with her drain in, ringing friends to book her next holiday. I took it a day at a time, found small pleasures where I could, and focussed past the grotty bit to when I would be up on my feet and getting on with life again.

I tended to get flare ups with my hip if I'd been doing too much, so I learnt to book a couple of rest days into my diary if I knew I had a heavy day coming to let the inflamed tissues settle down again. It did help. Bad weather can do it too, so try to keep warm. And while it may seem counter-intuitive, don't let yourself veg out on the sofa too much - try some gentle exercise to stop your body seizing up, eg Let's Move with Leon (link below) is very gentle and quite fun. He does it with his mum, to show how the exercises can be made as gentle as you need them to be. It will keep the muscles toned a bit, and get the rest of your body opened up and moving again.

https://www.versusarthritis.org/about-arthritis/exercising-with-arthritis/lets-move-with-leon/

Have you spoken with your GP about managing your pain levels better? It might be worth asking for a referral to a pain clinic. Meanwhile, I found some of the tips on here helpful. This included a bit of meditation - it can make a difference (and I'm not touchy-feely either). Distraction, ie losing yourself in something you enjoy, is also good at taking your focus away from the pain. So coffee with friends sounds a doubly good idea.

https://www.versusarthritis.org/about-arthritis/managing-symptoms/managing-your-pain/

TLee

This has been on my mind a lot. Not because I am currently experiencing depression, but because I'm not. I'm sure it will come back for a visit, but I'm trying to make the most of feeling "human" right now. I'm planning for the holidays and enjoying time with family. So let this be a part of my message to you: Depression is often cyclical, so in that sense, time really does heal. There will come a time, hopefully soon, when you will feel the dark cloud begin to lift. Even through pain and fear, things will look do-able again. It is important to hang on to the knowledge that better times will come (and do what you can to help the process).