Replies to Unhelpful Comments

ninakang

Hello

Just thought I'd start a thread where we can post any replies we've made or thought of when people on the street/ at work etc make unhelpful comments about your arthritis. There are some very funny and witty people on this site, so I thought it might be a laugh as well as giving everyone some ideas to store up for the future to unleash on those unsuspecting people who think it's helpful to say "Can't you walk?" to a complete stranger.

My favourite reply to a stranger saying this to my sister is still "Yes, she can, she's just very lazy".

But I'm sure everyone has better ideas :-)

Nx

lesleygraham

I suffer from severe RA and have had a really bad time lately, especially in the morning, all my joints are extremely stiff and painful. On witnessing this over the last few months my very 'helpful niece' who lives with me suggested 'why don't you just get up and walk about every morning, I'm sure you'll feel much better!!!' And to top it off my husband agreed!!! I'd love them to have it for a day, I'm sure they wouldn't even get out of bed.
Les

nearlybionic

Hi Lesley
That seems like the typical `if you can`t see it , it can`t be that bad`. As you said, if they could experience the pain and discomfort that arthur brings, I`m sure they`d be a bit more understanding!! :shock:

Nina,
I was out with my son recently and parked in the disabled bay outside Boots. As I was getting organised to get out of the car an elderly lady with mobililty problems walked up to my car. As I got out of the car, awkwardly, as usual and my son handed me my crutches, her cross face changed and she then asked me the time! Funny thing was she was wearing a watch which she tried to hide unsuccessfully!! I smiled sweetly and said, you tell me. She had obviously assumed I had parked wrongly, and was quite embarassed when she saw me hobble away! :roll:
NB

ritnew

I'm going to be really interested to see what people do say to others as I'm always a bit slow and can never think of anything till sometime later, then I always think I wish I'd said that.
I have a friend, as lovely as she is, she was the one who sent me the link to this site, she seems to think that within a couple of weeks of having my THR I'll be running around like I've never had anything wrong in the first place. I've tried to explain there is a lot of do's and don't's after the op but she looks at me as if she thinks I'm going to milk it, the recovery time that is. Believe me I wish it was that easy, I've read so much about it on here and other places that I know you need to follow the rules or suffer the consequences. One of the TV dr's said the other day if you can't see it people tend not to believe you, and I like some on here wish they could have the pain for just one day or just one hour, I think then they may understand just what we go through each and every day.
Rant over.

frogmorton

Rita
An hour would be enough I agree,BUT they would have to think it was FOREVER!!
Toni x

eckstardeluxe

My usual replies are to the "that's a disabled space you know" are -

"Yes and that's a disabled badge on my car"

"Yes I can read, obviously you can't since you didn't read the badge on my car"

Some others I can't mention :oops:

tinkerbell3

I'm 43 and have had RA for a couple of years so not very long. I still find it suprising when complete strangers come up to me and ask me why I walk with a stick. At first I was so taken aback that I'd tell them that I had RA and then get into a conversation where they would tell me they knew someone who had that and was cured when they tried different sorts of oils and potions. :roll:

I now cut them off by saying I have the stick as a fashion statement, I saw one in a shop and thought it was cool unfortunately a limp, shuffling feet and look of pain on my face came with it.

Although a collegue I hadn't seen for a while asked me if I had hurt my leg ski-ing or something. I've never done anything more dangerous than swimming and walking so it was quite funny, but I might start using that one.

ritnew

Hi Sorry me again having another rant, must of taken the wrong meds this morning,
I had an email from my know it all friend, she and her oh have been away in their caravan for the weekend to The Peaks, we all live close by to The Peaks and my oh and myself like to have a drive around then stop for a quiet drink, sorry I'm straying off the subject.
Anyway she was tellng me how they met a couple that were at a motorbike rally and the lady was waiting for a double hip replacement but had put it off till after the summer and how this lady went everywhere on her motorbike, she was able to get on but had to have help getting off, the thought of getting on a motorbike makes my eyes water, then she told me how they were staying in a trailer tent. I can't help thinking it was a dig at me, we've just had to change our car as it was to low to the ground for me to get into. I've made so many adjustments to my life to enable myself to live with arthur. I even have problems getting in and out of the shower, a bath is just a dream until I've had my new hip and recovered.
Perhaps I'm being paranoid, I'm really going to have to tell her soon to get off my case.
I'm trying to think of something witty to write back to her any help gratefully received.

