Why do I do this?
I have noticed something about myself, and I wonder if this will sound familiar to anyone else. I have bone-on-bone OA in my left hip. I thank goodness that this is the only spot giving me problems right now, one reason being that I know I could have THR and very probably feel a whole lot better. I have seen encouraging stories here, and both of my sisters have had their hips done and keep telling me to go for it. I had a rough time over the holidays, trying to do too much on one hand, but also feeling that I was limiting the activities of friends & family because I physically could not take part. I have tried medications, steroid shots & physical therapy, but my doctors have yet to get serious about surgery--one told me that American insurance companies won't approve it unless all other options have been tried. I feel like I have jumped through every hoop, and have an appointment this month during which I intend to push, push, push for the operation.
As that time gets closer, I find that I keep trying to convince myself that maybe I don't need hip replacement. I focus on the times when the pain is NOT actually making me scream. I tell myself that using a cane really does help a lot and maybe I can limp (literally) along with just that. I figure, why fix the hip when it's more than likely that some other problem will crop up. I scare myself with the thought of the pain during recovery. . . and the list of excuses goes on.
I have only had minor medical procedures up to now, but enough to know that I am a huge baby about it & end up feeling very sorry for myself, so I guess it is natural to try and talk myself out of a big operation. I am just so good at it that I have been close to cancelling my appointment at times. Does anyone else play these internal mind games? Have you noticed the phenomenon of feeling better the closer the doctor visit gets? The mind is a powerful (and weird) thing, isn't it!
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