OMG I’m so GRUMPY

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Skinny Keef
Skinny Keef Member Posts: 1,007
in Living with arthritis

Pain makes me grumpy. I used to try and hide it, but it’s like now I’m so grumpy I can’t even be bothered to do that.

I also feel like the future of stuff to deal with is overwhelming because I have this stupid disease to deal with all the time before anything else.

Anyone else feel like this?

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  • DebbieL
    DebbieL Member Posts: 64
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    Hi Keef

    Yep being in pain is not good for our mood. It’s a catch 22- I don’t want to moan about my pain to friends and family, yet I want them to notice when I’m struggling. My husband’s quite good at spotting when I am struggling. We were out on a walk when I admitted I was in some pain and needed a painkiller. He said he wondered when I was going to say something. I asked him how he knew. He said I’d stopped talking and was limping a bit. He suggested we headed back home and watch a film instead.

    My grown up children rarely notice if I’m having a bad day. Taking to my bed with my painkillers is usually when they are aware I’ve had enough.We shouldn’t have to hide when we are in pain or having a bad day but some people will have the gift and notice but others just don’t see it. I suppose there are two sides- we need to explain what it’s like and how we feel and they need to listen.

    Today it’s my cough that’s bugging me. Every time I cough the pain in my back is terrible- feels like very sore bones banging against each other. I get sympathy for my terrible cough but that’s nothing compared to the pain in my back but as most people haven’t experienced that pain they don’t understand. Ah well I’ve had a moan and feel better.

    I think we are all entitled to be grumpy sometimes, but only for a little while. I always feel better when out in the country with nature, views and fresh air. I think as soon as spring arrives and some warmer weather we will all be less grumpy.

    I hope you are feeling better soon.

    Take care

    Debbie

  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,715
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    @Keef , I've long argued that it's essential for those of us in constant pain not to redistribute it with a harsh word here or a casual sideswipe there. I do firmly believe it but there will always be times when stoicism just doesn't work. Not that anything else does either but......

    I go for distraction as much as possible. When pain is overwhelming I take it as a sign I'm supposed to thoroughly indulge myself, watching as much cricket or baseball as I wish and cooking minimally. We all know these really bad times do go eventually. As for looking into the future, I just don't see the point. My aim was always just to get my kids to be independent. They're now either side of 50 and I guess you could say mission accomplished. Keep plugging away. Sometimes just getting through the day can be an achievement.

    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • Woofy
    Woofy Member Posts: 274
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    https://community.versusarthritis.org/discussion/59232/omg-i-m-so-grumpy

    Crikey Keef. I have those feelings too.

    I had a good cry last night, felt proper sorry for myself I did. Unfortunately my poor husband got to bear the brunt of it.

    l have been awake since about 5 o’clock this morning ( part of the problem) sleeping and getting a restful night is impossible sometimes. Physical pain is one thing, emotional feelings are a whole different level. I hate being like this.

    I think we are entitled to feel miserable sometimes. It’s ok not to be ok. Maybe we could get some badges made. What would you have on yours??

  • Fran54
    Fran54 Member Posts: 183
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    Oh yes, I know the feeling of being grumpy. Last week when we had the freezing cold weather and snow, my arthritis was really playing up and I felt so grumpy with everything and was trying hard not to keep moaning at my hubby. I normally try and hide my feelings, but I had to let my hubby know that I was not coping very well. I have been asking him to help out with various chores and it is surprising how little things like that help. Also, I try and distract myself and keep busy by doing a jigsaw, puzzles or reading and listening to the radio more.

    Getting out in the fresh air was a no-no last week, but this year I am going to make a New Years resolution and that is to do more walking, even if it is just to the top of the road and back.

    Well now I feel a lot better after offloading and will make a big effort to not be grumpy over Christmas.

    Merry Christmas to all of you lovely people .🎄

  • Skinny Keef
    Skinny Keef Member Posts: 1,007
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    Just to clarify;

    I use to try and hide the fact I was grumpy or rather I’d try to stay not grumpy, is there a word for not grumpy, if there is I can’t remember what it is, mind you it is just before 4 am and I’m up because my bloody feet hurt and have woken me up and now the rest of my affected joints are joining in, in kind of a “hey guys we’re up early again, lets have a Pain party!!!” Well I’ve just popped two tram followed by a Christmas biscuit so that will shut them up.

    where was I, oh yeah but I’ve never hidden the cause of my grumpiness.

    just in case my first post in this thread sounded contradictory to the one further down. It did confuse me for a second and they’re my posts.

