Working Mother

magenta

Hello all,
I work 4 days a week and have Wednesdays off. My husband condenses his 37hr week into 4 days and has Fridays off. This means we get to take our eldest to school 2 days a week. This morning I was talking to 'earth mother' and boy did she make me feel angry. I work for a number of reasons but the main one is, I have to!!!!! We couldn't afford to live on one salary and I dread the time coming that I may have to give up my job. She has 3 kids, one at school, other about 3 and a newborn. I know this will be hard for her but she was really horrible to me. She was talking about her 3yr old about to start nursery and I said both my kids have been in nursery since they were 5mths old. Her reply was "I think that's awful :x If you have kids you need to be able to look after them". When I said I worked she couldn't believe it! If you have kids, you should stay at home. "If I worked, who would do the cleaning, shopping, feeding kids etc" and I just thought-wait a minute, I do ALL of that AND hold down a job AND have arthritis :x I know she could have something wrong with her but she's the kind of person who would tell you if she suffered from something!
My wee boy started to cry cos his hands were sore-they were cold and he couldn't understand this. I knew this but what can I do if I can't find gloves and even if I could, trying to get them on him would be a task and a half! She told me "I think your little boy is trying to tell you his hands are cold-you should have gloves on him" OOOOOh, I'm so effing angry! I was so stunned that I couldn't say anything (also I'm too nice a person to tell her to F off!) Sorry for going on but I've got it out my system
Magenta x

livinglegend

magenta wrote:

"I think that's awful :x If you have kids you need to be able to look after them". When I said I worked she couldn't believe it! If you have kids, you should stay at home. "If I worked, who would do the cleaning, shopping, feeding kids etc" and I just thought-wait a minute, I do ALL of that AND hold down a job AND have arthritis Magenta x

What a Victorian attitude she has. I think you do a good thing, running a home, working, and all the rest. At some time in the future you will look back and say to yourself, "I am proud of what I have done with my life, when it would have been so easy to just give up". You get two 8) 8) for what you do.

Joseph 8)

mmarshall

Hi Magenta
You deserve a medal keeping down a job, running the home, looking after the kids and YOU HAVE ARTHRITIS.
The lady you were speaking to is living in LA LA land, does'nt she understand that most if not all working mothers work because they have to not because the feel like it.
I have always worked and never felt that it did my children any harm, what it did do was give them the things they wanted and nice holidays every year.
I have two lovely children who are now grown up and have children of their own and yes they also work for the same reason as we all do they need the money.
You should be proud of yourself, I am proud of you because I don't know how I would have coped if I had arthritis when my kids were young.
Sending you a big hug
Mary

katekelly

Hiya,

if she 'starts' again just calmly ask her if she would like to 'walk in your shoes' for a week. If she asks why just say that you would love to be able to swap for no other reason you than you would be pain free.

Try not to let her get under your skin -YOU are a better person than she ever will be. You are a good Mum and superb role model for your children. What better lesson to show them than by being gracious to her -you are above snide remarks and petty mindedness. She is so judgemental and I feel that if she feels that she has the right to comment on your life she must be very dissatisfied with her own.

I'm actually starting to feel a bit sorry for her!!!!

Keep strong

Love Kate xx

paddythedaddy

Magenta, you were incredibly restrained with this sorry specimen of humanity. In your place, I'm sure I would have let fly with a verbal volley and I would also have been sorely tempted to take my stick to the idiot.

How do these people live with themselves? Ooh, I'm all het up now.

woodbon

Hi, I read in the Times that children who go to nursery as babies, are better adjusted, socialize more and have a higher IQ. Try telling her that. By the way I don't have kids, could'nt unfortunatly, but I worked as a nanny for 4 years for a friend. The eldist daughter is just qualifing as a medical physcologist and the younger one is a social worker, working in a young offenders institute. The eldest has travelled the world working her way, before Uni, but they are both very close to their Mum and Dad and the youngest lives at home - she came back after college!! Try telling her that her kids risk being held back by her - but I suppose thats childish!! Love Sue PS this makes me sound VERY OLD I'm only 53.

petmad

I take my hat off to you, I don't have any children and have difficulty managing my pets. Sometimes when people like this woman make such comments it is because they are jealous that you can manage everything and perhaps she can't.
You just give yourself a pat on the back and the next time you see her just sweep past with an airy attitude and big smile (even if you feel like crying.