bubbsie

I get annoyed to at people asking why are you using walking sticks or a wheelchair :x

My best one was a person I knew (who is nosy not concerned)asked " why are you in a wheelchair?" I said " I did a charity parachute jump and broke both of my legs" and my sister who was pushing meat the time quickly said " would'nt have been a problem only she was using her knickers as the parachute" she pushed me away with us both laughing our heads off The look on that person face was priceless


Bubbsie x

mrsdalloway

oh I like that one!

livinglegend

When some people open their mouth, their brain automatically disconnects. So, if anyone says anything, look them straight in the eye and reply, softly and gently.

"Your car is in a disabled space". Reply, "Yes!".

"You don't need a Blue Badge". Reply: "Thank you for that information".

"Why do you use a stick?". Reply: "It doesn't hurt me so much if I beat silly questioners over the head with it".

"What have you done?" Reply, "I caught arthritis, I really should have dropped it".

A questioning glance and a little shake of the head in bemusement is still the best thing, especially for 'dirty' looks. Practice this, it even frightens the horses.


Still the best is

Joseph 8)

colinone

Hi Guys i dont take much notice of things people say as rule and no matter how i reply i always call them close to me look them in them eye and speak softly. I have had some great fun. a young guy in the club called me pop god i hate that. "Whats to do with you pop"
as he put his cell phone back in his pocket for the 100th time. Its shrapnel in my head they had to put a steel plate in so dont use your mobile when i'm near you. i stuck to him like glue and he kept going outside to use his mobile. My greatest was at a dinner a few months ago, it was a table of twelve and these where what you might call snobs but i was hosting the table. A man who was quite high up in the home office was at my table and prior to sitting down for dinner i heared him make a snotty remark about another person. he was loud and quite rude. At the table he was sat at the other side of the table from me and in a loud voice began asking me questions, what are your medals for, where you in WW2 genaral stupid stuff with a silly grin. Then in a loud voice he says you look spo well whats wrong with you. I looked around the table as i had some really important guests sat with me and they where as embarresed as me. with my eyes fixed on this man i jerked my head to say come hear and he leaned over to me , no isaid youll have to come round. he came round to me and i becond him to come closer we where i to eye and i said what did you say, he replied whats wrong with you. i moved my face very close to his and said. I have turrets, now go away but not those words. The following week i got a letter from him thanking me for my hospitality
Colin

mash65

its a disabled bay
yes i know.
oh the stupid things people say,im walking round tesco's i few people that work there now my oh from a factory he got made redunant from.& now know me.''ru ok'' :roll: yer great!!!
do you need a hand with packing''no i''ll just drop my crutches & do it myself'' reply ''ok'' :shock:
today i was shopping & obviously was in the way,i turned around to put my 2 tubs of cheese spread in my trolley & the woman that i was in the way of had walked off with my trolley(no im not joking)so i had to try to catch up & tell her she'd got my trolley. she hadnt realised did appoligies but i could see she didnt know where she'd left her trolley.NOW IM THE 1 ON DRUGS :shock: :shock: its the only way i get through the day debsx

page35

Hi
just started a local yoga class this evening. told teacher before we started "i have RA" she replied "you are very young" i said "yes thank you" she then said "why do you have it then?" :shock:
i said you tell me, but wished i had of thought of something clever to say.
any how i wont be going back to that yoga class again

colinone

Debs LMAO can just see you doing 30mph down the isle trying to catch the woman with your trolly.