    Christmas Eve woohoo!

  • Wendy52
    Wendy52 Member Posts: 15
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    Thank you for the above messages. I don’t feel so alone after reading them.

    I am grumpy and very emotional at the moment and worried about spoiling the family Christmas.

    I am seven weeks into the arthritis journey and I feel as though i have lost all control.

    So many things I can’t do and asking for help goes against the grain as I have always been very independent.

    Sorry to be so negative but I do hope that everyone has an enjoyable Christmas!

  • Woofy
    Woofy Member Posts: 274
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    https://community.versusarthritis.org/discussion/comment/702765#Comment_702765

    Wendy52. Just summed me up in a nut shell. I’m with you gal.

    Christmas dinner will be what it is. I’m not going to beat myself up if it’s less than perfect.

    Hope you have a good day. Merry Christmas.

  • Woofy
    Woofy Member Posts: 274
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    https://community.versusarthritis.org/discussion/comment/702760#Comment_702760

    Keef keep your posts coming, you make me chuckle.

    Merry Christmas!!

  • Baloo
    Baloo Member Posts: 398
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    I don't have much problem relating to the overwhelming nature of arthritis @Keef but its put me in touch with my feelings and now it has, I don't want that part of me to change. There is this overwhelming sense that feeling productive is never going to happen because of stupid arthritis, but I found thats based on old ideas of whats productive, and now I need new ones.

  • TLee
    TLee Member Posts: 88
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    Oh, yes. Feeling that I was doing all the holiday prep on my own--what really did me in yesterday was one too many times down the stairs to do all the laundry for the guest beds. My hip was screaming, and so was I. My husband was enjoying the start of his vacation by doing nothing at all. Urrrgggghhhh! When he finally came to help bring up the last load, he said, "Why didn't you just ask for help?" Duh! Sometimes thinking I have to do it all must seem a little, um, stupid! Still, I would have thought that my frequent screams of pain WERE a way of asking for help. Happy holidays to everyone, and take care. For me, the hard stuff is done, so I intend to absolutely nothing but sit back and enjoy. And try to stay "not grumpy"!

  • movingslowly
    movingslowly Member Posts: 64
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    This thread made me smile :)

    I love me some grumpy do's

    When it seems like everything kicks off in unison it's equivalent to a form of torture.

    I've found that stoism incites growling "I'm fine !" through gritted teeth at Mr Moving slowly who then reminds me 'there are no medals awarded for bravery' which is a very valid point.

    Irritated and grumpy is where I'm at some days.

    I'm absolutely loving the idea of swearing at my joints (where appropriate) some days I'm that desperate it's got to be worth a try :)

  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,715
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    @Lilymary , you are right. It has been shown that '-proper swearing' as opposed to fake swearing, increases our pain tolerance https://www.keele.ac.uk/research/researchnews/2020/june/traditional-swearing/tolerate-pain.php#:~:text=Keele%20University%20psychologists%20have%20proven,compared%20to%20using%20alternative%20language. (No wonder my pain tolerance is quite good😆)

    @Baloo , I think there's a lot of wisdom in what you write. I have learnt, over many years, to value effort over achievement.

    @TLee , when I first joined here, long, long ago, there was a thread on which many of us confessed to chucking dirty laundry downstairs (rather than carrying it) in one case over a just-arrived visitor😁 When my kids were young I left anything that had to go upstairs at the bottom to be taken next time I needed the loo rather than separate trips. As for husbands - it's called Selective Perception. They must be asked. To be fair, I'd want to be asked too. We are in it together. BUT do pace yourself. Start 'guest prep' about a month in advance. Then use them when they arrive😊

    @movingslowly , I swear at many inanimate objects these days, especially machines that constantly beep at me to tell me they want attention NOW. I tend to be less harsh on my joints, though, as I'm aware I need them. I'm more likely to encourage. "Come on, you can do this", even when I have strong doubts. Sometimes I'm right☺

    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • Trish9556
    Trish9556 Member Posts: 525
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    I love this thread.

    My badge would say in big neon letters "Arthritis Stinks! " I put it on my Facebook story /status when things are at their worst and those that know smile and give hugs. Only virtual ones but makes me smile.

