abit personal and about grown up stuff!! rated 18!!

suzster

hi, sorry if this is a wrong thing to ask but it's upsetting me and hubby!
since being diagnosed with RA and starting meds (sulpha, mtx, morphine amongst others) my sex drive has gone completally.
is this the meds, me worrying about pain or nothing to do with RA at all?
sorry to ask but i feel so bad for not having any interest when i used to have it.
if this is wrong to ask then i'm really sorry. but it is affecting my life.
thanks
sue aged 34 btw! :oops:

mash65

suzster wrote:

hi, sorry if this is a wrong thing to ask but it's upsetting me and hubby!
since being diagnosed with RA and starting meds (sulpha, mtx, morphine amongst others) my sex drive has gone completally.
is this the meds, me worrying about pain or nothing to do with RA at all?
sorry to ask but i feel so bad for not having any interest when i used to have it.
if this is wrong to ask then i'm really sorry. but it is affecting my life.
thanks
sue aged 34 btw! :oops:

hi,dont know what to say on that 1. have u tried taking time out 4 each other,i.e romantic meal,cosy nights in snuggled up on sofa,i know arthr seems to take over with everything :oops: my o/h has a habit of taking over my side of bed cause he has 2 snuggle up as close as he can then he stays there until i wake & shout at him to move.laid in same postion to long then im stiff & have to get up.even when im really down he trys to give me a cuddle & it hurts. :oops: he's been great though & so far its not affected our relationship.but i do understand were ur coming from.hope some1 has some good advice for u take care deb

purvesrosie

hi sue,
My husband and I are exactly the same, usually i'm to sore and if i'm not he's scared he will hurt me, it's a vicious circle. My only advice I can give you is to talk about it to him and explain you still love him etc. I always make time in a day for hugs and kisses, There's many ways to show your affection. It's such a shame I don't think it's down to meds with me, I think it's just by the end of the day i'm shattered after struggling on with the kids, And in the morning it's me thats stiff lol.
Rosie x

suzster

thanks, i don't know if it because arthur came along a few weeks after i had my youngest at that point i wasn't interested because i'd just had her and so things needed to recover ect.
but now nearly 2 yrs on i just don't have any interest in it at all, which without sounding rude is a complete u-turn for me. i spoke to gp and rhuemy about it and they said it was understandable but that doesn't really help, i just have no interest, i'm not thinking about pain anymore i just seem to have lost my drive.
i guess i'm kind of hoping it's meds as at least that would explain it. sometimes i don't even want hubby to even hug me or anything, which is awful, there is some resentment i think, it's back to the "why me" question i guess.
i love him so much but i know he doesn't totally understand how much arthur effects me as a person and how tiring and painful it is for me.

sorry all, it's just good to be able to talk about things sometimes, without the worry of upsetting my family.
maybe another chat with gp is needed? i just don't want to be sent for counciling again as i found that uncomfortable and no help at all.

oh well, i best go and snuggle up in bed, it's cold tonight and i can feel my joints begining to ache. mtx tonight so probably won't be on here much tommorrow!
bye for now
sue x

mash65

suzster wrote:

thanks, i don't know if it because arthur came along a few weeks after i had my youngest at that point i wasn't interested because i'd just had her and so things needed to recover ect.
but now nearly 2 yrs on i just don't have any interest in it at all, which without sounding rude is a complete u-turn for me. i spoke to gp and rhuemy about it and they said it was understandable but that doesn't really help, i just have no interest, i'm not thinking about pain anymore i just seem to have lost my drive.
i guess i'm kind of hoping it's meds as at least that would explain it. sometimes i don't even want hubby to even hug me or anything, which is awful, there is some resentment i think, it's back to the "why me" question i guess.
i love him so much but i know he doesn't totally understand how much arthur effects me as a person and how tiring and painful it is for me.

sorry all, it's just good to be able to talk about things sometimes, without the worry of upsetting my family.
maybe another chat with gp is needed? i just don't want to be sent for counciling again as i found that uncomfortable and no help at all.