Page some people are just thick,
Colin

lesleygraham

Hi folks
My twin sister and I both have RA and a few weeks ago went to our local supermarket. After pulling into a disabled bay (only use it when necessary) an elderly man and his wife got out of their car in disabled bay and repeatedly stared at us, he then walked on, turned round, came back and stared some more muttering. I didn't say anything to him just thought it was another case of an older person thinking younger people can't be disabled. Anyway, a few nights later in our local newspaper he had actually written a letter saying how he saw two YOUNG women parked in a disabled bay in Asda 'and they were displaying a blue badge,....' he was complaining cos we were young (40) and he didn't think it was right we had a disabled badge!!! Again, if you can't see it........
I am starting to be really paranoid about using my badge now.

Les

eckstardeluxe

lesleygraham wrote:

Hi folks
My twin sister and I both have RA and a few weeks ago went to our local supermarket. After pulling into a disabled bay (only use it when necessary) an elderly man and his wife got out of their car in disabled bay and repeatedly stared at us, he then walked on, turned round, came back and stared some more muttering. I didn't say anything to him just thought it was another case of an older person thinking younger people can't be disabled. Anyway, a few nights later in our local newspaper he had actually written a letter saying how he saw two YOUNG women parked in a disabled bay in Asda 'and they were displaying a blue badge,....' he was complaining cos we were young (40) and he didn't think it was right we had a disabled badge!!! Again, if you can't see it........
I am starting to be really paranoid about using my badge now.

Les

Write a letter back Lesley saying you think he was talking about you as you saw some ignorant people staring and muttering as you got out of your car. State you are a young disabled woman and find it terrible that in these times people can be so judgmental of disabled people because of their age. I bet he'll not be too pleased when he sees that and it will serve him right, make sure you mention many times how ignorant and small minded they were!!

My experiences are never with young folks, only older people. I hate that tiny minority of them that thinks we all owe them a favour and it's impossible for young people to be disabled. A friend with arthritis (older person) has suddenly started being funny with me. She has always complained non stop about her arthur and is in early stage. When she found out I was end stage and never complain (except on here!) she has been snide with me ever since. I think she doesn't believe me sometimes, either that or feels guilty. I don't know.

You obviously got a better parking spot than this man and I often feel these old people are jealous because they suspect you may be getting DLA etc and they probably didn't get it until they were older and you might be getting it at a younger age. I can't think of any other reason other than that or plain ignorance.

kathbee

Hi

I havent had anything said to me personally but I have had the 'looks' sometimes.

Vonski, I cant believe what was said to you at the physio appointment about the way you were walking, (Fed Up of People's comments thread), thats just awful.

However, if someone does say something untoward to me about the way I walk or look I would like to say:

'Well theres a slight chance I might get better but alas, theres not much hope for you love unless you go down the road of cosmetic surgery.'

Actually I probably wouldnt as I am a right old softie but it would make me livid.

Kath

suzster

when i had my youngest daughter and i went collect my eldest from school, i got asked by several parents i knew -

"oh, you aren't using your walking stick any more, are you better?"

do they really think that i would be using a walking stick and pushing a pram? how many hands do they think i have?

my answer is usually "the pushchair is like a zimmer frame, if i let go i'll fall over!"

obviously i won't fall straight over but it shuts them up!

but the worst comment i had was from a gp, it was a few years ago when i was struggling with severe OA in my hip.

i had never seen this dr before, so i walked in the room to see him and he asked "why are you using a walking stick?"

so i replied "i have OA in my hip and cannot walk without it"

he then said "you don't need a stick, you are perfectly healthy"

i said "yes i do, any way could i please have a prescription for my painkillers as i have nearly run out"

he said "ok, what do you take?"

"i take morphine and need some more as i have nearly tun out" i replied.

then to my embarresment he said "oh so you are an addict?"

"no i need them for pain, it's in my notes"

he refused to give me a prescription because i was obviously addicted to morphine and did not actually need them.

i put in a complaint straight away and have refused to see that gp again, but how unprofessional? it made me realise that this dr had no idea how to treat patients. it also upset me, i know morphine is addictive, but really.

jenzie06

The gp I saw last week said if people take morphine for medical reasons it is not additive! What a load of old guff.

