just a few quickies

Paddy hates his wifes cat so much he drives to the next town and dumps it .When he gets home its there . Next day he drives 50 miles and dumps it . When he gets home its there again . So next day. he drives to the other side. of the country and dumps it 6 hours later he rings his wife and asks. Is that cat home yes why asks the wife . Paddy says put the cat on the phone I'm lost


I woke up this morning at 8 and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonalds serve breakfast until 11.30.

A scouser on the antiques road show with a very rare vase, Hugh Scully says how did you aquire this wonderful vase, it was handed down to me he says. where from says hugh scully. from an upstairs window said the scouser.

some fella in his place of employment has been attacked by a man all in black he hit him with a set of flaills over the head he kung fu kicked him in the stomach and karate chopped him in the neck, any way he phoned claims direct and told them he"d been ninjed at work.

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Paddy drags a huge metal box to the Antiques Road show in Dublin. "Where did you get this from?" asks the expert. "It's been in my loft for 40 years. Think it's an heirloom" says Paddy. "Do you have insurance?" asks the expert. "No, should I?" asks Paddy. "Yeah," says the expert "It's your feckin' water tank."