worried about me!

suzster · 14. Mar 2010, 10:12

ok, i need to type this because i'm actually really worried about myself.
i seem to swing from angry to sad, tearful and moody and i;m not really sure why?
when i was 1st diagnosed i felt very similar. likje everything was getting to much and why are other people leading normal lives when we have to struggle every day?
my eldest daughter is getting to that hormonal age so i know she can be differcult, i was when i was 11! but i feel so guilty that i can't get out and do the things she'd like.
it's a lovely day here, the sun is shining but i feel so tired and miserable, i don't know if it's my meds that are making me feel this way or if maybe i'm needing help with depression, although admitting i need help is one thing i've always struggled with.
i should be happy, my brother is getting married in 2 weeks but my mum keeps asking what i'm going to wear, am i getting my hair done? but the thought of the wedding is filling me with dread.
sitting down to eat a big meal with all the family when i know that as soon as i've eaten i'll be needing the loo. thanks leflunamide!! i know how long wedding do's can be so i don't want to be worrying about having to keep going to the loo, they'll think theres something wrong with my bladder!!!

any way, putting wedding worries aside, i've just let rip shouting at everyone because ellie was saying she was bored so i said why not go for a walk, to which i got the usual "can we go for a walk?" to be honest i'm so tired the thought of going to the park does nothing for me! so of course then she starts saying inever want to go out, not true, i take them out most weekends plus y7esterday i did a party for her and her friends.
but i just seem to feel like such a bad mum for not jumping up and saying yes lets go!!
i just wish arthur would bu***r off and let me live!!

sorry everyone for letting all that out.
i just seem to be this moody tearful bag of horribleness at the moment!
sue

skezier · 14. Mar 2010, 11:06

Hi Sue,

I am sorry your feeling down just now. Sending you a ((( ))) firstly. You may just be having a bad day and tomorrow will be easier for you?

I don't know if you could have a chat with your doctor about being very down and the mood swings, its sadly hard to have a condition and feel ill and its bound to knock you emotionally at times. The meds, as you know, also have a side effect of effecting people emotionally as well.

Ellie, bless her, is at the age where she is going to rage about a bit but I am sure she doesn't mean it. You certinaly are not a bad Mum! I hope it will all calm down for you soon and is there anything specifically worrying you Sue? I saw a councillor a few years ago cus I was all over the place emotionally and it really helped. Sometimes its just everything comes in at you and being able to talk about what’s worrying you, or in my case back then frightening me stupid, is all you need.

Hang in there Flower and hopefully you will be back on a more even keel very soon. Luv and another ((( ))) Cris x

dachshund · 14. Mar 2010, 11:12

Hi Sue.
i know how you feel i feel worn out all the time
as well as evrything aching.
i have a dog i take him out evry day i go on my mobility scoota i go to the woods and it is a nice when i want to walk i give my scoota to my friend to ride. we all enjoy it.
i understand how you feel,
joan xx

lindalegs · 14. Mar 2010, 11:28

Hi Sue,

So sorry you feel like this, it's horrible to be so low. I can remember looking out of my bedroom window and watching a Mum taking her toddler and baby a walk and I had tears coursing down my cheeks because I wanted to take my boys out too but was in so much pain I couldn't.

I think I wanted to end it all then ......but didn't (obviously, unless it's my ghost typing this :shock: )

You need to talk to your GP about how you feel because you can't continue being so low.

As for the wedding, if it's your bowels you're talking about, you can get some capsules from the doc to slow your motions down and if you took them the day before the wedding then you could be in control for the big meal and not need to worry about rushing to the loo. This is another thing you could talk to your GP about as it's obviously worrying you alot.

Hope this helps and hope you feel better very soon.

