feeling down

amanda000

how do you cope with the anger you feel when you feel your family are not doing enough to help you not qll members. its not even the help just to take some interest in me i have had arthritis since childhood and now need a hip replcement . i have not had a goodnights sleep for months and being a single mum of three boys two of which are teenagers life is incredibly hard i have to lose weight for the surgry and i have lost three stone and i am a recvering alcoholic so i guess iv got my work cut out. :x :x

ikesother

Hi there, as a mum of two teenage girls, i sympathise! I get very down at their inability to think of anyone but themselves, and whats going on in their little world. But believe me, once you have your op,they will become to realise just how much you do and will appreciate you all the more. I keep telling mine "wait till your doing the cooking, washing etc" Probably because you seem fine they think alls normal as usual. Best wishes jk :roll:

elnafinn

Hi Amanda

First of all, welcome to the big family here, who will definitely listen to you and take a big interest in you. We all help each other and even if we cannot, we do commiserate and understand. One thing a lot of us have is time, which family and friends often do not, for whatever reason.

You are safe here and can let go and say what is on your mind.

I wish to congratulate you on losing all that weight, being a single mum of three boys and your battle with alcohol.

You are doing well.

Don't underestimate yourself.

Not sleeping much for months will exaberate the situation. Could you not ask your gp for some help in this direction.

Chin up

Luv
Elna x()

nearlybionic

Hi Amanda
I just wanted to say hi! and I know where you are coming from re sleepless nights and being taken for granted by the kids. Mine are a bit younger than yours but at 10 & 12 I feel they should try to be a bit more helpful. I am having a THR next week and am busy trying to draw up a planner of what they need each day, where they are going re after school etc... My hubby is good re cooking, shopping etc, but gets stressed easily especially when it comes to the kids!
My mum has offered help, but then also says she is busy on many of the times I will need her :x
There is always someone here to sound off to when you need to.
And I`m really impressed re your weight loss and especially giving up alcohol. You have acheived massive goals already.
Your sons will soon realise what a great mum you are and how much they take you for granted, and that might not be a bad thing for them and for you.
Take care
NB

lindalegs

Hi Amanda and welcome,

............late one night, my hubby was downstairs watching telly, one son (aged 21 at the time) was asleep in bed, other son (23) on his computer - I was desparately tired and in pain, sat in bed having managed to remove my lower garments as usual, I'd called and asked for help with the rest of my clothes and was just waiting....and waiting...and waiting. They'd both forgotten me. Pent up frustration, anger and self pity built up inside me and I blew a gasket. I screamed and screamed with tears rolling down my face they, all three came running - whoops :oops: we'd forgotten you. They haven't forgotten since. :roll:

The majority of the time I'm mild mannered and patient but just sometimes it gets the better of us all.

I think you're doing so well, not only with your alcoholism, but also your pain, lack of sleep and teenaged children. I suppose you have to view this as another phase of your children's lives when they're taking you for granted - it will pass and they will appreciate you, let's hope it's sooner rather than later.

Luv Legs

eckstardeluxe

Hi Amanda

I'm sorry you are in this situation. I'm not surprised you are feeling down about things. Before I got my full diagnosis last month I was in the same boat. Although I had been ill with my back as a child, when I started telling my hubby and family something was wrong after having my son it was like no-one believed me. My Mum actually would call me lazy when she tried to phone my house and I'd be in bed exhausted. When they found out I had OA & how far advanced it was they actually changed overnight, suddenly they all want to help me. My kids are very young and my 3 year old just doesn't understand why when she asks to get picked up Mummy can't do it. It sounds bad but I have made a few smug comments to the family such as "well you won't criticise me now for needing a lie down, will you?" and "I bet you feel sh** about not helping me now don't you?" I know that sounds awful but I went for so long without anyone taking me seriously I had to stick my two cents in. The only thing I can think of is to sit down with them and explain what is wrong and why you need help, it's a two way street, you listen to them, they listen to you, if they don't take heed then I bet they will when Mum stops listening to what they want. You could try "well if you won't listen to me, then I won't listen to you, pocket money?didn't hear you ask for it, wash my clothes Mum, I never heard you" you get my point. They really need to start pulling their weight, you don't need to be feeling down right now, you need positivity. Sorry it was so long. take care Alex xx Oh and by the way well done on your superb achievments, someday they will realise what you have been through and they will really look up to you.

joanlawson

Hello Amanda
I am full of admiration for you. To have lost so much weight is a massive achievement on it's own, and to beat your alcohol demons is an even bigger one. Coping with both teenagers and arthritis on your own must be exhausting. Have you sat them down and explained to them how you feel? Teenagers are so caught up in their own problems that they might not be aware of how bad you feel. If they don't help you enough, let them know. After all, you have done a lot for them in the past.
Take care
Joan

woodbon

Hello, As the others have said, you really should be very proud of yourself. I agree the kids are probably living in their own little world, filled with teenage problems! You're entitled to have down days and feel sorry for yourself, but try talking to them, if you have'nt already, it may make them think. Take care. Love Sue

amanda000

lindalegs wrote:

Hi Amanda and welcome,

............late one night, my hubby was downstairs watching telly, one son (aged 21 at the time) was asleep in bed, other son (23) on his computer - I was desparately tired and in pain, sat in bed having managed to remove my lower garments as usual, I'd called and asked for help with the rest of my clothes and was just waiting....and waiting...and waiting. They'd both forgotten me. Pent up frustration, anger and self pity built up inside me and I blew a gasket. I screamed and screamed with tears rolling down my face they, all three came running - whoops :oops: we'd forgotten you. They haven't forgotten since. :roll:

The majority of the time I'm mild mannered and patient but just sometimes it gets the better of us all.