oh well, i best go and snuggle up in bed, it's cold tonight and i can feel my joints begining to ache. mtx tonight so probably won't be on here much tommorrow!
bye for now
sue x

hi , im here again,i had 1st kid @ 23yrs.she was c-section & a screamer.put me on antideps.turned out she was hypoactive.had 2nd,she was brilliant baby,never woke.then i got told i had cervical cancer[ youngest was 18 months]felt like my life was taken away from me.had hyso/my sex life was never gonna b the same.it wasnt ever cause it never would be with my demanding[now ex husband] my partner now of 4 yrs is great,no demands,loads of painful cuddles & tears.but just to now he understands,he says so sex aint everything babe ,means so much & we both now that its not important,just nice when u can.[ were gonna get banned from this forum soz but i do think it effects each & every1 of us] :oops: being friends is the biggest part of any relationship talk & listenx deb

katekelly

Hey Sue,
I so know where you are coming frm (sorry no pun intended!!). We went through Bad Times as I refer to them. After lots of talking and crying and frustration we are finally through the other side.
As for the worry of pain I take painkillers half hour before which help. The spontanity has to some extent gone but then if you are "planning" it you can be a bit "creative" and dare I say"naughty" :oops: :oops: :shock:
The thing is though although it can be embarrassing to talk about even with your nearest and dearest it has to be done. It is the only way to let each other know your hopes and fears. With a bit of work (and even with the best will in the world it can be "work") it can get better again. Maybe not the same as before but better in a different way.
Good luck
Kate

mrsdalloway

Hi Suze I was diagnosed 13 years ago when my first daughter was born. Along with a baby that didn't sleep I have PND, raging arthritis, had given up my job to be an earth mother and ended up rocking back and to in a corner! It is hard to keep a relationship going really hard sometimes. We are constantly bombarded with messages that happy marriages just happen, I wish. We get through it by talking, sometimes I am so tired I just want to sleep and the last thought going through my mind is making an effort. However, what we have learned over our 20 years is to keep talking and let him know even though your not 'in the mood' that you still love him. I think laughing is the key as well things have definitely changed for us as sometimes he cannot tell if the moaning and groaning is good or pain but as someone else has said being friends is important and understanding.

lindalegs

Nothing constructive to say really apart from the same as others have said that talking about how you feel, cuddles and romance are very important.

I think it's very unfortunate that most men feel the greatest desire for sex first thing in the morning when we arthritics are in pain - I suppose you could say we're both feeling 'stiff' but in different ways :shock: :oops: :oops:

Luv Legs

scorpiojackie

Hi Sue & everyone,

You are not alone with this I'm sure. As has been said, side effects from meds can play their part, along with just living with our conditions... it is all so draining, day by day. Its hardly surprising that our sexual relationships get push to the side, so to speak.
Sometimes, I think it is also easy to just get into a pattern of doing without.

I do feel for you Sue, I hate the fact that for me, it is something else that this blasted arthritis has affected. I totally agree that , as with everything else... communication is the key in finding something that works for you & hubby. Try not to think of how you were in your past, but more of a 'new start' to your relationship. Talking, cuddling and finding new ways of closeness... a New beginning is possible


By the way, I think this is a good topic. Something that is not really catered for. It is a subject that must affect many but is seldom addressed (so good on you Sue, for being brave enough to bring it up) I have only seen a couple of booklets that address this subject and they don't really hit the spot! lol.
Maybe in the past, when Arthritis was only thought of as an 'elderly' disease, it was assumed that sexual relationships didn't matter! When the fact is, it is far from the truth.

I think there is a great need to be able to access more discussion & advice on the subject. Like all other info on Arthritis, it can help us when our life changes. Helps us with the adaptions that we have to make in our lives. Because we know, that all of our 'needs' both mentally & physically are challenged... and its good to know that we are not alone, with our difficulties.

