Feel a serious moan coming on.............sorry!

parky2
parky2 Member Posts: 52
edited 28. Jan 2009, 14:37 in Living with Arthritis archive
Hi All

I am going to apologise in advance for this as I have a bad feeling this is going to be a serious moan.

Im so fed up. I have had enough of all this stupid stupid Arthritis stuff and I just dont want to know any more!! I wish it would all just go away and I could just go back to being a normal 24 year old newly wed!

I just feel so low, appear to burst into tears at the slightest thing. Met with my manager yesterday, as I am off sick, all went fine except I started to cry. She was reading the OH report to me and it kept saying the words disabled and cronic condition over and over and over again and me like a big wally started to blub! Came home feeling so stupid and annoyed with myself and DH took me out for a lovely meal. All going well unti I got a text from my cousin who is the same age as me and who I grew up with telling me that she was pregnant. Felt like someone had slapped me so hard. I want nothing more than to be a mummy. Hubby and I have worked so hard for everything we have and this past year and a half we seem to have had nothing but bad news and hard times. Yet there is my 'darling cousin' who bummed about at uni for 4 years, has worked for 6 months in the past 5 years, walked out of her job cause it was doing her head in, her OH works part time, yet they get everything handed to them on a plate from my auntie and uncle. I know this sounds like Im slagging her off, I am happy for them but it just seems right now so unfair. She had the cheek to complain that because the baby is due in July it had put paid to their holiday plans.

I tried to explain to my mum how I was feeling and she told me to pull myself together (not a great one for sympathy or empathy my mum!) So have been sat in this same spot since 10am crying my eyes out.

I have had enough..................I just want to be normal.

Im so sorry for ranting on and on but I just needed to get all of this out before I send myself crazy. Hope you are all having a better day than I am!

xoxox

Comments

  • staceyh
    staceyh Bots Posts: 20
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi I'm so sorry you are feeling so down I know how hard it is to deal with and it is even harder when other people around you are living a "normal" life - remember though you can still have children it will be a lot harder for you than for someone who is healthy but possible and just as wonderful, I had my daughter last year. I started to become unwell 7 months after my wedding and 5 months after my promotion at work so I know it isnt easy.

    Anyway a rant really does help and its sometimes easier with people you dont know! Hope you feel better soon

    x
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Parky
    :(:(
    Don't blame you for feeling down. After all you are 24 years of age and should be having a great time and this arthur malarky has naffed up all your plans. It's a bit like you have to greive a bit for the life you had planned before you can move and accept the life that is happening. Then you can take control of your 'new' future again.
    Your 'perfect' cousin eh? There's a song about that somewhere...
    There rae people out there who always get away with it aren't there?! They always come up smelling of roses no matter what or how little they put into it :( :roll: You WANT to work and that is a good value - that is a good thing and you should be proud of yourself.
    All I can say is "what goes around comes around" and one day just maybe she'll get a shock and find out what life is really about :!: :wink:
    I hope that you will be able to have your much-wanted baby one day too and I know it won't interfere with YOUR holiday plans :wink: :!:
    Maybe smug-cuz will get a cryer who doesn't sleep!!!! Evil me!!
    Take care and rant away
    Toni x
  • greyheron
    greyheron Member Posts: 167
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi there !

    My 'issues' are very different from you - I'm 64, have OA and am doing my best to recover from a knee replacement - but I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are feeling so down, it is only to be expected when you have had 'knockbacks' like you have had so don't be too hard on yourself for feeling and being 'moan'y'. Just allow yourself to feel what you feel, at the same time try to find or do something positive every day and hopefully the future will start to look a bit brighter.

    Take care - and feel free to moan again if you want to - we can take it!