Luv Legs

09angel11 · 14. Mar 2010, 11:31

Hi Suzster

Ho boy you are having a bad time

. Worrying about the family, the wedding, also the loo, what you should be thinking of is yourself, your the one with the arthritis. I take it all the family know your condition? if not, explain to them all what your illness is and how it affects your life and the way you feel from day to day, as every day can be different as we all know when we have any type of arthritis. Ask your husband to have a word with the children, although they are getting to that" i am all grown stage" they need to be made aware of how arthritis makes you feel and to have understanding, and to give you some support. About the wedding ,explain to the one person to who you feel best able to, to explain to people about your condition, and that you may have to leave early, if you do have to keep going to the loo, so what, just go, if they are family and good friends they will understand, for those you do not know, and those who do not understand, so what, thats there problem not yours. Just relax, and enjoy it for as long as you can, when you are tired and have had enough just say your goodbyes, believe me people who care about you will understand, those you wont see again, it does not matter. It never hurts to have a good shout or cry, lets face it we all feel like it at times, so you are not on your own. You just take care of yourself, delegate a few tasks to the hubby and children, it wont hurt them, and it will do you good, when you feel rested you will see how much better and up to doing a few more things, like going out. But if they do not know how you feel, they cant help, do not be ashamed of your illness its not your fault, nobody asks for this disability. Just look after and love yourself.

Give yourself a big hug, here is on from me ((((((HUG)))))

Love and best wishes

Monica

frogmorton · 14. Mar 2010, 12:53

Hi Sue

You are a really good Mum you know...and i mean it -you do a far better job than me. I know - I have evidence of all the things you did with them in the summer hols so there!!!

I should say the little 'un is being unfair on you. As you klnow they do. Mine do it to me (Lucy is just 12 and Charlie 15 step 14) and sometimes you just cant cope can you.

As for the wedding - when I feel rubbish I absolutely DREAD doing anything out of the ordinary especially a big do like that. I am useless at it. I was best woman for my friend at her civil ceremony about 5 months after my worst evr flare started and I really dont knwo how i did it. You do though and you will too.

Main thing is have an escape plan with hubby (stay at the hotel - so you can sneak off for a rest or even early to bed) - kids can be a good excuse here.

As far as depression goes - well it wouldnt suprise me, but Sue, give it a while say two weks max, and then if you spirits haven't lifted - seek advice.

You take care

Love

Toni xx

suzster · 14. Mar 2010, 13:06

if i'm honest i've been feeling like this for weeks, but as my friends would tell you i hide it well, even my gp has told me to be honest but it's hard when i've always been the happy go lucky joker.
i think a trip to my gp is in order though as i've been slowly getting more emotional.
thank you everyone, sometimes i think you need to ralk about these things to people who understand, no matter how often itry to explain how i feel to family they don't seem to really understand.
my husband had made the 'are you depressed or something' comment, but i think i have to hold back on my answer because i think i'd shout at him! why can people not see that living with arthur is tough and i need more than a hours break when i'm really upset and at the end of my tether so to speak?!!
again thank you all, it is such a comfort having this forum to let my steam out!
sue

dippydoodah · 14. Mar 2010, 13:14

Sorry to hear your going through such a rough time at the moment but you mustn't feel bad because of it. Im still learning that exhaustion and a range of emotions seem to be normal for anyone suffering from Arthur so please don't feel like your alone. I often feel extremely weak and tired out and like you felt guilty for not doing more with the kids.

Hope you begin to feel a bit better soon
Caroline x

dorcas · 14. Mar 2010, 15:40

suzster wrote:

if i'm honest i've been feeling like this for weeks, but as my friends would tell you i hide it well, even my gp has told me to be honest but it's hard when i've always been the happy go lucky joker.
i think a trip to my gp is in order though as i've been slowly getting more emotional.
thank you everyone, sometimes i think you need to ralk about these things to people who understand, no matter how often itry to explain how i feel to family they don't seem to really understand.
my husband had made the 'are you depressed or something' comment, but i think i have to hold back on my answer because i think i'd shout at him! why can people not see that living with arthur is tough and i need more than a hours break when i'm really upset and at the end of my tether so to speak?!!
again thank you all, it is such a comfort having this forum to let my steam out!
sue

Hi Sue,
what you describe is what I think a lot of us also share and have experienced ......arther is such a physically demanding and emotionally draining condition but is 'invisible' to others; that's what makes it so hard at times. The fatigue is awful too.

