Sex and relationships-Please help me :)

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kingarthur
kingarthur Member Posts: 55
edited 4. Feb 2010, 11:46 in Living with Arthritis archive
Hi all,

I would just like to say hello to everyone.

And post a question, I have been diagnosed with nerve damage and osteoarthritis.in my neck..but still more blood tests to be done in two months time...to be sure of what it is...as i have inflamed knuckles.

I have pinched disks over most of my neck and trapped nerve...and im on lots of medication..to stop chronic pain...

Recently i met a beautiful lady, and to my horror discovered that i cant make love, as the pain in my neck and shoulders seems to stop me enjoying making love....

Can this be down to the drugs im on..?

MST 10mg twice a day
Gaberpentin 3 times a day
Amatryptaline, 2x25mg at night
Sertraline 1 in the morning
Diazepam (stops muscle spasms) 1 5mg at night

Anyone else have this problem?
I dont want to lose this lovely lady..she has brightened up my world. I have been stuck in a room lieing in bed with fatigue..and pain for 5 months and she pulled me out and got me going out to places....and now i cant make love properly!!

it sucks, any help appreciated..

Thankyou
And i hope you are all coping well
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Comments

  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,427
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Scuse me butting in on a blokey- type issue :!:
    BUT i wouldn't let this lie you know - get down to your docs and see what they say - maybe you could change meds if needs be or try something like viagra.
    OH
    and I am very pleased for you that you've met that special person :)
    Toni
  • rosyred
    rosyred Member Posts: 150
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hello
    And ur not alone on this..
    My dad had issues and the doc was really good he gave him hummmm
    (mind blank )
    Sorry. them pills that make u have an eretion!

    Mum had a smile on her face loL

    Dad also was on loads of meds.. WISH mum had not gave them back now. as i could be doing with some help on that front also ..

    So good luck xx
  • kingarthur
    kingarthur Member Posts: 55
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    frogmorton wrote:
    Scuse me butting in on a blokey- type issue :!:
    BUT i wouldn't let this lie you know - get down to your docs and see what they say - maybe you could change meds if needs be or try something like viagra.
    OH
    and I am very pleased for you that you've met that special person :)
    Toni

    Thankyou for the reply, yes ive emailed my doc and cant see him till the 8th of Feb....

    And hey women and men are more than welcome to reply to this topic.

    And it sucks being like this, i didnt realise i was like this. I havnt been with a woman for 3 years now..so never bothered thinking about it lol..thankyou
  • kingarthur
    kingarthur Member Posts: 55
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    rosyred wrote:
    Hello
    And ur not alone on this..
    My dad had issues and the doc was really good he gave him hummmm
    (mind blank )
    Sorry. them pills that make u have an eretion!

    Mum had a smile on her face loL

    Dad also was on loads of meds.. WISH mum had not gave them back now. as i could be doing with some help on that front also ..

    So good luck xx

    I never thought id need Viagra...lol....but ill do anything to keep her happy :D ...thankyou...
  • zechariah
    zechariah Member Posts: 222
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    http://www.spokz.co.uk/IntimateRider.htm

    a very useful device for people with disabilities!
    http://life-love-pain-laughs.blogspot.com/
  • annebr
    annebr Member Posts: 730
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Another female view if you don't mind? I agree with Toni go to your Docs. But, in the meantime there are other ways of showing affection for example kissing, cuddling and touching.

    She sounds like a lovely lady and I am sure she will understand and help you through this.

    Anne
  • zechariah
    zechariah Member Posts: 222
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I agree, I am so bad with pain that I cant manage very much,
    however my wife and I still enjoy a loving marriage!

    Look at what you can manage, not what you can't!

    If this woman is really special she will understand, if she doesn't well enough said!

    Good luck and I am sure the right woman will come along!
    http://life-love-pain-laughs.blogspot.com/
  • kingarthur
    kingarthur Member Posts: 55
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Wow, so much feedback....

    Thankyou for taking time out to reply, and yes i will focus on the positive: cuddles, love and closeness.....im good at that..

    And from there i too now believe a loving relationship will develop...

    And im very lucky..to meet someone who is willing to work through this with me...

    Thankyou

    And good health to you all!
  • Wonkylegs
    Wonkylegs Member Posts: 3,504
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    zechariah wrote:

    Look at what you can manage, not what you can't!

    If this woman is really special she will understand, if she doesn't well enough said!

    the above is an excellent piece of advice!

    there is an AC booklet about arthritis and relationships. If you email or ring (on Monday) the helplines they will be able to help you find a copy.
  • angel1
    angel1 Bots Posts: 1,464
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    A big yes to all of the above, BUT the most important thing of all is communication. Talk everything through with your special lady. Where there`s a will!!......Ange.
  • metaludicsmile
    metaludicsmile Member Posts: 12
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Recently i met a beautiful lady, and to my horror discovered that i cant make love, as the pain in my neck and shoulders seems to stop me enjoying making love....

