How are illness effect our partners

colinone

I was thinking about my wife and the stuff she puts up with from me I think all partners deserve medals for what they do and the suffering and sacrifices they make for the partner who is ill. They suffer often in silence for the sake of us and give up so much themselves to make our life that little bit better. I got to thinking she must suffer as much as I do if not more, she feels for me because she loves me, I know she would willingly swap places with me to ease my pain and suffering. I know although we don’t talk about it many of you must feel the same. I’m doing a list of things that my wife puts up with yet remains so supportive please add to the list and lets hear it for the partners.
Change of life style, mood swings, moaning and groaning I hate it when I moan and forget I’m doing it, change of roles about the house, has she become the breadwinner , sleepless nights, trip after to trip to the hospital, oh and she is now my driver, Change in sex life, not only is she the driver she is now the Gardner.
Colin

jenzie06

My partner is an absolute star. He puts up with so much and all he says when I say how great he is is how I have to put up with him! He has to put up with me being extremely restless at night time, getting every illness going as my immune system is pants and he sometimes has to help me dress. He pushes my wheelchair without being asked and just takes it all in his stride. I think the best things are when he does the little things like opening jars without even thinking about it.
He deserves a medal too.

lindalegs

My husband too is absolutely marvellous - he has done every conceivable caring job for me at one time or another - a trained nurse could not have done more. He and my sons help on a daily basis and I am so grateful to them.

The thing that makes me feel so guilty and saddens me so much is that I, unintentionally, stop him from doing some of the things that he is very physically able to do. Going on walking holidays together, swimming in the sea, skiing, ten pin bowling, etc the list is endless, and yes he can do these things with friends but he says he doesn't want to he only wants to do them with me This is my main frustration with this disease :x

My Mum once told me how lucky I was to have him and said that 'many a man would have left me' - I was very upset and anygry with her at the time but, y'know, I think she was right

Luv Legs

woodbon

My husbands fantastic, he cooks the evening meal most nights as I'm tired and puts up with me when I get short tempered and snap at him if he forgets something, I don't mean to it just happens. I moan and go over the problems of the day as soon as he gets in sometimes. I feel very lucky, in fact I don't often appriciate how lucky I am. Sue xx

eugeneg

colinone wrote:

I was thinking about my wife and the stuff she puts up with from me I think all partners deserve medals for what they do and the suffering and sacrifices they make for the partner who is ill. They suffer often in silence for the sake of us and give up so much themselves to make our life that little bit better. I got to thinking she must suffer as much as I do if not more, she feels for me because she loves me, I know she would willingly swap places with me to ease my pain and suffering. I know although we don’t talk about it many of you must feel the same. I’m doing a list of things that my wife puts up with yet remains so supportive please add to the list and lets hear it for the partners.
Change of life style, mood swings, moaning and groaning I hate it when I moan and forget I’m doing it, change of roles about the house, has she become the breadwinner , sleepless nights, trip after to trip to the hospital, oh and she is now my driver, Change in sex life, not only is she the driver she is now the Gardner.
Colin

Hi Colin,

Me and my wife were only married 4 months when I started suffering from all of my problems, and she was only just pregnant with our daughter when I was diagnosed. Since then there have been many ups and downs, and in between being off meds for one reason and another child number 2 (my Son). When I'm able/when I've been able I do what I can. My wife says I do more than I should by still being the main provider and holding down a full-time job. It still doesn't make me feel any better when I'm in so much pain I can't get down on the floor to play with the kids, or I'm so exhausted to tidy up, somethims I feel hopeless as she runs around doing everything! Without her I am lost and I remind her of that every day, she tells me that if she could take the pain away she would. She doesn't realise she already does by just being there.

