Im feeling totally depressed

niecee · 2. Apr 2012, 16:41

I've being diagnosed with OA since Dec 2010. Im 44 yrs old and I just cant get to grips with it. Im now having to use a walking stick, mobility is becoming and issue and having problems with stairs. I use to be very out going, party nights out with friends. I felt sexy and attractive and now all those things have gone. I only go to work. I wont socialise people stare at my stick or how i limp. I cant party as if its standing only then im in pain. I go to bed im in pain. I feel ugly and unattractive. Ive always been able to pick an choose relationships now i have none. Who would look at me anyway! I couldn't have sex as my hip joints are painful. i constantly ask why me and just cry at night in bed. I know im locking myself away but i cant help it. i hate what is happening to me. I know im not the worst but im scared of being on my own and not being able to do things. All i want is one day without pain and to be able to walk without a stick is that too much to ask? :x :oops:

Puschinka · 3. Apr 2012, 06:13

Hi niecee, oh my heart goes out to you !!!
I understand exactly how you feel and I feel much the same about my own situation. I was diagnosed with OA in one knee in Feb ( following a work-related incident 3 months before, long story...) and my other knee is now getting worse too. I can't walk far before the pain gets too bad and then only with a cane, which I HATE!! I wake several times a night in pain and can't get comfy and wake up feeling like a zombie. I used to be very active and fit and felt young and vibrant and loved socialising. I have become a hermit, don't socialise anymore and my self esteem and self confidence are rock bottom somme days. I am lucky in that I have a very supportive boyfriend who assures me I am still the same person to him as I was before but I feel like half the woman I use to be and like you, I am really struggling to come to terms and accept that my life has changed so much. I get depressed too and then I remind myself that sooo many people are much worse off than myself and I can still do a lot of things that some people here, much younger than myself, cannot do. And I say to myself - "They cope somehow, they stay positive and carry on and don't wallow in self-pity"... and it kind of helps me snap out of my dark moods ( not always).
I am sure you are still just as attractive and sexy as before, it's just your own head telling you otherwise because your self esteem is not what it was. As for relationships - you can still have your pick, in fact you can and should be even more picky now, because would you want a bloke who is so shallow that he would only see your stick or a limp and not the beautiful woman you STILL are, inside and out, OA or not !!?
I still have to face the mountain of going back to work yet... when they finally decide what to do with me :? and I work in an environment where competition and criticism,two-facedness,bitching and shallowness is rife amongst employees .... but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.
Please try to stay positive, spring's here and it's still a beautiful world and life is precious.And there's still soo much you/we CAN do and enjoy!

Warm greetings to you and I hope you feel better soon.xx

helpline_team · 3. Apr 2012, 09:23

Hi Niecee,

Is it totally understandable that you feel as you do. Pain does this to many people. The first step is acknowledging your feelings which you have done and now for the second step to break the cycle of pain and depression.
1. It may help to talk things through with one of us so please do pick up the phone
2. Going on a self-management course may also help as this will provide you with the opportunity to not only learn about coping strategies but also provide you to talk with other people in the similar position.
3. When it comes to sex and relationships there's always more than one way, please see our booklet : http://www.arthritiscare.org.uk/PublicationsandResources/Listedbytype/Booklets/main_content/Relationshipsbooklet2011.pdf
4. If your current pain medication is not adequate ask your doctor either amend or send you to a pain clinic

I realise is not that easy to get out of the circle but talking it through or maybe even having a good cry with someone at the end of the line listening to you may actually help.

Best Wishes
Simona

dreamdaisy · 3. Apr 2012, 09:42

Hello Niecee, I was so saddened by your post as I remember feeling a deal of what you are currently going through, and I am still troubled by the odd crisis of confidence. May I suggest that you post again on the Living With Arthritis part of the forum? Us 'general' members are not supposed to hang out on here too much and I can guarantee that you will get plenty of support from more people. I wish you well. DD

Im feeling totally depressed

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