How do you deal with nosey people
suncatcher
Member Posts: 2,174
I have problems with nosey people who find my condition facinating. They would not if they had it! How do you deal with this sort. I still want to seem polite but assertive and get them to respect my privacy. I dont have many in life like this but the few ive got are quite a pain and ive started to avoid them. I would apprechiate your replys and any tips on dealing with this thanks from joanne :roll:
Joanne
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Comments
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Hi Joanne
i have talked alittle about this on the other post (chrisie's) I avoid 'em. Need to give them as wide berth as you can.
I dont trust that type not to talk about me to others - gossips
I usually try to turn the conversation round to them or theirs as they like to talk dont they? Long term plan is to ditch them ASAP and not gather any more in my life
Problem is some of them are hard to avoid (sep those at the school gates...)
Love
Toni xx0 -
I guess I've been lucky in that I've never faced that problem. If people ask why I'm on crutches I say I have arthritis and it doesn't go any further - not because I've hit them over the head with a stabiliser but because they think they know what it is and how it is. I normally get 'Oh, my Granny has that.' which makes me feel ancient! DDHave you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben0
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Hi Joanne,
Well they are just disrespecting you so I not sure if they don't just deserve a put down? Depends on who it is I guess friend or stranger.
I don't get it much, I get asked why my wrists are so odd and why I limp but less I know them I just say cus they are or cus I do..... I kinda lucky I don't find too many people bother to ask. I think whatever only tell them what your happy with them knowing and don't let them get to you really...... Tis horrible when people get nosey and I won't give them a reward or satisfaction. Hey I was raised to not ask Wonder why they think they can?! Luv and a ((( ))) Cris xx0 -
Hi Joanne
I am probably abnormal :roll: but I do not have anyone in my life that I feel is being nosey about my wellbeing. I have a few very good friends and a lovely family all round. I count my blessings most days. When I am out and about locally, I am usually on my bike so do not have time to linger, unless I wish to do so and chat
If you mean acquaintances - well if they ask how I am, I say ok and then turn the question on them and find people love to talk about themselves, so I have no need to tell anyone anything I do not wish to. I usually get in first with the question of asking them how they are, and then there is no time to ask about me I prefer to listen anyway and sometimes find myself thinking, how extremely boring they are.
Luv
Elna xThe happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.
If you can lay down at night knowing in your heart that you made someone's day just a little bit better, you know you had a good day.0 -
I prefer to listen anyway and sometimes find myself thinking, how extremely boring they are.
ELNA!!! Brilliant! they usually Are aquaintances though I think - people who you havent really chosen to be in your life
Love
Toni xx0 -
If you really believe that people are only being nosey Joanne, just reply with"Oh it`s bad enough having this condition, I really don`t want to spend time talking about it...How are you?"
However, it`s always possible that someone may be genuinely interested, and concerned for you, - I`ve never come across anyone! - so you will need to suss that out for yourself........Ange.0 -
They are religious aquaintances i see at the place where ive done a few courses. They have got to know me there. These people can sometimes feel they should give advice on every thing even tho not asked for. It annoys me so i dont mix with the people in question now. I got so fed up with it. thanks for advice everyone from joanneJoanne0
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ooh Joanne I know exactly what you mean! I don't mind people asking how I am but when they ask things like 'so does that mean you won't be able to have children' or long questions about the medication I get very ratty. I think people do it with the best intentions but I find the best way to head it off is ask the a question in return that changes the subject - most people get the message without having to make a scene!
Good luck
kitwww.cookingwitharthur.com
Healthy, tasty recipes for living well with arthritis0 -
dopeykit wrote:ooh Joanne I know exactly what you mean! I don't mind people asking how I am but when they ask things like 'so does that mean you won't be able to have children' or long questions about the medication I get very ratty. I think people do it with the best intentions but I find the best way to head it off is ask the a question in return that changes the subject - most people get the message without having to make a scene!
Good luck
kit
will try it thankyou.Joanne0 -
hi
i know what you mean very well, hubby's twin brother is one of those ones cant stand him, i try to ignore if as much as i can, or if he comes visiting i keep out of the way so i don't have to talk to him and i prefer it that way, hubby knows how i feel and agrees with me but i guess blood is thicker than water oh well i guess there is to many of these people out there, you know what i can live my life quite happily without these kinds of people, they make you so mad don't they
maybe there nosey because they just cant keep there noses out or they are not happy themselfssylvia0 -
That must be tough, suncatcher, if you are religious too. I have two friends who are devoted Christians and they are the best people I know. On the other hand I have been told, very earnestly by a born-again clot, that I have Satan inside me. That is the most offensive thing I have been told, to my face, to date. It certainly beat Guy Robb (aged 8 and the school bully) that I would kill everyone I touched (I had rampant eczema as a child.) Keep away from those people, they add nothing to your life, they do not respect you as an individual. You do not need them! DDHave you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben0
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Hi Joanne,
I answer nosey questions, from family, friend or stranger, but don't go into detail just till their curosity's satisfied. People are usually kindly curious so I don't find any offence in it....... and I find children ask the funniest of questions.