I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time just now and hope things will improve for you very soon.

Getting the balance between the demands of running a home & family and your own needs is very difficult. Changing the way people see you is also a challenge especially if you've always been the 'happy go lucky joker' but it sounds as though you need your family and friends to listen to how you are feeling now.

Try to get some rest if you can and do speak to your GP. Other peeps have given you such good advice.
What would we do without the forum?

sending you some ((((HUGS))) Iris x

suzster · 15. Mar 2010, 04:37

without this forum i don't know where i'd be!!
sometimes just knowing that some of what i' feeling is normal and that others feel the same does more to help than anything, if that makes sense?
it true that arthur being 'invisible' doesn't help people to understand how we all feel inside!
after i had a mood flip at everyone yesterday daev (my oh!) took the girls out for a walk and i tried to go for a short walk to get some fresh air and that made me realise how short the distance is i can walk with out tne pushchair to lean on, holding a walking stick really hurts my hands, thats another big worry for me now!
but i'm trying to get through to my gp surgery as we speak, always impossible on a monday!!
thanks everyone for being here for me in my hour of insanity!
sue

nuttynana · 15. Mar 2010, 05:07

Hi Suzster

I totally agree with you about 'arthur' being invisible, people, that including family cannot see what yu are feeling when in pain or just exhausted or have generally tiredness. I don't have young children to care for, but have 6 lovely grandchildren and I so missing not being able to have them for the weekend and do lots of fun things - (I am going through a partcicularly rough flare). You sometimes get the feeling that others look at you and can't physically see anything wrong and think you just putting it on. Sounds daft, but, when feeling this rubbish I don't put make up on so people can see it's not the 'real me'.. It's like using the blue badge - you get real looks as much to say you don't need that!!!
As for the being low - please, please see your GP asap, if they decide you need some help, be patient the tablets don't work overnight - can take 3 to 6 weeks to fully kick in, but may be what you need at the moment, also as someone else commented sometimes counselling can help - it did for me!
My rheumy got me to complete a HAD's scale test which looks at your mood and gives quite a good indication as to if you are getting or are depressed, we have to realise that this horrid disease does do that to us, a really high percentage of bods with RA,OA etc have some form of depression. I have worked in mental health for the last 10 years and know how people feel it is a failing to admit you are depressed - it is not, it's a geniuene illness and can be treated.. Get some help, it may just make life easier to deal with.

Much love and good luck with getting a GP app....

Hazel x

annie_mial · 15. Mar 2010, 05:19

Sue, it took me months to even admit to myself that I was depressed; there does seem to be a general feeling that it is a 'weakness' or 'failure' of some kind - why is this?

It took me even longer to 'confess' to my doctor and her reaction was the same as the family's - 'why didn't you tell me before?'. Then I felt silly for waiting and putting it off for so long for no good reason that I could find!

Within days I was myself again. I don't think everyone is as lucky as I was, the first choice of AD tabs suited me and worked very quickly and I haven't looked back since. I'm sure you do need to talk to your doctor, so good luck with the appointment - your surgery is the same as ours on a Monday morning.

Annie
x

annie_mial · 15. Mar 2010, 05:21

Sue, it took me months to even admit to myself that I was depressed; there does seem to be a general feeling that it is a 'weakness' or 'failure' of some kind - why is this?

It took me even longer to 'confess' to my doctor and her reaction was the same as the family's - 'why didn't you tell me before?'. Then I felt silly for waiting and putting it off for so long for no good reason that I could find!

Within days I was myself again. I don't think everyone is as lucky as I was, the first choice of AD tabs suited me and worked very quickly and I haven't looked back since. I'm sure you do need to talk to your doctor, so good luck with the appointment - your surgery is the same as ours on a Monday morning.

Annie
x

suzster · 15. Mar 2010, 05:24

thank you hazel, the thought of having to admit to my gp how i really feel scares me, i'm so used to putting my smile on.
i'm hoping to get an appointment when my little one (3yrs old) is at preschool because she gets so upset if she see's me crying, it's impossible to explain to her what is making me feel like this.
sue

dippydoodah · 15. Mar 2010, 05:36

I felt very low and eventually went to see my GP about anti-depressants and I have to admit, they've really worked. Im on Sertraline, they work for me and Im so much less weepy than I used to be, even my husbands noticed how much happier I am these days.