Jackie

suzster

maybe our o/t could rig something up? i have grab rails for bathroom needs, maybe i need a hoist to take the strain to lol!
i'm glad this has given us all a chance to talk, like you say it's something that people don't talk aboutm i was worrying you throw me out the forum for being rude, i'm glad you didn't cause it would of hurt!!
anyway, thanks for all your replies, it does (it's been said before i know!) make you feel better to not be alone!
my hubby is a last thing at night kinda man, thats the time i take my meds (including amitriptyline) and fall fast asleep, so maybe i'll need to rethink that?
i'm not blushing so much now, so thank you all for replying!
sue

mrsdalloway

suzster wrote:

maybe our o/t could rig something up? i have grab rails for bathroom needs, maybe i need a hoist to take the strain to lol!
sue

Ooh you read my mind!

claregood1

Hi, Just to say what a relief to see someone else having the same problems. I didn't know it was a side affect of the mxt, but that could explain a lot because even when I'm not in so much pain or too tired I've still got no interest, which my OH finds very disapointing (to say the least!!!). And like you I can't even bare cuddles sometimes. It's such an important subject, thankyou for bringing it up. Sadly I've got no answer, other than showing my OH all these posts - he might then know he's not alone either!
Clare

roczko

Can I echo what's been said from a male perspective?

Loss of libido is distressing for me but even holding hands can be a killer (from a passion point of view).

My OH tries says he understands but then that hug or affectionate arm round the neck Ouch.

And you're right what you say about mornings :oops:

It is an important subject and I'm glad you brought it up.

All the best.

Patrick

miaswe

suzster wrote:

hi, sorry if this is a wrong thing to ask but it's upsetting me and hubby!
since being diagnosed with RA and starting meds (sulpha, mtx, morphine amongst others) my sex drive has gone completally.
is this the meds, me worrying about pain or nothing to do with RA at all?
sorry to ask but i feel so bad for not having any interest when i used to have it.
if this is wrong to ask then i'm really sorry. but it is affecting my life.
thanks
sue aged 34 btw! :oops:

Very interesting to read all the posts and funny!! I think the answer is lots of hugs and reassurance that everything will be ok, and while it helps to talk we all know men are'nt too good at dealing with their feelings so keep on cuddling or as we say here in Wales cwtching!!!!

marief

scottishlass wrote:

Hiya Suzter,I dunno if this is gonna make you feel better or worse,but loss of libido is a recognised side effect of methotrexate. x

I agree and also if you come of methotrexate it takes up to 6 years to get out of your systerm, I've been of mine for about 4 years and still have a low libido i spoke to my rhum nurse she said its a comon thing and is due to a low selfsterm and all the med that I'm on , she said to go to a health food shop and see if they have any natural libido supplyments .see your doctor and make sure they are fine with your other meds.

ktl297

Hi All,
This is a really good topic because I think there's so many aspects to this. I try to talk about it to my hubby and we try different ways depending on how I'm feeling. Sometimes I have a nice bath first to relax aching bits or hubby gives me a gentle massage. One of the big issues for me is telling him I can't do something without mentioning arthur - it's a big turn off if I start thinking about arthur and my limitations.

Thanks for sharing all this everyone - someone said it's something a bit ignored and I agree - not sure I could talk to my Rheum Nurse like this!

KT

suzster

i tried mentioning it to my rhuemy nurse i said that i have only been married 3 yrs (well 3 yrs on 26th of this month!) and how arthur had stolen my libido but instead of advice or understanding she told me that she's getting married soon, then she told all about her honeymoon and where they are going for it, didn't really help me!!
you lot are much more understanding and helpful.

suziev

suzster wrote:

i tried mentioning it to my rhuemy nurse i said that i have only been married 3 yrs (well 3 yrs on 26th of this month!) and how arthur had stolen my libido but instead of advice or understanding she told me that she's getting married soon, then she told all about her honeymoon and where they are going for it, didn't really help me!!
you lot are much more understanding and helpful.

well done for starting this topic.
so the rhemy nurse was no good then!
i have to say that just having kids doesn't help your sex life anyway, and when me and hubby do get some 'special' time together, it's always scheduled between one kid been at play group and the other been asleep, it's also mainly mid morning when hubby is around to help sort the kids on the morning, so am not tried but i pay for it later with ache hips. :roll:
the other thing i wanted to say is the 'if you don't use it, you lose it' approach, i do think it's more then likely that your meds have taken your drive, but when my hubby worked away for weeks at a time, when he come back he was mad keen and i could take it or leave it.
don't lose hope and if you don't mind me saying have you look down the back of the sofa
suzie