redpoppy

hi magenta.you choose to live how you do because it suits you and your family.this woman should mind her own buisness and shudnt put her veiws on you.anyone who as arthritis knows the struggles without having to juggle children,work and run a house.she maybe wont be the perfect mother she makes out to be.so dont worry your doing great.i applaud you.

magenta

Thanks to everyone for your kind words-I've always thought I'm doing the best I can for my family but why do some people think it's okay to try and shove their opinions onto a complete stranger?! It was a stupid comment from a blinkered woman! I know there are mums out there that don't work for whatever reason but I just want to get on with my day without being judged by complete strangers. Thanks again to you all

colinone

magenta wrote:

Hello all,
I work 4 days a week and have Wednesdays off. My husband condenses his 37hr week into 4 days and has Fridays off. This means we get to take our eldest to school 2 days a week. This morning I was talking to 'earth mother' and boy did she make me feel angry. I work for a number of reasons but the main one is, I have to!!!!! We couldn't afford to live on one salary and I dread the time coming that I may have to give up my job. She has 3 kids, one at school, other about 3 and a newborn. I know this will be hard for her but she was really horrible to me. She was talking about her 3yr old about to start nursery and I said both my kids have been in nursery since they were 5mths old. Her reply was "I think that's awful :x If you have kids you need to be able to look after them". When I said I worked she couldn't believe it! If you have kids, you should stay at home. "If I worked, who would do the cleaning, shopping, feeding kids etc" and I just thought-wait a minute, I do ALL of that AND hold down a job AND have arthritis :x I know she could have something wrong with her but she's the kind of person who would tell you if she suffered from something!
My wee boy started to cry cos his hands were sore-they were cold and he couldn't understand this. I knew this but what can I do if I can't find gloves and even if I could, trying to get them on him would be a task and a half! She told me "I think your little boy is trying to tell you his hands are cold-you should have gloves on him" OOOOOh, I'm so effing angry! I was so stunned that I couldn't say anything (also I'm too nice a person to tell her to F off!) Sorry for going on but I've got it out my system
Magenta x

Hi Magenta anyone who goes to work suffering with arthritis is a hero, i put up with working for years and eventually had to pack in.
It doesent matter what walk of life you are in there is always a know it all you meet them all the time. I feel so sorry for you mothers working running a family and doing what you can to get by
Well done to you.
Collin

woodbon

colinone wrote:

magenta wrote:

Hello all,
I work 4 days a week and have Wednesdays off. My husband condenses his 37hr week into 4 days and has Fridays off. This means we get to take our eldest to school 2 days a week. This morning I was talking to 'earth mother' and boy did she make me feel angry. I work for a number of reasons but the main one is, I have to!!!!! We couldn't afford to live on one salary and I dread the time coming that I may have to give up my job. She has 3 kids, one at school, other about 3 and a newborn. I know this will be hard for her but she was really horrible to me. She was talking about her 3yr old about to start nursery and I said both my kids have been in nursery since they were 5mths old. Her reply was "I think that's awful :x If you have kids you need to be able to look after them". When I said I worked she couldn't believe it! If you have kids, you should stay at home. "If I worked, who would do the cleaning, shopping, feeding kids etc" and I just thought-wait a minute, I do ALL of that AND hold down a job AND have arthritis :x I know she could have something wrong with her but she's the kind of person who would tell you if she suffered from something!
My wee boy started to cry cos his hands were sore-they were cold and he couldn't understand this. I knew this but what can I do if I can't find gloves and even if I could, trying to get them on him would be a task and a half! She told me "I think your little boy is trying to tell you his hands are cold-you should have gloves on him" OOOOOh, I'm so effing angry! I was so stunned that I couldn't say anything (also I'm too nice a person to tell her to F off!) Sorry for going on but I've got it out my system
Magenta x

Hi Magenta anyone who goes to work suffering with arthritis is a hero, i put up with working for years and eventually had to pack in.
It doesent matter what walk of life you are in there is always a know it all you meet them all the time. I feel so sorry for you mothers working running a family and doing what you can to get by
Well done to you.
Collin

Hil, I wonder if shes at home feeling bored and is resentful that you manage to have a life outside of home and children and her remarks are a nasty form of jelousy by trying to put you down? Horrible woman. Sue

magenta

Hello again!
I'm really touched by all your messages.
Thank you,
Magenta xx