I always thinks, we, with this illness are best at 'educating' others so that if they ever find themselves with it they won't be as frightened at the prospect as they might have otherwise been.
Luv LegsLove, Legs x
'Make a life out of what you have, not what you're missing'0 -
dreamdaisy wrote:That must be tough, suncatcher, if you are religious too. I have two friends who are devoted Christians and they are the best people I know. On the other hand I have been told, very earnestly by a born-again clot, that I have Satan inside me. That is the most offensive thing I have been told, to my face, to date. It certainly beat Guy Robb (aged 8 and the school bully) that I would kill everyone I touched (I had rampant eczema as a child.) Keep away from those people, they add nothing to your life, they do not respect you as an individual. You do not need them! DD
I was born in religious home but not very religious myself cof e Mom turned into born again christion and all problems she had about me was told to them. Thats why i find nosey people hard now.
The nosey people are not from my old church but are born again christions.
In born again christion services are people giving own testimonies some times. Im sure they think all people should open up and tell all. Im not like it and love privacy.
Ok hearts are in the right place but they have no clue and course problems through ignorancethanks for reply joanneJoanne0 -
they make me laugh TBH
my nickname at work is 'sick note' - quite ironic really, i have never been on the sick since 2002/3, when i 1st got arthritis. I constantly get asked why i am limping and hobbling, due to being a customer facing salesman, but most people don't listen and just ask out of a robotic sense of instilled politeness..........
keep your chin up
regards, chris0 -
I usually find if someone has overstepped the mark a big smile and "that's an awfully personal question dont you think?" makes them take a step back, and the smile makes them take no offence at your rebuttal!
Chin up X0 -
scorpio wrote:. I constantly get asked why i am limping and hobbling, due to being a customer facing salesman, but most people don't listen and just ask out of a robotic sense of instilled politeness..........
keep your chin up
regards, chris
For the first few years I used to get asked all the time,"What you done to your knee" because I limped all the time.It never bothered me then or now. I am glad peeps seem interested.
I suspect you feel your mums friends are not really concerned with how you are but are leading on to another subject such as what you going to do about it such as pray/beg forgiveness etc. I often get comments at the childrens school" I will pray for you" Muslim parents and Christian parents. I always smile and thank them cos to me Its better than being ignored.
The peeps that annoy me are the ones who only ask so they can then start having a go at you....Uncle Fred has arthritis and he manages to work 24 hours a day blah, blah.I have had a few of them and they really make me angry.
ElizabethNever be bullied into silence.
Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
Accept no ones definition of your life
Define yourself........
Harvey Fierstein0 -
suncatcher wrote:I have problems with nosey people who find my condition facinating. They would not if they had it! How do you deal with this sort. I still want to seem polite but assertive and get them to respect my privacy. I dont have many in life like this but the few ive got are quite a pain and ive started to avoid them. I would apprechiate your replys and any tips on dealing with this thanks from joanne :roll:
When someone asks me about my stiff neck, I look at is as an opportunity to educate. Many people are shocked to learn that I was 5 when I was diagnosed - they don't think of arthritis as a young person's disease, and don't know that there's the wear/tear type, and the autoimmune disease type.
It's like, "Oh, yeah, my grandmother had that in her knee..."
"Well, no, she probably had OA. RA is where your immune system attacks your joint tissue, often causing damage to other organs and tissues as well."
I call it my one-liner elevator speech. Delivered with a smile, the door is left open for more questions, or allows the person to be satisfied with that answer, and move on to the next subject.
Have you ever heard of the "spoon theory"? Look it up on the web - it's an excellent essay.0 -
I have been told, very earnestly by a born-again clot, that I have Satan inside me.
Now THAT'S another matter entirely, and pretty horrifying. :shock:
You know, a long time ago I used to wonder why God was punishing me. Every time I had a flare I'd look back and try to figure out what bad thing I'd done for God to be angry and make me hurt.
Then it occurred to me, for heaven's sake, I was FIVE YEARS OLD when I got sick. What sin could I possibly have committed to deserve a life sentence of illness? Stuck my tongue out at my sister? Snitched an extra cookie from the kitchen? I did nothing to deserve it, it was bad luck, luck of the genetic draw. My parents were not evil people, either - nothing they did was bad enough for their daughter to be made to suffer.