suzster

lol, i am having a good clean up today as ellie has gone back to school after half term, so far it's not in the kitchen, although my new microwave is, i'm excited because i can warm my wheaty bag up, well if i new how to use the microwave i could!!!
it's more complicated thatn my old one, so i'm having to read instructions, which i never really bother with (apart from to put things together)!!
i'm going to hoover the lounge now so i'll check the sofa, if it's there then all good if not then i'll have to check other rooms!
i just hope it hasn't found it's way into ellies 'den' i just opened the door to see if there was any floor to hoover and it's a tip!! it's only a small box room but she has managed to fill every inch of space with her stuff, if i'm not back on the forum later then maybe a search pary is required, thinking about it maybe a search party could find my libido? should i call land and sea rescue?

sharonjax

so pleased you brought this up. I too have lost all interest. So tired all the time so sleep really is my top prioroty. I'm sero-neg so taking diclofenic and tramadol so don't think it's the medication in my case. 39 and past it, who knew?! Sharon x

anniethe1st

l just had to say ,how great it is for those who need to for the subject of sex to be mentioned,it is an important part of life and relationship s,it does help if your other half will sit and listen,im on a few meds all with side affects so its no suprize my sex drive has gone on hols somewhere,l feel void of any sexual feelings sometimes and am more than happy to sit in bed watching tv ,so its a two way street l try and understand how hubby must be feeling,l dont know what the answer is but im glad l do have a very understanding hubby.
Ann

Wonkylegs

Sharonjax - 39 & past it????????????? NEVER!!!!!!!

we are just taking the 'interesting route' through life and at least we have plenty to talk about :roll: :roll: :roll:

It has been a great comfort reading everyone's posts on here and realising that I am 'normal' yet again!

I think this forum is great because people are so honest and so helpful, so thanks all.

scorpiojackie

Hi all,

This week I have been having a lot of problems with numb fingers & hands during the day, due to carpal tunnel. My physio suggested that I wear my splints over night, to rest the joints which does help but...
I couldn't stop thinking about this thread and laughed my head off.
We not only have to suffer a loss of libido... but the choice of equipment :shock: doesn't help either! lol Maybe Ann summers does a line in black

Jackie's number one tip on the subject... dont lose you sense of humour!! x

lindalegs

scorpiojackie wrote:

Hi all,

This week I have been having a lot of problems with numb fingers & hands during the day, due to carpal tunnel. My physio suggested that I wear my splints over night, to rest the joints which does help but...
I couldn't stop thinking about this thread and laughed my head off.
We not only have to suffer a loss of libido... but the choice of equipment :shock: doesn't help either! lol Maybe Ann summers does a line in black

Jackie's number one tip on the subject... dont lose you sense of humour!! x

What about red PVC effect with lacy edging and matching knickers? :shock:

Luv Legs

michelle22

I thought that it was only me that was like this I tend to wait for a good day and then have it but they are very few and far between lol I am having a good time just now and I don't want sex cause I know for a fact I will be in agony after it back on crutches for days after it and on full pain meds so O/H said to me lets go for it well I said no I don't want to have sex as I want this good feeling to stay for a little while longer am I being bad for that NO I'm not it is so nice to be normal for a change.

I just take everyday as it comes and I wish the OT could do somthing for us the Phyiso gave me a booklet about releationships and I did read it but it didn't help that I couldn't use the position's shown but it is worth a try I was still sore after it lol.

I just hope that all OH can understand it from our side if they had to put up with all that we do I don't think that they would even dream of sex never mind asking to have it

mash65

michelle22 wrote:

I thought that it was only me that was like this I tend to wait for a good day and then have it but they are very few and far between lol I am having a good time just now and I don't want sex cause I know for a fact I will be in agony after it back on crutches for days after it and on full pain meds so O/H said to me lets go for it well I said no I don't want to have sex as I want this good feeling to stay for a little while longer am I being bad for that NO I'm not it is so nice to be normal for a change.

I just take everyday as it comes and I wish the OT could do somthing for us the Phyiso gave me a booklet about releationships and I did read it but it didn't help that I couldn't use the position's shown but it is worth a try I was still sore after it lol.

I just hope that all OH can understand it from our side if they had to put up with all that we do I don't think that they would even dream of sex never mind asking to have it

hi legs, u could go into business with that idea debs