Friendship

woodbon

HI, I'm sorry, it must be hard for you. Just one word of warning, I had a friend who seemed to drop me for no reason, cut me short on the phone, forgot Christmas and my birthday. She & her husband had moved to a big house up north and he had a fantastic new job. I thought she'd decided we wern't good enough. I don't know why, but one week-end I thought just one more phone call.
Her husband answered and she was out, he told me the story. I knew she'd had another baby, and was happy at first.

It turned out that the baby had been diagnosed with very severe ceribal palsey. She blamed herself, thought it was something she'd done and lost contact with all her friends. She'd been through Hell, had a breakdown, at first she wouldn't believe anything was wrong with her baby. I'm just so glad I phoned that day. That was over twenty years ago, her daughter is still at home, but is often very ill and although grown up still looks and acts like a happy baby. No speech and tube fed, but always laughing.

Sorry I don't want to depress you, but thought it may just be worth telling people. I nearly lost a very good friend and blamed her.
Love Sue

elnafinn

A similar thing happened to me. I had worked with this girl and we were good friends for years even after I married and moved away. In those days it was letter writing and suddenly the letters stopped. I wrote and got no reply and kept writing every now and again but received nothing in return. I persevered every so often and eventually received a letter saying that she had gone through a divorce and was now with another man and very happy. Our friendship continued and likewise I am so relieved that I kept on. It was probably reassuring for her, that although she did not reply I continued to keep contact.

If this friend had upset me saying things that I thought were out of order then I would not have tried to keep the friendship going. As I had no news from her I did feel that something was not going right for her and hoped she would eventually let me know and she did.

Luv
Elna x

annebr

I thought I would post an update to this thread. Since the last email my friend sent me she contacted me again asking how I was. Today we met for lunch ehich I had thought would be a quickie as she would have to get back to work.

Well she had arranged a half day so we could have more time. We caught up on families etc, she asked how I was and I told her a bit of what has been going on, I was still wary.

I think she was surprised and concerned about my weight and my walking don't think she had realsied how bad. We have left it that my OH and I will go over one evening and she even suggested a weekend away, we used to do this every year, pick a european city and go.

Not sure if it will ever be the same as things have changed for both of us but it's a start.

Anne

valval

annebr wrote:

I thought I would post an update to this thread. Since the last email my friend sent me she contacted me again asking how I was. Today we met for lunch ehich I had thought would be a quickie as she would have to get back to work.

Well she had arranged a half day so we could have more time. We caught up on families etc, she asked how I was and I told her a bit of what has been going on, I was still wary.

I think she was surprised and concerned about my weight and my walking don't think she had realsied how bad. We have left it that my OH and I will go over one evening and she even suggested a weekend away, we used to do this every year, pick a european city and go.

Not sure if it will ever be the same as things have changed for both of us but it's a start.

Anne

i think life just over took her so although things will be different at least she is still there and trying so that is a start and i think it worth giving it another try you never know it might all work out and what have u lost if it does not . at least u will know u gave it your best good luck

salamander

That sounds like a good result. Maybe she didn't realise how hard things are for you. Sometimes we get wrapped in our own life - it's easy to do.
Hope it goes well for you.
xx

elnafinn

Hi Anne

Thank you for posting an update. I am pleased to read that you both met up for a chat and the fact that your friend had thought about taking a half day so there was more time for you to be together was very thoughtful. I have a feeling that she really does wish to continue with your friendship, as you do.

I believe that, given time, your friendship will revert to how it was before. Things do change in everyone's lives as we go on but if there is that bond, you will be there for each other and have time for each other, especially when needed. Don't leave it too long before you see each other again.

Luv
Elna x

tkachev

She sat and had a think about everything.Sometimes people need a verbal reminder about how things are.They may comment back to defend themselves, to justify their actions and then she decided she should make an effort so that is encouraging.
My friend also contacted me, which I was surprised about.I was expecting a long silence.We are going out 6th FEb.I took the opportunity to apologise again about not giving her my full attention cos my daughter was being clingy due to health issues.But I am also on my guard and prepared to defend myself.
Elizabeth x

woodbon

Hello, You've done a really brave thing in contacting her and telling her how you feel. I'm not sure that I'd have the courage, but it was obviously the right thing.

Looking at it from her point of view, until you 'layed it on the line' for her, she might not have thought arthritis is any more than a few aches and pains and wondered why you made a big thing of it! I'm so pleased that you both have your friendship back.
Love Sue