Do people who don't understand, call you lazy

katekelly

I used to get upset when elderly relatives would say "You can't possibly know the pain!". Now I'm a few years older I no longer keep my mouth shut but quietly and firmly answer "Well actually I do!" That usually is enough to shut them up!!

oneday

Yes is the answer!!
Ive heard stuff said about me at work by colleagues and collegues whove had cancer so you would think if they have suffered they may be more understanding but no..so i told my manager its illegal (disability discrimination)to hear those comments and manger knew its illegal. Dont know if anything was said to the idiot or not....but I did once say to them i.e the idiot whats it got to dowith you what work i can and cant do...they seem to think they had a right into my business..........suppose you cant change some people.........if Jesus couldnt do it.....i.e. make people live better lives there isnt much hope for us.......ignore the idiots or depending on what mood youre in (angry is best ) tell them straight whats its like!!! rant over will just gently get down off my soap box.

sarahrockfan

Hi Alanmancunian,
I've had the remark of 'my bad back which i had for two weeks is far more painful than your arthritis'. To which i replied i had a bad back before which made me bent over for well over a week and i still would rather have pain for a couple of weeks then constant pain for the rest of my life!
I would like to say that my comment stopped this person in her tracks but it didn't she started to argue. :x
I think basically people don't understand until they have to go through it themselves. :x
I try to ignore comments now but if provoked i may get quite blunt.
The only piece of advice i have is try to ignore them which is easier said than done.
Anyway i hope you're feeling okay and your ankles are better.
Take care
Sarah x

woodbon

I have'nt heard anyone say anything, but it would'nt surprise me. I worry that people will see me and think that I'm just 'swinging the lead'. I often wish that I had a badge to wear, or a wooden leg. or something. I know, in the past, I have certainly thought things about people who've been off work long-term, and now I feel really guilty :oops: Life has paid me back, maybe people who are saying these things will one day have cause to regret it :!: TRY not to let the b........ get you down :!: Sue

tamnwill

I too get really upset when folk say I am always tired or ill !!!! i am !!!!! but it isn't my fault! I try and throw it back by saying, "how nice it must be to feel as well as you obviously do, fancy swapping bodies?" and they look a little embarrissed, which probably makes them think twice before sayig it again. Failing that I just simply say, "that hurts when you say that, I 'd love to be without this condition, I didn't choose it you know!"
Think positive tho, don't let em get you down, )
fellow tired illy, Tam )

alanmancunian wrote:

Someone who I thought was a friend blurted out that he thought I was lazy.
I was a bit shocked at first, then I thought it showed that people just don't understand what this condition does to you.
They just don't get it, when 60% of your joints are in a mess, its difficult to explain to people how you get through any given 24 hrs.
The last 2 years have been the worst, with my joints deteriorating
big time.
I found that comment a bit hurtful, and will never view people in the same light again, I will certainly never take what people say to me at face value, they could be saying allkinds of stuff behind your back.
Has anyone on here ever had any hurtful, spiteful comments said to them. Alanmancunian

mouseymousey

From time to time someone will say 'oh if you did this or that' usually involving masses of exercise, you would feel so much better. I find it easier to just agree.
My OH used to say some of it too, then he got arthritis (its gone a bit quiter now).

purvesrosie

I get this comment all the time and it drives me mad. Family and so called friends often say i'm lazy for having two naps in a day when my little boy does. " when my kids were young i'd get all the housework done when they where napping not sit on my backside looking at it" that was a quote from my wonderful mother in law! I think because i'm 23 they think you automatically have energy regardless and it's rubbish. RA is really horrible and on top of that i'm very anemic which makes me want to sleep constantly. But you know what? i'm proud of myself for keeping a home, looking after a 4yr old and 18mth old and having a happy marriage. Everyone says just ignore them but it's soooo hard to. And breath ........... thanks for letting me get that off my chest and well done if ya still reading it.
Take care all
Rosie x

colinone

kaybee wrote:

Hi Alan

Sorry to hear about this, no wonder you
took it to heart, I would too.

No-one has actually called me lazy over
these last 10+ years of having RA but it
makes me fuming when someone says
'oh my sister/mother/friend has RA and
they go out to work / go for long walks/manage
this,that and the other, and I think
'oh great, thats nice for them then'.

Do they think I would be what feels like
permanently stuck indoors, feeling like I have
flu every day of my life and can hardly get a
meal on the table and just want to curl up in
a ball. No, I would be out there with the best
of them - sky diving, well, maybe not quite that

Oh and while I am on this rant someone who
says how bad they feel if they have a cold or
flu symptoms. I just want to say ' get on with it
I feel like that on a permanent basis.' :x

And talking of friends, you find out who your friends
really are when you get bogged down with a
chronic illness like we have.

OOps that was a rant wasnt it - sorry. :roll:

Hope you feel better soon Alan and everyone
else too.

