Positive thinking about RA

mylo

Hi everyone, the rheumy nurses and OT's keep telling me to think positively about the RA, but I've realised that my way of positive thinking is to hide how I'm feeling and pretend I don't have it. If I get involved in something like work then I just get more and more tired, and I don't seem to be able to get the balance right.

Have you all found a way of coping?

lindalegs

Hi Mylo,

I think realising arthritis isn't the end of the world is the first step. We're all people not a disease and we haven't got to let it rule our lives - we just have to approach our days differently compared to most people. I also think that managing your pain before it manages you is also a good thing to bear in mind if you can.

On good day live your life to the full, on bad take care of your body and rest (if you're able) and always remember a good day is just around the corner (..........or a couple of corners sometimes :roll: ).

Luv Legs

brighteyes

Hi Mylo

I agree with Legs. The one thing I found really hard to do and have probably only done as I should recently, is listen to your body. If you feel awful then you're body is trying to tell you something. The biggest thing to learn is to rest when you need to. I know it's not always possible with work and everything but you have to accept that you can't do everything the way others do.

I proved that Xmas 2007 when I had a houseful over the holidays. It was brilliant - 13 for dinner on Christmas Day. But I overdid it and the day before New Year's Eve, whilst nipping to the shop for a bag of potatoes because "the kids must have a proper dinner", I tripped over the kerb and broke my leg!!!!! I spent 15 weeks in plaster and then got a DVT for my trouble. If I'd only been sensible and realised that I was overdoing it. So the kids didn't get a "proper dinner" for months. Who's the fool???? :roll:

Seriously though, what Legs says is right. The first step is acceptance. the second is ASK FOR HELP. You're not superhuman so if you need help ask for it. You'll be amazed what people will do for you. Coming to terms with your situation is very hard but when you do, life is much easier.

Take good care

mylo

Hi Legs and Brighteyes

Thanks so much for your comments and advice. I do understand what you're saying, but am finding it so difficult to put into practice - I'll keep trying! I think one of my biggest problems is that when I do rest I just feel that I'm being lazy.

I admire you both (and all the people on this forum) for having got to the point where you seem able to manage the arthritis and not be managed by it.

Jane x

lindalegs

mylo wrote:

Hi Legs and Brighteyes

Thanks so much for your comments and advice. I do understand what you're saying, but am finding it so difficult to put into practice - I'll keep trying! I think one of my biggest problems is that when I do rest I just feel that I'm being lazy.

I admire you both (and all the people on this forum) for having got to the point where you seem able to manage the arthritis and not be managed by it.

Jane x

...........yes Jane but it's taken years of practise :shock: Brighteyes is so right when she advises you to ask for help, that can be our biggest stumbling block as pride is a very bitter pill to swallow.

I wish I'd had this forum with the jam-packed advise 23 years ago when I first started my aquaintance with Arthur :roll:

Luv Legs

brighteyes

Aha! And there we have it!! You are NOT lazy. You are not well. Lazy people are those who use any excuse to sit in front of the tv all day and do nothing.

You know that advert for Benylin with the girl who has 'flu and tries to get up for work? Well that's you on a bad day. Your eyes may not be streaming and your nose bright red but you feel just the same - and the same rules apply.

I know it's not easy. I bet most people on this forum have felt the same at some time or another. RA (and OA for that matter) are horrible, painful and debilitating conditions so if you need a duvet day - have one! But as I said before, on good days, get out there and live.

redpoppy

hi,i think brighteyes is right the most important thing is to listen to your body.thats a lesson ive learnt over the years.its no good ignoring it then suffering for days on end as we sometimes do.its all about balance, as we all know we cant sit all day everyday as we would sieze up completely its hard to get it right sometimes.i dont always get up very early in a morning,i did used to feel guilty about this as i had a friend who always made comments to me about it.she was up walking her dog at 7.30 in a morning i wish i could get up and do that.it takes me a while to get moving in a morning so now i take my time and dont feel guilty anymore.

skezier

Brighteyes and Redpoppy,
I hope you don't mind but I have this 'lazy' problem so much.
I always feel I'm lazy I have OA and I think AS more than the RA they tell me I am starting. I have friends who get up early and make me feel 'this big' if I'm not ready by 8.30. I get comments and it feels like sneers and yet to be ready for then I'm up at 5.30 so I have time to get my eyes de-blurred and have time for the tablets to work so I can get my socks on.
Today I have been trying to get some fencing done, 5 hits with a pounder and I'm knackered. I come back in and have a sit down and drag my self out and do another 5 hits! When someone helps me they wont let me stop no matter how worn out I get, I just wondered how can you make people who don't understand why I have to stop and get them to understand I'm not just lazy. Mostly I go it alone as that way I only think I'm lazy and haven't got the sneers and theput downs to reinforce that feelng.
I hope you are all keeping warm as the cold doesn't make for happy bones. Take care

redpoppy

skezier wrote:

Brighteyes and Redpoppy,
I hope you don't mind but I have this 'lazy' problem so much.
I always feel I'm lazy I have OA and I think AS more than the RA they tell me I am starting. I have friends who get up early and make me feel 'this big' if I'm not ready by 8.30. I get comments and it feels like sneers and yet to be ready for then I'm up at 5.30 so I have time to get my eyes de-blurred and have time for the tablets to work so I can get my socks on.
Today I have been trying to get some fencing done, 5 hits with a pounder and I'm knackered. I come back in and have a sit down and drag my self out and do another 5 hits! When someone helps me they wont let me stop no matter how worn out I get, I just wondered how can you make people who don't understand why I have to stop and get them to understand I'm not just lazy. Mostly I go it alone as that way I only think I'm lazy and haven't got the sneers and theput downs to reinforce that feelng.
I hope you are all keeping warm as the cold doesn't make for happy bones. Take care

...hi skezier,you are not lazy at all you have a disease that makes you feel like this.its so hard to accept yourself never mind getting others to understand it.i had two part time jobs when my sons were little and i had arthritis to cope with.i was lucky i could manage it then,but now i cant.and im sure you have done your fair share of hard work too.to be honest people who dont have arthritis do not understand it and they can comment and make snide remarks but they dont have to cope with it.i sometimes wish i could give them this disease for a couple of days and im sure their attitude woud change immediately.so dont beat your self up for doing a bit of your fence at a time as you have made the effort to have a go and no doubt you will get it all done in the end wether it be this week or next week.yes im keeping warm but i have a wooly hat on sat at my pc.lol.dont laugh.

brighteyes

Hear hear RedPoppy!!!