I think you're doing so well, not only with your alcoholism, but also your pain, lack of sleep and teenaged children. I suppose you have to view this as another phase of your children's lives when they're taking you for granted - it will pass and they will appreciate you, let's hope it's sooner rather than later.

Luv Legs

greyheron

A quick note to back up what everyone else has said about how well you are doing - I've got OA in my knees and have never managed to lose weight as you have. I don't have kids but other people's advice looks very good to me, especially the bit about talking honestly to your kids - you may be surprised at how well they respond ...

Take care

Wendy

redpoppy

hi,you have done very well up to now loosing all the weight and beating he alchohol problem.you deserve a medal.i have my sons living with me they are 23 and 25 and although i love them to bits they can be extremely selfish at times.i hate having to ask them to help me,i try and do what i can myself.they watch me bringing in a bucket full of coal from the coal shed,and never offer to carry it for me.at least now one of my sons takes the bins out for me.i think to myself well they know i struggle and if they cant offer off their own back im not asking.pride i think :? i think sometimes they dont want to know how bad you feel as it scares them to face reality.i think thats what happens with my sons.anyway hope you feel better for talking about it on here.take care.

elnafinn

Hi Amanda

You could try heat or ice packs on your hip at night, depending which benefits you the most.

I find that heat makes me more comfortable when I am in pain and cannot sleep. The only exception was on my knee after a total knee replacement.

I hope you are feeling much better in yourself today.

Elna x

petmad

Amanda welcome to the group. As with many of the others you have my admiration for being able to lose weight, I am struggling with that just now.
The only addiction I have had to face was when I stopped smoking, I am sure losing the sedative effect of alcohol is terribly difficult and may I add you are very brave to openly discuss this in a new group.
I have no children, however have every sympathy with you...though I bet you would not trade them in for anything lol. Linda

michelle22

Hi Amanda It is so hard I know with the Alcoholism and the weight and the Arther I want to welcome you to the forum and say take a deep breath and explain to the family that you need help That is so hard to do when you have been in control for so long but you have to ask. Also ask social services for help they will help. Also I don't know if you go to AA but I would recommend that you do they will support you in you Alcoholism also take you to and from meetings so you don't have to worry about getting there. As for your weight well done for losing so much and please keep going you are doing well and at the end of it you will feel so much better for it. I am friendly with Dr Bob and Bill W. and I know that they will help you a lot in many ways that you can't imagine. Also ask your family for help if they don't help stop doing things for them like cooking washing ironing and cleaning there rooms close the door on there room if you have to so you don't see it you will feel better for not doing it as you will have more energy for dealing with the younger one. I have waffled on long enough but if you need to rant here is the place to do it we all have at sometime.

Michelle

colinone

Hi Amanda Welcome to the site, sorry your feeling so down you sure have a lot on your plate at the moment. there is little i can add to the others. I just wanted to say take care and keep your chin up
Colin

gennyf47

amanda000 wrote:

how do you cope with the anger you feel when you feel your family are not doing enough to help you not qll members. its not even the help just to take some interest in me i have had arthritis since childhood and now need a hip replcement . i have not had a goodnights sleep for months and being a single mum of three boys two of which are teenagers life is incredibly hard i have to lose weight for the surgry and i have lost three stone and i am a recvering alcoholic so i guess iv got my work cut out. :x :x

Hi there

So sorry to hear you have been feeling so down. Two of my daughters live with me and dont really do much to help around the house. I have a mad fit every now and then to remind them I need their help, but mostly I just try and get on with things.
I try to look at it as a form of exercise ie shopping, gardening, cleaning, laundry etc, plus I dont think they really understand what arthritis is or what it feels like.
Also seperated from cheating ex last year so I think I feel I have to prove I can cope.
You are fantastic to lose all that weight, ive lost 8lbs so far.
I tried essential oils for my insomnia - neroli, ylang ylang, lavender, chaomile. Give them a go, they are nice and gentle and relaxing.
Take care of yourself xxx

amanda000

thankyou so much for all the kind replys i have had it is so heart warming but someone mentioned pride and i think thats the hardest thing of all just to give you an example i was in an abusive marrige that came to a nasty but thankfully not too violent end the house had to bbe spotless iwould change the furniture around for a pastime now now i haver to muster op the energy to washup i dont like my relatives visting because although its tidy its not like before. You know i thought we were close as a family but sometimes i would give the world for them to offer to take me out or ask me how i am i do have one sister who is my lifeline and my ten year old does so much for me and your right they are what makes my heart beatand they are my world.