Dla...successful but now feeling guilty

topgirl

Today i recived my award from DLA...It was the levels that i thought i should get and am really pleased as it will enable to have a better quality of life...
SO.....why am i feeling guilty about getting it????....I have worked and paid into the system from being 15 and have never claimed anything before...
I told my husband who replied..'dont feel bad, your always in pain,are off work because of it and you deserve it to help you out'
Hes right...I was off 7 months last year and so far have had 3 months off this year...I am always in pain and do not do anywhere near the amount of physical tasks i was doing 2 years ago...BUT...i do know people who are worse than me....
Because i look fine and on the outside seem to be the same old bubbly person , i feel if i tell anyone what i receive will they think i dont deserve it?????...they cant see by looking at me how much pain i feel.....
Can anyone shed any light on why i feel so upset about a good outcome.
Thanks

lindalegs

Hi Topgirl,

I think you feel as though you don't deserve it because at the very back of your mind your brain doesn't want to acknowledge that you have arthritis - we're all the same. On the whole I know I have RA but a tiny part of me always believes I will be my old self one day :roll:

We also don't see ourselves as others do - I think I move like everyone else, admittedly with a limp and a 'bit' slower but I recently saw myself caught on video camera and what a shock :shock:

When you're in pain although others can't feel your pain you will be moving differently to compensate for the pain and people will see that.

You're not a fraud, be happy you have the DLA, there are some on here who have had to go through appeals and allsorts and still have problems claiming.

Well done!!

Luv Legs

lindah

Don't know why you should feel guilty,think of all the scroungers out there.People who never worked a day in their life even though they were physically fit.
I know at least 2 people who have almost made their living from claims for accidents,you know the type,Ooops I slipped on a grape and gave myself whiplash.
Yes there are some who claim and probably don't deserve it but at the end of the day it's not a competition to see who is worse than anyone else. You take whatever you can get and do not feel guilty.
Linda H 8)

elnafinn

Hi topgirl

To begin with, I am so pleased you have received your award and your husband is totally right in what he is saying so listen to him.

It is nobody else's business to know about your finances so why feel the need to talk about it?

There are always people worse off than you, me, person down the road. You must think of yourself too. Should these other people be eligible for awards then they will apply for them.

Perhaps you feel a little upset, because it is sort of final, you have received the award....... it has, although as you say, it is a good outcome, been officially acknowledged and written in black and white that you reach the criteria to receive this money.

You would not have received the award if you were not worthy of it so enjoy. It is your choice, totally, on how you wish to use it.


Luv
Elna x

vonski

Hi Topgirl

You should not feel guilty, you deserve this money. Like others have said it could have something to do with the realisation that your arthur has been recognised as real by others. Ignore the ones that don't know the amount of pain you have, it's not their body going through it and if it was I'm sure they'd moan a lot.

Enjoy the money

Love
Vonski x

tkachev

Hi Topgirl,

The benefit system is here to help the sick and the old and people who through no fault of their own lose their jobs. We dont ask for these things to happen to us. I think we would all give up the money to be well again.

The money will help you in any way you feel YOU need.

Take care,
Tkachev

sharmaine

Hi

You're probably feeling guilty because you're honest and have worked hard over the years. I'm on Incapacity Benefit as I had to give up my job last May. I felt awful about claiming too but it has helped with my needs and like you I've worked since I was 16 - I was lucky and very rarely had time off sick.

I don't really know that the difference between DLA and Incapacity Benefit is (I think its called something else now). It's not much but it helps. Before having OA I had planned on working until I was 65 another 12 years and now I'm stuck at home. I worry about things like my pension and whether or not I'll be able to return to work one day. I live in hope!

Our lives have changed because of this condition - don't beat yourself up about it and don't feel guilty. It's your business anyway and other people don't have to be told a thing.

Well done on getting it! :P

Sharmaine

topgirl

Thank you for all your lovely replies...
I think your right, it all seems so final now...black and white...im disabled.... My blue badge came this week too so i suppose it has hit me hard...
Im hoping that one day i will be able to go back to work( with reasonable adjustments)but this condition is so variable( RA) that i never know how im going to be from one day to the next...
I just wish everyone on this site didnt have to fight for benefits which they so rightly deserve....the people on this site have got me through me illness...
Once again thank you all .

angel1

As everyone else has said, you are fully deserving of your benefits, and I truly hope they will ease things for you.