    Wendy
  • ktl297
    ktl297 Member Posts: 50
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi,
    I hope you are feeling a bit better now. I can sympathise with how you're feeling - I have similar feelings of frustration about not being able to do the things I know I used to be able to do... I have been off work for just under 4 weeks and am due to go back on Monday. I am going to see OH - I saw Access to Work a while ago and got equipment etc but I think things to do with where and how I work need to be looked at. My point is that I let this go on for ages (until I got too ill to even go to work) because I felt I should be able to cope. I got this weird attitude that I had to be "normal" and just like everyone else and I just carried on as if I wasn't struggling at all. Admitting that I had a problem and that I am not going to get better or suddenly magically not have any difficulties was a big thing for me and I think I will always struggle with it. The stigma of disability will always be there and maybe because of the fact that arthritis is hidden it seems to be more difficult to manage - other people often don't understand or just forget about the difficulties I face and can be unintentionally cruel ("you don't look sick", "Oh I forgot you can't do that", making arrangements that I will struggle to join in with etc). I hope that we can all find a way to cope with all this.
    KT
  • colinone
    colinone Member Posts: 1,039
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello Parky
    Apologise excepted its good to have a serious moan especially to a group of people who will listen and attempt to help you in any way they can with the mighty pen “Well the mighty keyboard” I’m sorry your feeling so low and at such a young age. I wish I had a magic cure for you. First of all have a big hug there that’s better, and you cry all you want. This illness is so hard to cope with and I’m sure most people on the site have felt the same way on many occasions. You will go through many different stages in your mind that are hard to face up to and even harder to deal with. your feelings will get the better of you, we all go through it. I think you are going through the why me stage been there and it still comes back from time to time. I understand you have just began to build your life and want so much to have a child, just be a normal mum and wife, you long for the girl you used to be and do the things you used to do. You work so hard to achieve the things you want then the rug is pulled from underneath you. The worse thing is you can do nothing to make it better and become reliant on the doctors. Your illness is up and down one day the pain so bad you can hardly cope the next it eases you don’t know where you are or what’s going to become of you. Wow that’s just the way I felt, I’ve never tried to put it into words before. Well Parky I have some good news for you, you can feel better and you will, but it all depends on you. You have no choice but to except that you have the illness because there is nothing you can do about it. When you come to terms with it you can move on, I know it’s hard to deal with and I don’t like talking to you in this way “but make a stand for yourself”. God knows why we suffer as we do but it’s out of our hands. You must try and get yourself out of the rut and into trying to make yourself feel better. The stress on top of your illness can make you worse. Take a look at the things you have and the love you have for each other. There’s no saying you can’t have children
    It might just be a bad idea at the moment. Talk in depth with your Rheumy tell him of your fears. It is a depressing illness that can get the better of you if you let it. And I’m sure you love the bitch who sent you the text perhaps under different circumstances you would have felt happy for her. The other thing you should think about is to other people you don’t look sick and they think well she’s only got arthritis, They just don’t understand how much the illness affects us. This has got to be my longest post ever and I’m sorry for that If you want to PM me I will write to you, please try to find some way of lifting your spirit get out of the rut and you will start to feel better
    I’m sorry if I sound patronising or demeaning but Parky you will make yourself ill if you don’t try. Now Girl stop crying pick yourself up dust yourself down and start again. I do hope your feeling better soon hold your head up keep your chin up and take care. Send your pain to me and I will carry it for a while to give you a rest.
    Colin
  • jenzie06
    jenzie06 Member Posts: 708
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hiya
    Don't give up! I've been struggling with wanting to become a mum and struggling with work and struggling with most things at the moment. It feels like I'm swimming through treacle! I'm 26 and getting married in 6wks so its all going on.
    I'm off to see my OH and manager tomorrow to discuss working and I'm dreading it as I know I'm going to fall to pieces. Tissues at the ready!!

    Understand about your cousin, my sister has two beautiful children who I love to bits but she really doesn't know how good she's got it. Her partners parents are loaded and helped them buy their first house etc. Whereas we struggle every month as we are living on one salary. I love her to bits but she really doesn't have a clue, bless her.

    I've started to feel better this week, not physically (actually I'm spending the day under a blanket on the sofa) but mentally I'm feeling stronger. I find making decisions helps remove the stress element, its all the faffing around in the middle not knowing what to do for the best which makes me sooooo stressed out.

    Anyway, sorry about the ramble just wanted to say to keep your chin up! Sending you a computer hug!

    Take care.
  • woodbon
    woodbon Member Posts: 4,969
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi
    I'm a lot older that you, 53, but I understand your feelings. I was 30 and just months from marrying my lovely husband, when I discovered that my only option was to have a hystorctomy. I had the op 2 weeks before Christmas. My now husband was wonderful about it, anyway its in the past now and a long story.
    My point is that its OK to feel upset when something like this happens. Its natural; for a long time I felt very guilty for feeling upset if someone I knew had a baby. I admit to feeling relief if a friend miscarried or had problems, and that is horrible. Everyone seemed to have such wonderful lives, except me!
    Over the years I've come to accept my fate. I love babies and always will, but would'nt know what to do with one! I am now jealous of friends becomming gradmothers!
    I really hope you do become a Mum, but whatever, these things are in the lap of the gods. Be happy you've got a wonderful relationship, I bet loads of people would swap with you!
    Just except the feeling, let it out, swear, then move on. Just don't hold the bad feelings and let them make you bitter. I didn't I just felt upset for a while and then moved on. Its not easy, but its worth it in the end. Maybe soon you'll be a Mum! Take care, love Sue.
  • parky2
    parky2 Member Posts: 52
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Wow..........thank you so much for all your lovely replies. It somehow makes it easier knowing that someone else understands. However I wouldnt wish how I feel on anyone!

    Spent the rest of my day on the sofa crying and feeling very sorry for myself...........have realised that nothing I do is going to change what is happening and what is going to happen. Now just need to find a way to snap myself out of how I feel.

    I am planting the seed in my head that one day I WILL be a mummy just now right now. Need to find something else to focus myself on for the minute. Hey might take up boxing..........then the next person who tells me I am young and have plenty of tiime to have kids will get a nice swift right hook! HaHa! Just joking! Maybe I need to find myself a hobby or something. Anyone any ideas?!

    Also probably need to apologise to my mum :roll: She shouldnt have told me to pull myself together but I maybe shouldnt have been quite so cheeky in my response, especially when she was sitting at her desk in work. Ho Hum!!!

    Seriously though I cant thank you all enough, today I was at the lowest point I have been since my diagnosis and your support has helped me through that. I only hope I can do the same for you some day.

    xoxox
  • purvesrosie
    purvesrosie Member Posts: 59
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Hun,
    I just wanted to say i know how you feel, I'm 23 and had this for 5yrs. Luckly i have 2 children already and a lovely other half. I went through all the tough decsions that you are. There is a way through this and you will be a mummy. I found when i was pregnant i went into remission but its tough until you concieve. If you need any advice about anything feel free to message me. Good luck with the future. Its tough but try and be positive
    Take care
    Rosie x