Eugene.

redpoppy

eugeneg wrote:

colinone wrote:

I was thinking about my wife and the stuff she puts up with from me I think all partners deserve medals for what they do and the suffering and sacrifices they make for the partner who is ill. They suffer often in silence for the sake of us and give up so much themselves to make our life that little bit better. I got to thinking she must suffer as much as I do if not more, she feels for me because she loves me, I know she would willingly swap places with me to ease my pain and suffering. I know although we don’t talk about it many of you must feel the same. I’m doing a list of things that my wife puts up with yet remains so supportive please add to the list and lets hear it for the partners.
Change of life style, mood swings, moaning and groaning I hate it when I moan and forget I’m doing it, change of roles about the house, has she become the breadwinner , sleepless nights, trip after to trip to the hospital, oh and she is now my driver, Change in sex life, not only is she the driver she is now the Gardner.
Colin

Hi Colin,

Me and my wife were only married 4 months when I started suffering from all of my problems, and she was only just pregnant with our daughter when I was diagnosed. Since then there have been many ups and downs, and in between being off meds for one reason and another child number 2 (my Son). When I'm able/when I've been able I do what I can. My wife says I do more than I should by still being the main provider and holding down a full-time job. It still doesn't make me feel any better when I'm in so much pain I can't get down on the floor to play with the kids, or I'm so exhausted to tidy up, somethims I feel hopeless as she runs around doing everything! Without her I am lost and I remind her of that every day, she tells me that if she could take the pain away she would. She doesn't realise she already does by just being there.

Eugene.

hi eugene its so nice what you said about your wife it brought tears to my eyes.

jaspercat

Hi Colin, my hubbie is the only one I could ever want, he does all he can to help me including most of the housework and cooking, he does all this despite being ill himself, he is epileptic so in a way we care for each other. I couldn't cope without him and don't want too, I love him to pieces and know he feels the same about me love jaspercatxxx

colinone

jaspercat wrote:

Hi Colin, my hubbie is the only one I could ever want, he does all he can to help me including most of the housework and cooking, he does all this despite being ill himself, he is epileptic so in a way we care for each other. I couldn't cope without him and don't want too, I love him to pieces and know he feels the same about me love jaspercatxxx

I think its great that we appreciate our partners so much, it is so easy to take them for granted on a daily basis. All those little things she does that go un said and un noticed mean so much. If I where the person in chage of medals all partners would get one. I know it may sound strange but my wife has even brought me flowers, she fusses about me all day like I’m one of her children lol but she is great. She drove to the hospital today for my MTX injection first thing I done was moan about her driving I just can’t help it. We have these big bust ups up over nothing and five minutes later its like it never happened. I have so much to thank her for .
Colin

Wonkylegs

what a super thread Colin - thanks for reminding us of just how much our other halves do for use without us often fully appreciating them for doing it.

I know that I have found over the years that there are numerous ways that my hubby adapts our lives that we don't even notice until I am without him, and something doesn't happen.

For instance, on the rare occasions when we go out for a meal, he'll look for a table with chairs that have arms, or for a chair which has a window sill near it , or a fixed point that I can use to haul myself up with!

If we are doing some sorting out he will automitically put any boxes on a chair, or a table, rather than on the floor.

His arm will always be there before I realise that I need it, when I am getting up after sitting for a long while, or for going down stairs with no handrail, or to haul me up fromt he communion rail in church.

All these things sound so trivial, but mean so much of life can look and feel more 'normal' for us both.

I dont' say it often enough to him, so I'll put it in print how much all these small things are appreciated.

Just one final point - friends are as appreciated in similar ways.

chris101

It was lovely to read how caring all your partners are. Unfortunately, I don't think mine has accepted yet that I have this horrible disease. He acts as if nothing has changed. In some ways this is good - I might feel even worse if he was fussing over me all the time! But just sometimes, when the pain gets too much, I'd love for him to put his arm around me and just hold me tight. He wouldn't have to even say anything. I think that he doesn't know how to deal with it. He's such a practical person and I think he's stuck 'cos there's no way he can fix this for me. Maybe he just needs some more time to come to terms with it. I feel a bit bad posting this when all the other posts are so positive, but then again there may be others out there with partners like mine. Just goes to show that they sometimes need help too.

colinone

Wonkylegs wrote:

what a super thread Colin - thanks for reminding us of just how much our other halves do for use without us often fully appreciating them for doing it.