Once I decided that beating myself up was ridiculous, I let go of self blame, or blaming God, and began to look for reasons to be grateful. One many ways, my RA has been a gift.
Anyone who tells you that you're cursed, or you must not be "faithful enough" or not "praying hard enough", knows nothing about their own alleged faith in Christ, and they need to open their own Bible a little more often. Oh, and actually READ it.
I'm not sure how I would respond to such a person, except to give them a pitying look, say "I'm really sorry you feel that way." And turn and walk away. I have better things and people to spend my energy on.0 -
jelliebabe wrote:I usually find if someone has overstepped the mark a big smile and "that's an awfully personal question dont you think?" makes them take a step back, and the smile makes them take no offence at your rebuttal!
I guess I'm a little weird in that I can sometimes be the "Queen of Too-Much-Information"! My philosophy is, "hey, you asked, so here's all the gory details."
I've had to learn to dial it back when I see that the person's eyes are glazing over. Hence my "one-liner elevator speech".
Maybe it comes from a lifetime of having virtually every part of my body poked, prodded and operated on. Oh, and the incessant airport pat-downs because my metal parts set off the alarms.
There are no secrets left, no proverbial stone left unturned. LOL Got a question? Bring it on, baby. It's nearly impossible to embarrass me.0 -
Hey, I love your "one-line elevator speech"! I think it's brilliant and am going to use it myself in future (hope you don't mind me quoting you).
Tilly x0 -
tillytop wrote:Hey, I love your "one-line elevator speech"! I think it's brilliant and am going to use it myself in future (hope you don't mind me quoting you).
Tilly x
Not at all. Glad to be of help.0 -
If its nosey for the sake of it, then usually I give a short reply, ie, "how are you"..........."Fair thank you how are you"
If it is like mastermind questions, or an off the cuff comment, then I will usually say "I will trade you" as I did yesterday at the village fair, when we started to pack away at 3pm ish as I was in agony. One lady who is there, allways officious and bombastic said "I don't know why people are packing up already" so I said, "you take my pain and nauseating fatigue and I will stay until gone 4pm, how's that"? She soon shut up and was as nice as pie after that.
If people say, "oh how are you, you look well", it gets a "don't judge a book by its cover, but thank you for saying so". "why do you need sticks? That is a good one. The DLA rang once and said "what would ou do if you fell over and were alone". :shock: I just said, I will be on the floor, alone, either alive or dead, but alone and unable to get up, does that answer your question"? :xXX Aidan (still known as Bubbles).0 -
Thankyou every body who has replied. Its amazing how different people have different approaches. They are all ones ive not heard of thanks so much i have taken it all in, There is so much we have to deal with the condition and not only our reaction to it but other peoples reactions as well.
Now my eyes, ive had my problems since birth and it is who i am dont consider it a problem. To others it may be but i will chearfully expain about that. one day i will say ra is me. I am what i am like it or you can lump it!
THANKS AGAIN FROM JONNEJoanne0 -
Hi
Sorry just found this topic....very interesting. I have the opposite problem a lot of the time. I have OA in hips. spine, ankle and neck and its that invisible illness. You look perfectly OK so people expect you to be able to do the things you can. Even if they know you have arthur they think of it as a little ache or something.I would like the chance to be able to say something...I dont want pity but I do want understanding {that I cant do as much as them}
After saying that I've just had a hip replacement and because of arthur in my other hip and ankle I usae a scooter in our large shopping center. There I come across people I know who way "Oh why are you on that?" and I feel a fraud still.I think I've had a hip replacement so why do I need it???
Children stare at it because I'm at their height and a lot of mothers say come away but I talk to them or beep the horn at them and joke with them.
But how to answer "Why are you using a scooter" when I've had a replacement ....havent figured out yet.....poss because I feel a fruad.
Sorry for the ramble
love
from rambling Hileena LOL0 -
Hi Joanne
I get a lot of people ask me questions, wanting to know if I had an accident and things like that. At first it was not too bad but as I have become more disabled the more they want to know.
Some people just cannot have an answer and leave you alone. Now I just say I have not got time to talk I have to go somewhere or gosh it's too cold to stay out or too hot.
I try to not be rude, but there are those that will not take your answer.
The ones that do really get to me are the ones who say oh I would rather die than end up like you. It really used to hurt me. Now I say really I will have to try it and see. They generally are left shocked and try to run after me and apologise.
I do get on with most people I meet and don't really like to be rude.
Trish xxx0
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