    Hi All, just wanted to say thanks so much for helping King Arthur (grins) with this little hiccup. I'm the 'beautiful lady' he met (blushes) and he needs to know that as much as having this side of our life sorted would be lovely, whats most important is that i'm mad crazy in love with him and am there all the way, whatever it takes :o)
    Thank you so much for supporting him. I have MS, (yea, what a pair!lol) and have found the MS forums so much help - so Im so pleased he's found you guys.
    Love and Light - smile xxx
  • angel1
    angel1 Bots Posts: 1,464
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    metaludicsmile wrote:
    Recently i met a beautiful lady, and to my horror discovered that i cant make love, as the pain in my neck and shoulders seems to stop me enjoying making love....

    Hi All, just wanted to say thanks so much for helping King Arthur (grins) with this little hiccup. I'm the 'beautiful lady' he met (blushes) and he needs to know that as much as having this side of our life sorted would be lovely, whats most important is that i'm mad crazy in love with him and am there all the way, whatever it takes :o)
    Thank you so much for supporting him. I have MS, (yea, what a pair!lol) and have found the MS forums so much help - so Im so pleased he's found you guys.
    Love and Light - smile xxx


    Oh, I love a happy ending. Keep talking guys........Ange.
  • chile168
    chile168 Member Posts: 384
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Kingarthur,

    Im not a male either but your thread caught my eyes. With pain it's hard to find energy to do anything let alone make love. My mind wanted but my body couldn't and ex husband could not understand that.

    I agree with Zaceriah, if this lady is special and loves you, she will be understanding to your needs. I have been single for the past 2 years and the thought of meeting someone and not been able to make love due to pain scares me.

    I was told by my rheumy that Gabapentin, Amatryptaline, Diazepam are muscle relaxant so perhaps that could be a reason. Perhaps you could discuss this with your rheumy.

    Good luck xxxxxxxxxx
    Eve
  • kingarthur
    kingarthur Member Posts: 55
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Thanyou,

    Im sure the tablets are playing there part in numbing the nerve endings (gaberpentin)......

    it was a price i had to pay to not have spasms in my neck that lasted 5/6 days and nights. Nothing touched the pain, morphine, diazepam etc...

    But Gaberpentin stopped the spasms, and i hvnt had one since i started taking them....

    Ill have a chat with rheumy and see if i can come off the stuff.....

    Thankyou. and good health and love to you all.
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    metaludicsmile wrote:
    Recently i met a beautiful lady, and to my horror discovered that i cant make love, as the pain in my neck and shoulders seems to stop me enjoying making love....

    Hi All, just wanted to say thanks so much for helping King Arthur (grins) with this little hiccup. I'm the 'beautiful lady' he met (blushes) and he needs to know that as much as having this side of our life sorted would be lovely, whats most important is that i'm mad crazy in love with him and am there all the way, whatever it takes :o)
    Thank you so much for supporting him. I have MS, (yea, what a pair!lol) and have found the MS forums so much help - so Im so pleased he's found you guys.
    Love and Light - smile xxx

    i am so glad he has you as you sound so lovely sorry you have ms but it will help you understand what he is going through. the meds do not help but even before i went on them things in the bedroom had nearly stopped as the fear of seting off the pain stops you getting in the mood . it is also far more important to men than women they see sex as love we see it as an extra treat bit like chocolate if can not have that will have jelly babies lol. so talk to each other and i have the feeling you will make a great couple good luck hope time and docs help val
    val
  • metaludicsmile
    metaludicsmile Member Posts: 12
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    i am so glad he has you as you sound so lovely sorry you have ms but it will help you understand what he is going through. the meds do not help but even before i went on them things in the bedroom had nearly stopped as the fear of seting off the pain stops you getting in the mood . it is also far more important to men than women they see sex as love we see it as an extra treat bit like chocolate if can not have that will have jelly babies lol. so talk to each other and i have the feeling you will make a great couple good luck hope time and docs help val[/quote]

    Val - thanks so much for posting this. I've waited all my life to find someone like 'him' :) and when you've got what we've got then life can suddenly seem either quite short (i have primary progressive ms) - or desperately long and lonely. Yes, we'll talk. And we'll make the most of this. And i wish you all the love and luck in the world Val. - smile xxxxx
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    metaludicsmile wrote:
    i am so glad he has you as you sound so lovely sorry you have ms but it will help you understand what he is going through. the meds do not help but even before i went on them things in the bedroom had nearly stopped as the fear of seting off the pain stops you getting in the mood . it is also far more important to men than women they see sex as love we see it as an extra treat bit like chocolate if can not have that will have jelly babies lol. so talk to each other and i have the feeling you will make a great couple good luck hope time and docs help val