I know that I have found over the years that there are numerous ways that my hubby adapts our lives that we don't even notice until I am without him, and something doesn't happen.

For instance, on the rare occasions when we go out for a meal, he'll look for a table with chairs that have arms, or for a chair which has a window sill near it , or a fixed point that I can use to haul myself up with!

If we are doing some sorting out he will automitically put any boxes on a chair, or a table, rather than on the floor.

His arm will always be there before I realise that I need it, when I am getting up after sitting for a long while, or for going down stairs with no handrail, or to haul me up fromt he communion rail in church.

All these things sound so trivial, but mean so much of life can look and feel more 'normal' for us both.

I dont' say it often enough to him, so I'll put it in print how much all these small things are appreciated.

Just one final point - friends are as appreciated in similar ways.

Hi wonkylegs, yes indeed friends are so important and the good friends that stand by you through these bad times are scarce but i do have one or two. I think i will do the same as you great idea to put it in print. I thank her all the time and tell her i love her all the time. But now i will tell her all the little things that mean so much.
Colin

frogmorton

chris101 wrote:

It was lovely to read how caring all your partners are. Unfortunately, I don't think mine has accepted yet that I have this horrible disease. He acts as if nothing has changed. In some ways this is good - I might feel even worse if he was fussing over me all the time! But just sometimes, when the pain gets too much, I'd love for him to put his arm around me and just hold me tight. He wouldn't have to even say anything. I think that he doesn't know how to deal with it. He's such a practical person and I think he's stuck 'cos there's no way he can fix this for me. Maybe he just needs some more time to come to terms with it. I feel a bit bad posting this when all the other posts are so positive, but then again there may be others out there with partners like mine. Just goes to show that they sometimes need help too.

Hi Chris
There are lots will hubbies like yours. Mine is a bit - he would like to bury his head in the sand I reckon If not he would like to 'pay for it to be put right' which isn't possible!!! I think that over time mine and hopfully yours will realise that this thing is here to stay and do more for us too. This only happened to me at the end of May and at the moment I 'look' pretty good!!!
I bet yours is like mine in that he's ok, he loves you, he will help if asked, but he doesn't really want to talk about it. Mine is a problem solver - not a talker!!
take care
Toni xx

bluefish

Hi Colin

Thanks for posting this topic, Im 31 had RA for 18 years and been with my partner for 10 years. He has always been amazing and so patient, kind and loving. Thinking of me and what im able to do and all the little ways he helps are second nature to him now, but that doesnt detract from how much effort he always makes. Its nice to have soemwhere i can say how much i appreciate him he is WONDERFUL!!!!!!! xx

bertyboy

totaly agree my hubby does more for me than i realise and some times he realises only bloke i known that can be asleep in a min in early hours after rubbing legs or making a cupper and probably do it again couple of hours later love him..xx{may}

chris101

Hi Toni. Just to say thanks for your reply. Yes, he is a typical ostrich! You're probably right as, like you, I have only recently been diagnosed. I am probably asking a bit much to expect him to have taken all this in when I still can't get my own head around it! Chris..x

colinone

chris101 wrote:

Hi Toni. Just to say thanks for your reply. Yes, he is a typical ostrich! You're probably right as, like you, I have only recently been diagnosed. I am probably asking a bit much to expect him to have taken all this in when I still can't get my own head around it! Chris..x

Hi guys its been really great reading the posts thank you. Chris i think it goes without saying that woman are better at coping you only have to look at us guys when we have the flu. I hate dealing with sick people oh you make the effort for the wife when she's not well but this is one hell of a thing to cope with and i'm not sure i could be as caring as my wife. I'm more into support from a distance lol and i know how it feels to want to bury your head in the sand but this really has been a wake up call for me. My daughter has Lupus i pray to god she doesent get worse than she is but for some reason i dont think i would have a problem if the need came and i had to look after her.
Colin

vickid

I don't think I can even put into word how much he does for me even during the times I know I'm being completely awful. He's my rock and my world.