    This thread has also made me realise that I'm not the only person who gets up at stupid o'clock because of pain. It annoys me husband and upsets me when he has a go at me for getting up. He will never understand so I try to ignore him.

    I also swear at everything when I can't do something simple, throw the laundry bag downstairs,I get really cross with rude and inconsiderate people who think I'm going to somersault over them when I'm struggling to move or think that I can move faster...

    Thank you everyone for sharing your grumpiness and making me feel I'm not alone.

    Trish xx

  • CCM
    CCM Member Posts: 113
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    Keef. I think what you seek is a "de-grump" strategy. I try and think when I wake up, not "How's the arthritis today" but whatfjun is there to be had. Distraction is generally accepted as he;ping to cope with pain. Get wholly involved in something else and the effect is amazing.

    CCM

  • Skinny Keef
    Skinny Keef Member Posts: 1,007
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    https://community.versusarthritis.org/discussion/comment/702936#Comment_702936

    Ahh, if only it was that simple.

    I have a very one track mind. No not in that way you dirty lot! I mean that if I get interested in a certain thing then I emerse myself in it at the cost of everything else. Some thing to do with my OCD and maybe I am on the spectrum of having Asperger’s syndrome, who knows. It has served me very well in the past with practicing music. I am currently playing more bass rather than guitar and it fills my mind every waking moment but the arthritis pain stops me from actually physically playing for too long, despite my mind saying “bass bass bass”.

    When I was an adrenaline junkie and was into surfing and skating I looked around my apartment one day and I had 3 surfboards and 9 skateboards and my g/f (now my wife) bought me another one for my birthday which probably has something to do with why I married her, I was diagnosed with OCD some years earlier after some mental health issues lol.

  • Woofy
    Woofy Member Posts: 274
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    https://community.versusarthritis.org/discussion/comment/702947#Comment_702947

    Pain seems to be stopping me Keef, on a bit of a downer this past couple of days.

    wondering if these blessed tablets I am taking will ever kick in. Think I’m going to be doing a fair bit of swearing this week.

  • Skinny Keef
    Skinny Keef Member Posts: 1,007
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    https://community.versusarthritis.org/discussion/comment/702956#Comment_702956

    Pain is certainly a barrier to doing a lot of things. My wife was really pleased when I gave in and got my wheelchair a few weeks back but now I’m finding that is aggravating my back and I feel like I’m letting her down when I say it’s too painful to use some days and I can’t go out.

    just have to take it easy on bad days and put your body first otherwise it will cause more pain in the long run.

  • Trish9556
    Trish9556 Member Posts: 525
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    I wish there was a way of photographing pain so people could see our pain levels.

    My husband doesn't understand pain although he sees me suffer he just tells me to stop being bad tempered and to cheer up.

    Unless you've suffered true pain you cannot understand it.

    Take care, Trish xx

  • N1gel
    N1gel Member Posts: 161
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    Some days - I just imagine I'm flying a big skull and crossbones flag behind me.

    First thing in the morning is worst, just thinking about the day ahead; but if you can bear it, turn the shower to cold for a second or two before you get out (make sure the off switch works first!). Then have a good swear..

    It works for me, the benefits of cold water bathing are well known. Makes you feel you've achieved something, boosts the immune system and is good for your mental health.

  • movingslowly
    movingslowly Member Posts: 64
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    @Woofy have a jolly good swear. Go for gold :)

    know what you mean when you put your faith in the meds and trust the professionals' assurances but alas, the body lets us down (again) How far in to your course are you?

  • Skinny Keef
    Skinny Keef Member Posts: 1,007
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    https://community.versusarthritis.org/discussion/comment/702986#Comment_702986

    Absolutely No Way I could do this.

    I was so bad yesterday after taking my two out for the afternoon as they been cooped up all week with flu, I had the hottest bath I could before crawling onto my camping air bed at 7 pm for the night.

  • Baloo
    Baloo Member Posts: 398
    edited 31. Dec 2022, 13:13
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    My biggest grumble is when the pain stops the tidying up. No point letting the untidiness go on today, it seems better to face the pain barrier and get the tidying up done through all the pain. I wish it was easier but its not going to happen. At least the tidying up is self inflicted pain with a purpose, so maybe that makes it easier to take. I throw in a few Gordon Bennett or similar as we go along. I'm working my way through the junk on the settee and stopped for a sandwich.

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