    Val - thanks so much for posting this. I've waited all my life to find someone like 'him' :) and when you've got what we've got then life can suddenly seem either quite short (i have primary progressive ms) - or desperately long and lonely. Yes, we'll talk. And we'll make the most of this. And i wish you all the love and luck in the world Val. - smile xxxxx
    [/quote]

    bless you i am vry lucky have great bloke who loves me for who i am to find some one who loves you is the best feeling in the worl enjoy it there is nothing better got to go now as at work this morning
    val
  • annie_mial
    annie_mial Member Posts: 5,614
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Bless you both. Hang on tight to each other and don't let go.

    Annie
  • woodbon
    woodbon Member Posts: 4,969
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi, I wish you both every happiness, I'm sure you are going to have a good future together. What a fantastic book you could write, it would give hope to millions. I've worked with MS patients and know how depressed some of the young people get thinking they are 'on the shelf' they'd love your story. Love Sue :D
  • metaludicsmile
    metaludicsmile Member Posts: 12
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    woodbon wrote:
    Hi, I wish you both every happiness, I'm sure you are going to have a good future together. What a fantastic book you could write, it would give hope to millions. I've worked with MS patients and know how depressed some of the young people get thinking they are 'on the shelf' they'd love your story. Love Sue :D

    What a lovely thing to say :) - i'm afraid we can't count ourselves as young tho! But i guess the important thing to remember is "never give up" ... I never thought this would happen ... and especially not now. So, King Arthur, if you come on here to check your responses, check this one out - "I love you more than I ever thought was possible, and nothing is impossible while we have each other" -
    ok, enough, I must be making everyone feel quite sick, apologies!
    Sue = thank you. If we ever write our story we'll dedicate it to you! :D love and light - smile xxxx
  • metaludicsmile
    metaludicsmile Member Posts: 12
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    annie_mial wrote:
    Bless you both. Hang on tight to each other and don't let go.

    Annie

    Bless you - you take good care Annie - smile xxxx
  • kingarthur
    kingarthur Member Posts: 55
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Thankyou everyone for the support.

    The Doctor has told me that,

    Sertraline: Can stop Orgasms

    and has given me some Viagra to kick start me!?

    This shoiuld be interesting...... :lol:

    Good health and smiles to you all :)
  • kingarthur
    kingarthur Member Posts: 55
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Wow i didnt realise there were more posts above!!!

    Oh my, yes to you all, and thankyou.

    I was so down before....and then this lovely lady comes to see me, and drags me out of my gloom! And then shows me that life is ok by her own example!

    I had given up!..Too much pain...too much loss..too much loneliness, too many tears...loss of the ability to pursue my career of choice because of my hands..and I felt so saad...there seemed no point in hanging about. I prayed that i would never wake up!

    But im still here!
    And this has happened, and all your feedback has helped me to realize that it is ok..to be me....pain and all....

    love is so important and i will not let it go this time "Met" ok?
    It is too easy to go back to the gloom, as that is what i know now, and for some dark reason, i feel safe in gloom.

    Thankyou soooo much love and light to you all:)
  • kingarthur
    kingarthur Member Posts: 55
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    kingarthur wrote:
    Wow i didnt realise there were more posts above!!!

    Oh my, yes to you all, and thankyou.

    I was so down before....and then this lovely lady comes to see me, and drags me out of my gloom! And then shows me that life is ok by her own example!

    I had given up!..Too much pain...too much loss..too much loneliness, too many tears...loss of the ability to pursue my career of choice because of my hands..and I felt so saad...there seemed no point in hanging about. I prayed that i would never wake up!

    But im still here!
    And this has happened, and all your feedback has helped me to realize that it is ok..to be me....pain and all....

    love is so important and i will not let it go this time "Met" ok?
    It is too easy to go back to the gloom, as that is what i know now, and for some dark reason, i feel safe in gloom.

    Thankyou soooo much love and light to you all:)

    Oh my, I've even opened the curtains today...to let the light in!!!
  • metaludicsmile
    metaludicsmile Member Posts: 12
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    kingarthur wrote:
    Wow i didnt realise there were more posts above!!!

    love is so important and i will not let it go this time "Met" ok?
    It is too easy to go back to the gloom, as that is what i know now, and for some dark reason, i feel safe in gloom.

    Thankyou soooo much love and light to you all:)

    No more gloom little prince. I am so proud of you xxxxxxxxx
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