Don't be afraid of speaking to someone.
Hope you feel better soon.
Caroline x

nuttynana · 15. Mar 2010, 05:39

Sue

Your GP would much rather you admit it earlier that way he/she can help you, if you keep leaving it both you and the family will go through even more upset and stress. If your joints really ache, or there are changes with the RA you ask for help, this is no different. It is not something you can control on your own - it really is not a case of pulling your socks up and getting on with it, it does not just go away.
Be brave, firstly admit it to yourself that you are struggling with your emotions and then it makes it easier to ask for some support - it will be worth it...

Wish I could come and hold your hand and go with you - sometimes we need a good friend to do that for you, someone who is a little detached from the situation - do you have a good friend who could come with you to offer support, especially if you become upset??

Take care.

Hazel x

suzster · 15. Mar 2010, 06:36

i think i'm better on my own because i do put on a brave face and if it's just me theres no one to hide it from.
week ends for some reason seem to be worse, not sure why though?
luckily ellie understands a lot more now but poor sarah was beside herself yesterday, daev was trying to take them both out but sarah kept saying she wanted to stay with me because i was crying, that breaks my heart. but a short walk to the woods and sarah forgot, as usual she didn't want to come home then!
sue

dolittle · 15. Mar 2010, 06:45

Oh Sue,
I do feel for you. It must be awful when you can't share life properly with you daughter.

I feel like a pendulum as well - swinging from laughs to tears and temper. I don't know how my husband puts up with it. It seems I use 'sorry' more than any other word I know and then I go to bed and cry. I resent others who are living a normal life but I manage to smile and try not to be nasty, but I still wish I could do what they do.

If only we lived next door to each other, or up the street ... we could rant to each other all day. I haven't any magic solution to our problem - if I had I'd share it with you. A doctor told me years ago to go and throw a milkbottle against the wall - it would get rid of my frustrtions. So what have their done now .... put the stuff in plastic ones, which results in it bouncing off the wall and smacking me on the nose.

I'm sick of pills, clinics, hospitals, waiting rooms, consultants, rheumy nurses, hospitals, pain, not being 'me', looking all podgy (medication) and walking as if I was auditioning for 'Two Soups'!

Still, you sound like a trouper .... I'm sure you'll find something to laugh about today.

Just think - when your daughter gets a bit older and understands , she will admire you for the way you've coped. You'll get through it,ducks.
100 x (((( ))))s
Do

valval · 15. Mar 2010, 07:06

sue i hope you got in at your gp it not suprising you r going through all this if you think of all you have lost it bound to affect you we all get that way when we face what we can not do and i do not have any children to cope with. so on bad day be nice to your self you can not do all you used to do not try to make a list of what important to get done then how often you really need to do it then ask oh if he thinks same things important you might be supriesed at the different view to things and then ask girls what they would be willing to help with so you have the energy to spend time with them. but remember what ever you do for a pre teen/teen is never enough so do not expect miricals good luck be nice to your self

angel1 · 15. Mar 2010, 07:59

I am so glad that you have decided to see your GP Sue. There comes a time when you need that little bit of extra help, and I feel that time has come for you. As a Counsellor, I can usually tell when this happens, and always recommend it. Counselling, on it`s own, can only do so much.

I found it very sad to read that you are feeling inadequate, although I appreciate how that can happen to anyone who feels, at times, that they are only living a half life. I have read your posts during the time I`ve been here, with the greatest admiration for you as a mum. The time you spend with Ellie and Sarah, the thought you put into making their lives happy and fulfilled, and most importantly, the love you have for them, shining through. Perhaps you need to realise Sue, that you can`t be supermum all the time. Explain this to them. It truly won`t hurt Sarah to see you in tears occasionally, not if you are holding her in your arms at the time. I feel that if you can bring a child to understanding tears with gentle words, that is a good thing. And if there were no stand up fights with Ellie, then you`d have cause to worry. She`s a teenager! She`s old enough now though for you to talk to her, and ask for her help. You are the most important person in the girls lives, and they love you, and will want to "make mummy better".