Be kind to yourself. You are going through a form of bereavement, grieving for the loss of your old self.......Ange.

tweedie

Hi,
Angel 1 is correct -- you are grieving for your lost health , I cried for ages after I had to give up work as it happened suddenly after a op , my surgeon insisted that I was not helping myself fighting against it , but you do adjust , and it is very painful to admit that the label --disabled applies to us !!! but use the money to help yourself -- don't tell other people is my advice because lots of people really do not understand how our lives are really affected by arthritis and the pain it causes , dla is a lifeline for us and all of us would swop the money if we could for better health.
Love
Tweedie
(Joanna)
xxxxx

jeannie2

I agree with Angel 1 too. Brilliant way of putting it. Don't feel guilty - you need some help. If only people knew how this pain wears you out!

I had to go to a funeral a few weeks ago - the whole family were there, folks I hadn't seen for some years. I had to go in my wheelchair, which none of them knew anything about. Think it really hit me that I'm 'disabled'. People talked over the top of my head, or just avoided me. It was an awful lesson, I felt so isolated. Then one of them rang, with the best intentions and said 'I was SO sorry to see you in that mess'. Now I realise that I've got to cope with it, stop feeling sorry for myself and get my old self back, with the Chair and get on with it. It's difficult.

psyart

hi - i know exactly what you mean - i have had to give up work and am now on ESA and have applied for DLA but feel guilty the same as you!! i agree with the others, it is because you find it hard to accept that 'arthur' is with us all and he will stay!!
but i hope you are feeling like me, after reading peoples comments on this forum, we are not alone with the feelings and everything i feel, someone else has talked about!!

these benifits are so hard to get, the forms are horrid and distressing on their own without having to wait for a reply!! i sent mine off in june and still no reply!!!!

i think the best way forward is to spend some of the money on pampering yourself, make yourself feel special!!

I LOVE THESE EMOTICONS!!!!!!!!

TAKE CARE
L x

airwave

The government sets the standard of health that it wants of people who live in GB, if we fall short of those standards we get assistance to help us live a full life, simple as that!

8) Its a grin, honest!

topgirl

Thanks......
I suppose i am very lucky that my rumy nurse spent well over an hour with me doing bits of the form and put a statement on the form too....my GP also is very suportive too and actually said that in his opinion anyone with a form of arthritis should be able to claim and my consultant straight away said he would go to any hearings if his patients were refused DLA...
The trouble is , is that part of the condition is the constant fatigue and its hard to fight when when you feel like that
Like someone said tho.....I would give up any benefits just to be rid of this awful condition......

airwave

What a 'top' girl you are! The fatigue is a wearing part of life, don't worry, if we all get together we are a lot stronger en masse. Its a pity that our thoughts will more than likely, never leave this page. I for one, would stand up and have my say and speak for those that can't (then have a snooze!).

The country is made of delightful people like you, it is what makes our country such a pleasure to live in.

8) Its a grin, honest!

mrsdalloway

Hi Topgirl I am so glad you posted this as I have felt this way I get help with dla and mobility and as you say feel guilty. To make matters worse I posted about it and hardly anyone replied (maybe it was a busy day or it was the way I worded it?) which made me feel even worse!! I think part of the problem is that the condition worsens gradually over a period of time and we adapt to it each time. I know for me the biggest hurdle was admitting that I needed help with parking and applying for my blue badge, also using a stick for the first time was a biggy. I was only 35 and very independent it took a lot of getting my head around. But I totally understand where you are coming from and you are definitely not alone! x

topgirl

airwave wrote:

What a 'top' girl you are! The fatigue is a wearing part of life, don't worry, if we all get together we are a lot stronger en masse. Its a pity that our thoughts will more than likely, never leave this page. I for one, would stand up and have my say and speak for those that can't (then have a snooze!).

The country is made of delightful people like you, it is what makes our country such a pleasure to live in.