Kath

Hi Alan, Guys Hows the sky diving going Kath lol You know it seems to me that people who dont suffer with arthritis just havent got a clue what its like. After all pain is pain i remember when i was a little younger people in my family suffering with it and although you
feel sorry for them you dont know what its like till you have it. Worse than other people thinking your lazy is the fact that you yourself want to do more and long for the days when you could do the things you could. it seeme to me that unless you collected stamps or something like that you loose everything you had. I have RA and PA take Mxt embrel prednisolene and a whole host of other medications and i know where you coming from with the flue and sickness. My hobbies up untill three years ago Playing with classic cars, shooting, Weekends at the Army camp, going out on Friday night with the Lads ( and the OH if she wanted to come ) When i wasent doing that i would be in the garage fixing something or doing some job. Then there was work i loved my job it never paid the best money but it kept the family and i enjoyed it, i supose i'm a people person liked to organise and see the end result. Today i am hard pressed and find it difficult to decide what to do i have plenty of choices Bed, Tv or computer i can even do all three together as i have a lap top. No job no hobbies no mates oh one or two of the good ones drop in and see me from time to time and i still have my best mate ( the wife ) she is a brick. I still havent come to terms with it and doubt i ever will but i am learning to live with it. the day was when i would take the engine from a car now its a major job to fasten a button and most of the time i need help with that. I cant believe i said all this i know there are people worse off than me guess im just feeling sorry for myself again. Anyway my point is that these people who assume that because you look normal lol or dont look ill that you should be doing things. People say to me you look great today. what can you say to that, you cant tell them how ill you feel and how the pain is so bad you find it difficult to cope with just a conversation. The first person to tell me i'm lazy will feel my wrath sick or not. And yes then there are those who say My antie Joan goes to the baths every day and swims a thousand lenghs shes had arthrits for years. Or our joes got arthritis and he goes to work as you never wanted to work. god it gets up my nose. then there are those that mean well and say things like have you tried walking or they have a class at my gym for people with health problems. your normally sat in the wheel chair or on your scooter when they say these things. ( well done Alan now i'm laughing ) anyway the thing is there is nothing we can do you just have to cope with all the crap and dispite all the rubish some people do mean well. Oh what i would give to go out on the town and get so Pi---d I could sleep in those days. Love to you all
Collin

hazelm

How I can relate to all thats been said on here,how many times I've had someone say that "you ought to have cod liver oil, I do and my joints are ok"I could willingly hit em over the head with the bottle, if I could get my arm up that high, also as I've been off work for almost a year, I called in to see them, just before christmas,wish I hadn't bothered, all I got was" you look well, when you coming back?"of course I look well, I'm not working or standing for 9hrs a day,but they don't see the pain and suffering ,on the days that I can hardly get out of bed, and the fatigue takes over and then yes I am lazy, because I can't do anything but sit and watch the telly, or sleep for most of the day. :x
Just a thought, why do we all feel that we have to justify our illness to others,there but for the grace of god, and all that.
xx

jackie1955

I've just read this posting and its made me do two things: get mad and have a laugh!
Mad because my husband has suffered for years with other peoples lack of compassion :!: My husband has major health problems - BUT they are not visible to folk. He is a strapping fellow (partly from his medication) so they say things like 'he looks well' and they haven't got a damned clue what he's really gone/going through.

Alan, he worked hard (twenty plus years of them down the coal mine) from when he left school 'til his health deteriorated. He has good/bad days, but he's been physically unable to work since his early forties - much to his dismay.
Like he says - he'd swap in a heartbeat with anyone and do their job if he was healthy :!:

I laughed because some of the postings were so spot-on of what folk say :!: Like even now, I'm already getting comments on what I should be having/doing :!: If only a tub of glucoasimine is going to 'cure' me

Alan, don't let other folks comments get to you - they are just ignorant/naive of what your going through. When my husband gets a bit down over this, I say to him "ignore them - they don't walk in your shoes, they don't understand,. WE know the truth, and God forbid they ever suffer the same".

Keep your chin up mate

renard99

I've had it too.
Being 25, most people say "you're too young for any of that, you're just unfit, get out more and do a bit more exercise, it'll do you good". I also had a colleague say "what, even now? you don't look in pain!" when I told her that my pain is constant 24/7.

A lot of the comments ended when I got a walking stick to aid me. When my knees hurt they also get very weak and I have a general loss of power in my legs so climbing stairs can be exhausting. When my arms are ok I can use the stick to aid climbing stairs and walking. The stick has finally become a physical representation of the disease in the absense of anything visible on my body. When i made a fuss about the need to sit down previously people would say "it's only 10 mins and you're young", now a chair appears very quickly!

linmad

hi,
just popped in for a quick scan and had to reply to this , slightly differant slant but while trying to load my shopping today, parked in a disabled bay the chap in the next bay who knows hubby asked what a young girl like me (54+ ) needed a badge for grrrrr said if he wanted my o/a and back problems fine my me
i do sometimes think my mum thinks i'm just being a wimp when , like this week i have been asleep every afternoon , but not sleeping well at night by 12ish im dead on my feet what i'd give to be fit again

deano28

sorry im new to the forum i have just been told i have osteo in my neck,spine,both hands and also my feet and its hard to deal with