When my OH and I go into town on a saturday morning there is always a stand where people hand out leaflets saying 'we can heal you'. I'm usually in my wheelchair and they never ever give me a leaflet!!

I often get 'looks' with the blue badge. The best was a security guard at a hospital when I was getting my parking ticket validated. He didn't believe I needed the blue badge even though I was swaying with pain and exhaustion!

suzster

thats bad, maybe we should get t.shirts printed then when we are questioned we could flash out t.shirts!!
we could get some of the great replies printed on them, that way we wouldn't have to keep explaining ourselves!!

bluelobster

eckstardeluxe wrote:

My usual replies are to the "that's a disabled space you know" are -

"Yes and that's a disabled badge on my car"

"Yes I can read, obviously you can't since you didn't read the badge on my car"

Some others I can't mention :oops:

Don't get me started on the disbabled badge thing!! It makes me so mad as they assume that because i am young that i am taking the pee! the best way to handle it is to say something like "yes and i am disabled, would you like to see my badge? Then i pick it up and thrust my picture (albeit unflattering) in their face"

ninakang

My God, there are SO many rude people out there, aren't there?

This is digressing a bit but when my middle girl was a baby, I was also pregnant with my youngest, I worked part time and we only had one car so quite often, we'd find ourselves on buses (this was before getting RA by the way, my OH isn't that cruel!).

I was quite prepared not to have any help with either my eldest, who was little more than a toddler, or my baby or folding the pushchair - after all, I had made the decision to get on the bus with a pushchair, pregnant and with two small children, but what gets to me... what REALLY got to me was people pushing in front of me and not waiting for me to put the pushchair together or struggle onto the bus! HOW RUDE! I would often say "Can you wait your turn please?!"

But thankfully, this wasn't very often and I did have people offer to carry on the pushchair for me or hold my eldest's hand. It also helps having a hubby who's also a bus driver as we know most of the drivers so they were quite happy to hold the baby and chat to my eldest while I put the push chair on the bus :-)

Nx

bailey27

kathbee wrote:

Hi

I havent had anything said to me personally but I have had the 'looks' sometimes.

Vonski, I cant believe what was said to you at the physio appointment about the way you were walking, (Fed Up of People's comments thread), thats just awful.

However, if someone does say something untoward to me about the way I walk or look I would like to say:

'Well theres a slight chance I might get better but alas, theres not much hope for you love unless you go down the road of cosmetic surgery.'

Actually I probably wouldnt as I am a right old softie but it would make me livid.

Kath

LOVE THIS ONE!!!! lol

plmb48

i have had RA for 29 years i am sympathitic to people but cant understand how many people have dificulty acepting they have it or those people who think that their lives are over for ever .Our lives may not be what we were hoping they would be but we are here making the best of things and not making anyone else suffer .people somtimes say to us all i am sure (i know i shouldnt complain but my leg hurts) and they expect us not to have any sympathy but we do more because we know what pain is .hard as it is when we are told we have this rotten RA just think they havent told me i am dying .....get on with life and live bye pauline . hope i havent upset anyone x :P 8) :roll:

bluelobster

plmb48 wrote:

i have had RA for 29 years i am sympathitic to people but cant understand how many people have dificulty acepting they have it or those people who think that their lives are over for ever .Our lives may not be what we were hoping they would be but we are here making the best of things and not making anyone else suffer .people somtimes say to us all i am sure (i know i shouldnt complain but my leg hurts) and they expect us not to have any sympathy but we do more because we know what pain is .hard as it is when we are told we have this rotten RA just think they havent told me i am dying .....get on with life and live bye pauline . hope i havent upset anyone x :P 8) :roll:

Hi. it isn't upsetting at all. I know where you are coming from and i do hope that after 29 years (hopefully) sooner i will feel better about it. i already do and i think we all just have days where we are doing ok and it just comes back in the form of a flare up to remind us - it is hard not to get down. There is not one day where i take my wonderful life for granted!!

However, I will say that you might well have come to the wrong place here!