8) Its a grin, honest!

thank you for your lovely comment....x

topgirl

mrsdalloway wrote:

Hi Topgirl I am so glad you posted this as I have felt this way I get help with dla and mobility and as you say feel guilty. To make matters worse I posted about it and hardly anyone replied (maybe it was a busy day or it was the way I worded it?) which made me feel even worse!! I think part of the problem is that the condition worsens gradually over a period of time and we adapt to it each time. I know for me the biggest hurdle was admitting that I needed help with parking and applying for my blue badge, also using a stick for the first time was a biggy. I was only 35 and very independent it took a lot of getting my head around. But I totally understand where you are coming from and you are definitely not alone! x

Oh no!!!!...I bet you felt dreadful that no one replied( i would have)...I think the problem is, like myself, that you know everyone else on this forum is just as entiteled( whoops...spelling) as you are and feel sorry for them because they have been turned down and you were lucky :oops: ....its right what you have said about it gradually getting worse......A few weeks ago( for a short time!) I hardly had any pain...it really upset me as it was a reminder of times gone by... I am back with my consultant on Mon and have a list of new joints where i have pain...even tho i have been on Sulfasalizine for 3 months .....its horrible......it changes your life and ANYONE with arthritis should get DLA without it having to to be a battle.......
Love
Kay
xx

mrsdalloway

topgirl wrote:

.....its horrible......it changes your life and ANYONE with arthritis should get DLA without it having to to be a battle.......

Completely agree and I have said it before in reply to various threads that there is nowhere near enough publicity about how bad this disease actually is and how it affects people of all ages not just the elderly.

And thank you for your kind words, hope you are having a painfree day, let's enjoy the sunshine! x

woodbon

I'm really glad that you've got your award! Please don't feel guilty, its your RIGHT and will help you live a much more rewarding life, hopefully. The guilty people are the polititians who claim money that isn't theirs to have. Even if its 'legal' its still morally wrong...It's Ok I'm off the soapbox now. Use the money for what its for, LIVING BETTER, Love Sue.

jackie1955

The only people who should feel guilty about receiving benefits are those who know they don't genuinely deserve them. And there are a lot of them about!

Use the money to help make life easier for yourself. Do you feel guilty because you can't clean the house like you used to? Employ a domestic Can't do the ironing? Pay someone to do it Do your shopping over the internet and use the money to pay to have it delivered

And STOP feeling guilty

Jackie x

livinglegend

Can anyone shed any light on why i feel so upset about a good outcome.
Thanks

Most likely because we are happier with something which we feel we have earned rather than just been given. Also, it is a feeling that you can no longer earn your keep and you think you have failed.

NOT SO! You are entitled to financial help in making your life more liveable, inevitable but necessary. Take it willingly and go out and celebrate your good fortune.


Joseph 8)

topgirl

Thank You everyone....
Am now scared to death as in the notes it states' let us know if you are thinking about going of going back to work'...I have got a job but have been of sick the whole time of my backdated DLA claim and am nowhere near ready to even THINK about going back and if I do they will have to put reasonable adjustments in place....
So I rang the DLA people for advice and they said if I go back they need to know....which is fine....I would love to go back( without being in so much pain :!: ).....but they more or less said i would loose this benefit if i go back...I told them that the extra money would help me in work( taxis etc.....).....It all seems such hard work to understand.......You would think they would rather carry on the benefit, me go back and pay tax and NI...then go on ESA and take more money out of the system..... :!:
Plus, it clearly states that you can claim DLA and work...
Strange....any thoughts????

mrsdalloway

As far as I know the dla is not means tested which means you can work and claim. I am only on the lower component and I have worked on and off over the last 13 years. I am not working at the moment as pain is more or less constant now even with good treatment. So I am thinking of setting up business from home so that I can do it around bad days and hospital visits. I also think the problem is the adverts about being watched etc. I think we need to rationalise that hopefully they are watching the ones who are wrongfully claiming literally hundreds every week and not the likes of us whose weekly highlights are probably shuffling in and out of the supermarket whilst trying to control unruley kids!! Well thats me anyway x

tkachev

They also state that if your condition changes you must tell them.But from my experience, if you get a respite from the pain it is only temporary anyway.Imagine having to reclaim every time you had a good week.The very nature of the claim forms is enough to put you off.

Hi Mrs Dalloway. I am so sorry that you didnt get a good response first time. Everyone must of been having a flare up at the time!
Regards Tkachev

topgirl

I think thats whats bothering me a bit....
How long would you class ' a change in condition ' for?????
One week i can be really postive and think that soon i can go back to work ect.....The next week i can be laid up, full of pain and asleep all day.....
AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
On a good day when i can walk for a while( even tho in pain and full of painkillers)...I keep thinking someone will jump out of bush and arrested me for benefit fraud!!!!