I always liken this dreadful disease to a bereavement, and it is. However, it can be even harder to deal with, because, just as you feel you reach a level of acceptance over the loss of self, it kicks you in the teeth again, and all the bad things come flooding back, to be dealt with all over again. There seems no end to the constant pain, both physical, and emtional.

I hope you get the help you need today, and send you all my love.......Ange.

frogmorton · 15. Mar 2010, 08:34

Hi Sue

Did you get through??

Angel is right - it IS a bit like bereavment - like accepting the 'expected' life isnt anymore and you have to accept the new one. No wonder we often feel totally depressed eh???

I hope you got an apt today Sue or even ttomorrow.

Good luck

Love

Toni xx

tkachev · 15. Mar 2010, 08:49

Hi Suzster,

We do have a hard life! We struggle to get through the day.It isnt fair. We cant play with our kids as much as wed like and have to rely on others goodwill to take them out which is few and far between.I think a good cry helps.
The wedding is going to be tiring but just sit your bum down as much as you can.Lindas info about the pills as a short term measure will help you thru the day.Check where the toilets are as soon as you can so its not a last minute panic.Get your Hubby involved(before he starts drinking).The children will hopefully find friends to play with.Everybody will get drunk and not notice your trips to the loo!
I have a wedding to go to in July and I am starting to worry too.I have the bladder problem.So I wont be able to drink anything.
I cant wear pretty shoes as only my trainers fit and they are very old.
I do hope you have a good day and dont get tired out and achey.
Take care
Elizabeth

psyart · 15. Mar 2010, 16:56

Hi - big hugs going to you ((())). this site is very good for expressing ourselves - we dont feel silly writing on here and dont you find that sometimes writing what you feel helps??? I have written on here before about feeling really down and someone suggested writing a letter to my doctor - would this help you?? Its so hard sometimes to admit to our doctors how deeply 'arthur' affects us - but sometimes we need to for our own sanity!!!!

hope you are feeling better??

Louise

suzster · 16. Mar 2010, 04:30

sarah has a cold so isn#t at pre school today so cannot see gp.
i need to go on my own so i can tell the dr exactly how i feel, sarah gets so upset when i cry so it wouldn't be fair taking her. hopefully she'll perk up and i can get an appointment tomorrow.
i went round my friends yesterday and for the 1st time admitted i had problems, it's the 1st step as i usually don't tell anyone except you lot!
sue

dorcas · 16. Mar 2010, 04:49

Hi Sue,

so glad that you have spoken to your friend about how you are feeling ....as you say, it's the first step..but it is a big one nevertheless!

I hope it is the start to your friends and then family understanding how much you have been coping with. It is not easy admitting to ourselves and then others how difficult and painful having arther is and how it affects us emotionally as well as physically.

Hope Sarah bounces back and that you do get to see your GP tomorrow.
will be thinking about you and sending you lots of love and support for the days ahead. Iris x

snowball · 16. Mar 2010, 05:36

Hi Sue sorry to hear you are having a rough time, i went to a big wedding a few years ago and i couldn't afford to have my hair done so i bought a band with a flower on it and just tied my hair up. I too have problems with leflumonide i went to chemist and got something for it and took it 1 hour before meal. I did go to the loo a lot but the people at my table were that drunk i don't think they noticed.
I have 2 boys and my partner left me when i was pregnant with my second he decided he wasn't ready to be a father, and we haven't seen him since. I've worked very hard to provide a good home for my children it made me very independent, i also had support from my parents. So when i was diagnosed with r/a it was a big shock, sometimes i cry as its very frustrating not to be able to do the things we are used to doing. My children have to do a lot for me which makes me feel guilty but my brother said look at it this way there will be two women out there who will be greatfull to get a young man who can cook and clean oh and iron there own shirts. Sue i hope you start to feel a bit better soon sending you a ((((hug))))
Julie

worried about me!

Comments

Categories