It’s not me. It’s the rest of them

poormary
poormary Member Posts: 3
edited 21. Nov 2024, 15:11 in Living with arthritis

Just out of interest, does anyone else find the attitude of others irritating? I have friends who are so patronising. I have rheumatoid arthritis so some days are worse than others. But most of the time I’m fine. However when I see these friends they put their head on one side, lower their voice, look sad and say”How are you?” It’s hard to explain but you’ll know it if it happens to you. Any ideas of how I can answer them politely?

Comments

  • Nurina
    Nurina Member Posts: 469

    Yes! That's why I'm getting less social. When I go to a birthday party, just Leave me alone! I understand they are worried but just a "How are you? Fine? Good" is enough. They keep asking and asking like with this sad face, patting my shoulder, telling me stories from someone they know who were worse than me, looking at my crutches. Omg. I just want to spend a nice time not thinking about my issues.

  • Eeyore
    Eeyore Member Posts: 29

    It's exasperating, isn't it? I am currently housebound, so stiff I can barely move in the mornings and waiting (and waiting, and waiting) to get a biologic, which I hope will improve things. I have been told it will be at least 4 more weeks, probably longer, before I receive it, but the prescription has been sent to the Hospital Trust for them to take forward. My neighbour knows all this but still asks my husband every day if I'm "better" yet! Have I received the medication yet? Aargh! My husband is a very polite, mild-mannered man but even he is getting a bit niggled….. If my neighbour asked me direct I'm afraid I probably wouldn't be polite! I don't know what the answer is, some people just are that irritating. But most of my friends, while sympathetic, also know not to ask stupid questions, they know I will tell them if I'm feeling better or worse. These are the GOOD friends!! (One has suggested using the "Dark Arts" to get rid of the annoying folk, I think she's been reading too much Harry Potter!)

  • PJoanne
    PJoanne Moderator Posts: 178

    Hello @poormary

    Welcome to the online community, its lovely to have you here with us.

    best Joanne

    Need more help - call our Helpline on 0800 5200 520 Monday to Friday 9am to 6pm

  • creAte
    creAte Member Posts: 24

    Hello @poormary

    One can switch to: watching others living their own shows. That teaches you a lot about present state of many humans. It's a bit like: forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.

    May this bring a smile in your thoughts

  • Crochetgeek1
    Crochetgeek1 Member Posts: 2

    My colleagues stopped me doing certain jobs, without talking to me about it first. This annoyed me, as I just want to get on with my work. I've had to tell them that if I'm having a bad day with pain anywhere, I'll tell them

  • Bryony
    Bryony Member Posts: 23

    It is when they talk to the person you are with, about you, rather than direct to you, that's when it is time for a real put down response! For the most part my friends are fine. Just one, but she is patronising to everyone.

  • distantshores
    distantshores Member Posts: 68

    I agree although it isn't friends but the general public I have a gripe with. I don't have RA but have osteoarthritis of hip. When you get older people in shops and so on tend to talk to you as though you only have half a brain left! I find it intensely irritating to be called "lovely", "darling" or receive "bless" as a response to something I have said. It is patronising/condescending and I have pulled people up about it on a couple of occasions. At 73 I still have all my marbles and am still doing some work!

  • Nurina
    Nurina Member Posts: 469

    I understand people around try to be nice and helpful so I can't really complain. Probably I've done the same many times with others trying to be nice. But…

    They call me "love" at the supermarket.

    When I'm walking, people move 3 exacerbated yards to give more space to walk.

    They give me a condescending when I'm waiting next to them at the traffic lights. That's funny because if they are with crutches too, we smile secretly at each other like "me too".

    Mums tell their children off if they are staring at the crutches and then say "Sorry".

    When one of my friends picks me up with her car, she moves the seat to the back, reclines the backseat and puts massive granny square cushions on the seat so "I'm more comfortable".

  • poormary
    poormary Member Posts: 3

    thanks everyone for some interesting replies. I recognise that people mean well but their way of expressing concern can sometimes be infuriating 🤣🤣
    Recently I had a flare up while visiting these friends and the following week they asked my husband whether I was “back to fighting fitness”. He had to explain the nature of chronic illness to them!

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