There have been so many times over the years when I wish I couild give this to someone just for a little while. Even close family and friends don't fully understand and have to be reminded from time to time!! It isn't always about the pain. Sometimes it's just the feeling so b****y awful - tired and 'fluey' - that gets you down.

I'm off to take a couple of painkillers now and a lie down on the bed to watch Midsomer Murders and no, I don't feel the remotest bit guilty......

redpoppy

hi brighteyes,i dont blame you. my bed looks very tempting at the mo too.i might fall asleep if i get in it and i have to cook tea soon.lol.

joseyanna

mylo wrote:

Hi everyone, the rheumy nurses and OT's keep telling me to think positively about the RA, but I've realised that my way of positive thinking is to hide how I'm feeling and pretend I don't have it. If I get involved in something like work then I just get more and more tired, and I don't seem to be able to get the balance right.

Have you all found a way of coping?

Hi, I'm finding it hard as well because when I'm not in so much pain I still feel exhausted and flu like. I drop my 4 year old off at school in the mornings and quite often have to go back to bed. If I try and fight it I end up not being able to do anything anyway. I would like to go back to work but there would be nothing left of me to give to my son. Try to keep your chin up, it's hard though, and I'll try as well. We'll all do it together!!

colinone

Hi Mylo
It’s so hard to add any more to what the others have said, being positive all the time is no easy task. It can only be a good thing asking for help when you feel like you can’t cope. Its good for the other people in your life to know how you feel and how the RA effects you and your day to day living. You must as said listen to your body do what you can when you can and if you can’t do it then don’t. If you know its going to make you feel bad or cause pain try not do it.
Now on the other hand what is positive thinking Positive thinking is a mental attitude that admits into the mind thoughts, words and images that are conductive to growth, It is a mental attitude that expects good and favourable results. A positive mind anticipates happiness, joy, health and a successful outcome of every situation and action. When you are suffering pain and that constant flu like feeling 24/7 , you struggle to go to work or to perform normal daily tasks, when even the easiest of tasks becomes difficult. You wonder what the future holds and weather or not you can manage your finance if you give you job up. What about the family the kids the mortgage or the rent. It all piles up and where does it end. “Be positive the say” LOL Of course they are right the house the kids the debt and all those other things that cause you to lay awake at night will be there if you are sick or not. Now I know it sounds easy to say but you have to think about yourself and your future. Being positive may require change and only you know what those changes are. I remember when I had to give up work I felt so worthless but there was no way I could go on suffering. It got worse when my Wife had to retire from work to look after me. But hey where three years on and yes I do feel like **** some days and then there are those days when a positive thought is so far out of reach. But those days are fewer now How you cope is down to you along with your family but take time for yourself, and listen to your body the stress you are feeling will make your RA worse. We travel a hard road and at times it seems so long you can-not reach the end but you do. You will find a balance and you will manage it just takes time. Try and get out of the rut, take care and keep you chin up.
Colin X

woodbon

Hello,
I've just had to learn that I'm not the only person in the world that can do things :shock: . Some days I find it easier to accept my oa than others; I have days when I feel very negative, but others when I can cope very well , but the good days of coping are much more frequent now. . I admit, though that some days I do just have a cry and feel very sorry for myself, but strangly after that I feel better :oops: Love Sue xxx

brighteyes

redpoppy wrote:

hi brighteyes,i dont blame you. my bed looks very tempting at the mo too.i might fall asleep if i get in it and i have to cook tea soon.lol.

that's where I'm lucky that my kids ae a bit older. On bad days, I take myself off to bed for an hour or so with a cup of tea and the tv and then I can get up and cook dinner. Must admit though that it's not always been that easy and I know that not everyone can do that.

mylo

Hi everyone
You're all making me feel so much better! Perhaps I've just been expecting too much, too soon.
Hugs to you all xx

lindalegs

.........now I shall be really honest I don't want to give this disease to some people for a couple of days I would like to give it them for keeps :shock: ...............anyone can have it, no charge, as long as I don't have to have it and then I'd quite happily advise them on how to cope with it

Luv Legs

colinone

Hey Mylo its me again Colin, I'm sorry i did go on a bit, Nothing is perfect and some times i forget myself but i do mean well. it sounds to me that you are being positive and i just read your post to brighteyes you cant get much more positive than that. Of course your going to have days when you are down and its great for a well person to tell you this and that but at the end of the day you can only do your best. Take Care
Colin
X

mylo

Hi Colin
Everything you said helped, and I thank you for it! I guess it's probably going to take me some time to get my head around having this disease.
Jane

colinone

mylo wrote:

Hi Colin
Everything you said helped, and I thank you for it! I guess it's probably going to take me some time to get my head around having this disease.
Jane

Its been 30 years for me and i still can't I'm having one of those days.
Take care
Colin

redpoppy

hi brighteyes.well my sons are 23 and 25 so thay are capable of getting their own meals.i cook for them in the week when they have been to work,but at a weekend they get their own so i just cook for me and my bf but he helps me.